Iobatoys Ohmyg Review: "Super Silent" G-Spot Massager

Imagine you're masturbating and you're about to orgasm. At exactly the critical moment, the sound of a dolphin (or maybe angry squirrel) squeaks from your hole.

Your dog down­stairs hears it and has a bark­ing fit at the mys­te­ri­ous noise.

I don't know about you, but I'd find that jarring.

Iobatoys Ohmyg Review: "Super Silent" G-Spot Massager 1

At least, I would have been star­tled if I had no idea what to expect. The ioba­toys OhMyG has some well-​documented issues, both with the prod­uct itself and the mar­ket­ing. We're going to have a field day with that.

In this iobatoys OhmyG review:

My first impressions of the iobatoys OhMyG's marketing

The loud and high-​pitched click­ing was expect­ed. ("Oh nooo, Flipper! Is that you?" one of my Instagram fol­low­ers commented.)

I didn't expect that, upon me warn­ing ioba­toys about my hon­esty, they'd still be con­fi­dent enough in their OhMyG to send me one for my review.

They emailed me say­ing they want­ed feed­back, even after I'd post­ed a video of their prod­uct mak­ing the sound of a wood­peck­er on uppers. Even after oth­er blog­gers had report­ed the same.

(I'll save the best for last — video clips of the ioba­toys OhMyG are at the end.)

Iobatoys Ohmyg Review: "Super Silent" G-Spot Massager 2

Yeah, no — it def­i­nite­ly wasn't me who had this issue. Even if I were to give ioba­toys the ben­e­fit of the doubt and assume the OhMyG wasn't flawed in design, the defect rate would still be too damn high for me to rec­om­mend it. We've giv­en them feed­back; they don't want to listen.

A sex toy that claims to be "super silent" shouldn't sound like the click­ing of a car try­ing to brake on ice. Is that a con­tro­ver­sial state­ment? I'd hope not.

Situations like this make me question the authenticity of Instagram influencers smiling with the OhMyG, posing with it like a phone.

How much did they get paid to laud the ioba­toys OhMyG? How many know­ing­ly lied about it?

How many of their fol­low­ers bought the OhMyG under the assump­tion that it was as qui­et as the mak­ers claimed and were dis­ap­point­ed they dropped $159 on it?

I'm cer­tain the num­ber isn't zero.

Or worse, how many had THEIR VAGINA pinched by the OhMyG's blob "unique pearl"? As the ball retracts, your junk can get caught under it. It's nev­er hap­pened to me, but it has to the review­ers I linked to before.

And that's before we even go into the marketing copy — which has somehow gotten even more pompous since I originally received it.
Iobatoys Ohmyg Review: "Super Silent" G-Spot Massager 3

An actually honest review of the iobatoys OhMyG G-spot massager

I don't even know where to start with their marketing claims.

The OhMyG is the first-​ever com­plete­ly silent female G‑spot sex toy.

I'd argue that dil­dos are the first com­plete­ly silent G‑spot toys. The Fun Factory Stronics and the low­er set­tings on the Womanizer and We-​Vibe Melt are pret­ty dang qui­et even among pow­ered plea­sure products.

The “pearl” at the top of the toy is designed to direct­ly mas­sage your G‑spot that will rival even the great­est oral sex.

G‑spotting is inter­nal and oral sex is (gen­er­al­ly) exter­nal. If we're talk­ing about using the OhMyG on the out­side, the sen­sa­tion is pleas­ant at best for me. That's the nicest thing I'll say about the ioba­toys OhMyG. Rivaling the great­est oral sex, though?

I'd hate to make assump­tions about the cou­ple that found­ed ioba­toys, but I'm not sure they've expe­ri­enced the great­est oral sex.

Iobatoys Ohmyg Review: "Super Silent" G-Spot Massager 4

Featuring a smooth exte­ri­or and C‑shape design, the OhMyG offers a lev­el of G‑spot stim­u­la­tion you just can’t get with anoth­er toy.

The njoy Pure Wand's C‑curve begs to differ.

The OhMyG from ioba­toys is the first pre­cise G‑spot mas­sager with a true “come hith­er” fin­ger motion that brings you those toe-​curling orgasms.

I've tried some true "come hith­er" G‑spot mas­sagers that were mediocre, yes, but their motion was far more like fin­ger curl­ing than a pro­trud­ing ball.

Oh and did we men­tion it’s com­plete­ly silent? 🙂

Yes, and the big selling point is an outright lie!
Iobatoys Ohmyg Review: "Super Silent" G-Spot Massager 5

Look, I get that I'm not perfect or all-encompassing of everyone's experiences.

Sometimes, some­thing works for me that doesn't work for oth­ers, and vice ver­sa. Sometimes I don't agree with my past self's eval­u­a­tion of a sex toy's wor­thi­ness of my gen­i­tals; my tastes have become more sophis­ti­cat­ed over time.

However, that's a lit­tle dif­fer­ent from a com­pa­ny mak­ing such ludi­crous claims for such an expen­sive prod­uct, ask­ing for reviews, and then ignor­ing the valid con­cerns expressed.

The truth is that the ioba­toys OhMyG itself doesn't feel super ter­ri­ble to me and it's not super loud. It's very okay.

At the same time, my dis­taste expo­nen­tial­ly grows every time I see the mar­ket­ing and price tag. The OhMyG comes close to the Lora DiCarlo Osé 2 when it comes to arro­gance and exaggeration.

"Best Sex Toy of 2019?" Are you sure?

So many toys I reviewed last year blow the iobatoys OhMyG out of the water.

Yet, there's an end­less sea of rav­ing ioba­toys OhMyG reviews, which makes me wonder:

Do NONE of those review­ers clench when reach­ing orgasm? What's up with that?

