Best Thrusting Toys vs. Gorilla Grip Coochie: Comparison of Contraptions

This cunt con­sumes colos­sal can-​sized cocks and cracks fin­gers. The lat­ter abil­i­ty is a haz­ard at times — my walls crush thrust­ing toys like a vise, over­pow­er their func­tion­al­i­ty, and occa­sion­al­ly eject erections.

Thrusting sex toys compilation

I would say to play the world’s tini­est vio­lin for me — it's great for my pelvic floor but not for my wal­let. If you, too, have a goril­la grip coochie or boa-​binding booty­hole, I don’t want you wast­ing your mon­ey on the worst of these self-​thrusting toys.

After all, a sex toy that promis­es mind-​blowing orgasms bet­ter hold up to the phys­i­o­log­i­cal con­se­quences: clench­ing contractions.

For prac­ti­cal pur­pos­es, I’ll include mag­net­ic pul­sators and oth­er forms of back-​and-​forth oscil­la­tion, too. And I won’t leave you hang­ing — a hap­py end­ing is with­in reach. This list of self-​propelling, self-​thrusting sex toys also includes prod­ucts that worked for me.

Self-Thrusting Dildos I Actually Liked

Which thrusters hold up to this goril­la grip coochie? Here are my per­son­al favorites, all of which I have reviewed in the past. As such, I’ll link to the old posts while keep­ing the syn­opses some­what brief.

Thrusting toys I enjoyed include the Velvet Thruster Prime Sammi, Cal Exotics Santa Cruz Coaster, and Fun Factory Stronic Surf

As always, these rank­ings are based on my sub­jec­tive tastes. Some fea­tures might mat­ter more to you than me or vice ver­sa — mean­ing that what I call B‑tier might also unlock next-​level orgasms for you.

Use the table of con­tents below to skip sections.

S‑Tier: The Best Self-​Thrusting Vibrators

These com­pact thrust­ing toys are my all-​around top recommendations.

Velvet Thrusters

Velvet Thrusters are their own tier among hand­held fuck­ing machines, often imi­tat­ed but nev­er dupli­cat­ed. Cue woozy, flushed face with min­i­mal effort.

Are you the type to text, “Remix my guts, bby,” first thing in the morn­ing dur­ing ovu­la­tion week? Do you love hav­ing your insides rearranged? I do. And if you do, too, you'll adore the Velvet Thruster Prime Edward. Lube, mount, insert, turn on, and let your eyes glaze over for an orgasm or two or twenty-​nine. It gets the job done so quick­ly for this pil­low princess.

Velvet Thruster Prime Sammi girth comparison to wrists and hands

It’s seri­ous­ly the best you can get — short of a full-​on sex machine that plugs into the wall and comes with its own plat­form. Velvet Thrusters deliv­er seri­ous pow­er while fit­ting into a normal-​sized purse or backpack.

They're also among the few where the thrust­ing mech­a­nism alone can go deep enough to give me cer­vi­cal orgasms, hence why the Prime ver­sion is by far the most used on this list. 

Use code SUPER25 for 25% off sitewide at The Thruster.

Velvet Thruster Prime — the cream of the crop

Within its size class, what sets the Velvet Thruster Prime apart is that it still keeps on keep­ing on even when I cum and clench, and even when it’s ram­ming my high ceiling.

  • Up to 140 thrusts per minute
  • A 3” stroke length that feels like intercourse
  • Lots of bat­tery juice with­out much bulk
  • Loud, but I'm will­ing to deal with that for every­thing else I get
  • Detachable posi­tion­ing aids like a suc­tion cup for mount­ing while still stay­ing compact. 
    • I most­ly ride it cowgirl-​style for max­i­mum lever­age, low­er­ing my weight onto it.
  • Several dil­do attach­ment options, from long and lean to thi­i­i­i­ick­kkkk and rugged 
    • Edward is 8” long by 1.6” wide with a gen­tle curve for easy angling dur­ing deep dicking
    • Sammie is 8” long by 1.9” wide with veins galore for walls to grip onto

Read my full Velvet Thruster Prime Edward review and Prime dil­do attach­ments com­par­i­son to acquaint your­self with this mar­velous contraption.

Velvet Thruster Teddy TX
Velvet Thruster Mini Teddy XL

The Velvet Thruster mini Teddy TX, XL, and GS are the “lite” ver­sions, with:

  • A short­er stroke length (2.5” vs. 3”)
  • Slightly slow­er top speed (128 strokes per minute vs. 140) 
    • It will slow down more notice­ably with force applied — but it will keep going.
  • No cus­tomiz­abil­i­ty (the suc­tion cup and one dil­do shape are per­ma­nent­ly fixed on the Velvet Thruster Teddy unit)
  • A small­er bat­tery (800mAh, 20 min­utes of charge, 4 hours of play)
  • A small­er price tag! If one mini-​thruster is all you need, have at it!

Any of them will do, but if I had to pick one for deep pen­e­tra­tion, it would be the Teddy XL. For those who want some­thing more G‑spotty, get the GS, duh.

And if you want a big­ger dual-​density thruster with a skin-​like squish, you can get it as a bun­dle with the VixSkin Colossus or Holster exten­sion sleeve. Or shop oth­er exten­ders that might fit.

Fun Factory Stronic Surf & Stronic Real

Fun Factory’s Stronics thrust them­selves back and forth with a mag­net­ic weight. The result? They’re not real­is­tic like the Velvet Thrusters, nor are they strong enough to go deep. But they make up for the small­er force with more focus dur­ing shal­low penetration.

One down­side is that I orgasm stu­pid­ly quick­ly and fre­quent­ly with it, so I have to be care­ful to have a pil­low or some­thing stop­ping my walls from eject­ing the toy entire­ly. That’s a pret­ty good prob­lem to have.

Their Stronic Surf has mul­ti­ple waves along the shaft, which lock into place along my front wall and pre­cise­ly stroke the same hot spots repeat­ed­ly. Likewise, its smoother sib­ling, the Stronic Real, jos­tles my inter­nal cli­toris again and again.

Fun Factory Stronic Surf and Real pulsators

Since the max­i­mum stroke length is only a half-​inch, it’s not quite a fuck­ing machine, but still more rav­aging than a vibra­tor on the low­er set­tings. And, as a bonus, it’s tru­ly whisper-quiet.

Read my Stronic Surf and Stronic Real reviews for more details. These pul­sators aren’t for every­body — stick to a Velvet Thruster or Power Banger if you need the full fuck­ing machine expe­ri­ence — but if you’re a fan of finess­ing fin­gers that just won’t quit, the Stronics might be more your jam.

Use code SUPERSMASHCACHE for 10% off if you get one from Peepshow Toys.

A‑Tier: Fantastic Fuckables, With Some Caveats

These toys aren't per­fect, but still fuck with force.

Femmefunn Cadenza & BMS Naked Addiction Thrusting Dong

I grouped the Cadenza and Naked Addiction thrusters due to their move­ment qual­i­ty — their small, speedy strokes are chop­pi­er and punchi­er than the vibes I men­tioned above. I’d sum them up as “crack-​like” com­pared to the Velvet Thrusters’ or Fun Factory Stronics’ smooth moves.

Femmefunn Cadenza intense thrusting G-spot massager

FemmeFunn’s Cadenza will pound, pum­mel, jerk, and jolt the G‑spot at a high frequency.

To be frank, it’s a lot, and if you’re the type to feel ten­der