Iobatoys Ohmyg Review: "Super Silent" G-Spot Massager 6

Pelvic floor contractions are an entirely normal response to sexual stimuli.

When I expe­ri­ence big orgasms with a girthy toy, I fuck­ing feel like my vagina's one mis­sion is to crush every­thing inside, hence being able to crack a partner's knuckle.

Perhaps the noise the ioba­toys OhMyG makes is more a tes­ta­ment to my vagi­nal weightlift­ing's effec­tive­ness. It's not the first mov­ing sex toy cow­ered at my pelvic floor strength. (Yep, the Osé 2 was one of the others.)

Maybe my G‑spot is just greedy for pres­sure because it's been pum­meled by girthy stain­less steel dil­dos and the gold stan­dard of rumbly vibra­tion.

I entire­ly under­stand that I'm in the minor­i­ty in many regards to sex­u­al­i­ty. However, let me repeat:


Iobatoys Ohmyg Review: "Super Silent" G-Spot Massager 7

If a toy's mak­ers are going to claim it offers mind-​blowing orgasms (which… meh), the prod­uct bet­ter be able to han­dle the thing it was lit­er­al­ly cre­at­ed to do.

That brings me back to the sputtering dolphin emulator that iobatoys calls the OhMyG.

The click­ing sounds are a symp­tom of cheap plas­tic parts grad­u­al­ly break­ing — after repeat­ed inci­dents, the ioba­toys OhMyG bites the dust.

Luckily, cus­tomer ser­vice for ioba­toys is great; when if you have issues with it break­ing, you can get a refund or replace­ment. I wouldn't go for the ioba­toys OhMyG in the first place, though — it's cer­tain­ly not worth the cost for me, even when functional.

I'm not alone. These 1‑star reviews from verified buyers on the iobatoys website echo many of my sentiments.

Bekah wrote:

I didn't feel like it did much for me. Also, any­time I would engage my pelvic floor it would start click­ing and became real­ly uncom­fort­able. It actu­al­ly was mood killer.

F wrote:

Unfortunately, the silence is from lack of pow­er. When using the toy you can bare­ly feel it work­ing. If you try and move it to a spot where it might feel bet­ter, it gets stuck and clicks like its about to break. Its actu­al­ly real­ly uncom­fort­able to move. Overall very dis­ap­point­ed and wouldn't recommend.

Gary Epstein wrote:

We have many toys in every price range. My wife did not see any­thing spe­cial with this toy.

Annabel wrote:

I found it doesn’t reach the G spot as intend­ed and when try­ing to move it to reach it, it stut­ters and caus­es a lot of discomfort.

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Some toys don't work for me pure­ly due to per­son­al pref­er­ence, and then there are toys of dubi­ous qual­i­ty. The ioba­toys OhMyG is the latter.

Yes, lots of peo­ple like it, and they're allowed to have their indi­vid­ual tastes, but it's appalling­ly easy to stall and destroy the machin­ery. If it were a $60 toy, I'd under­stand, but we're talk­ing about over $150 out of con­sumers' pockets.

Plenty of self-thrusting G-spot sex toys will last you longer and yield results better than the iobatoys OhMyG.

The Fun Factory Stronic Surf, Stronic Real, and SUNDAZE, for exam­ple, actu­al­ly are prac­ti­cal­ly whisper-​quiet, on top of inno­v­a­tive and near­ly effort­less to use. The FemmeFunn Cadenza also fea­tures a curv­ing tip that expands and con­tracts — maybe loud­ly, but with way more pow­er than what the ioba­toys OhMyG can offer.

Iobatoys also claimed that their OhMyG "mim­ics the nat­ur­al stim­u­la­tion dur­ing inter­course" What? If you want a thruster with a real­is­tic stroke length to sim­u­late inter­course, get a Velvet Thruster. It's loud and mechan­i­cal, but it's one of the best hand­held fuck­ing machines.

Plus, the Stronics have 7 steady speeds, and the SUNDAZE has 11. They're what the ioba­toys OhMyG's three set­tings wish they were — and for not much more than the OhMyG's reg­u­lar price.

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Counterclockwise from top left: Fun Factory Bi Stronic Fusion (use­less exter­nal stim­u­la­tor but great G‑spotting), Velvet Thruster Jackie, Fun Factory Stronic Real

My sole com­plaint with the Stronic Real was that it makes me come so stu­pid­ly quick­ly that my vagi­na push­es it out some­times. Not only is that a good prob­lem to have, but it's also eas­i­ly mit­i­gat­ed with a pil­low, a firm grip, or a secure base to wrap my legs around.

The iobatoys OhMyG's clacking is innate. There's not much I can do about it, short of waiting for a motor redesign — or just not using it. I'd much rather opt for the latter.

Full disclosure

ioba­toys paid me to write this OhMyG review, but that doesn't change my opin­ion of it — even if they've oth­er­wise done a great job of buy­ing acclaim.

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5 Responses

  1. B R says:

    Thanks for sav­ing me some mon­ey with hon­est infor­ma­tion and no BS.

  2. G says:

    the first sec­tion alone has a read­er know­ing they're in for a treat, unfor­tu­nate­ly at your expense but still 😛

  3. G says:

    this is a real­ly fas­ci­nat­ing read & the open­ing line of this is pure gold. tyvm for shar­ing this!!

  4. C says:

    So glad I read this before buy­ing!! The adver­tis­ing was real­ly entic­ing me!

  5. AJ says:

    It is soooooo hard to come by an hon­est review­er who is also get­ting paid for it. Most toy shops want pos­i­tive reviews only, so I thank you for being honest.
    I wish I saw this before pay­ing for the toy, but at least I used a code for it, plus it didn't come from my own bank account, so no true tears were spilled. I just got­ta test it out before ful­ly say­ing if I enjoyed it or not.

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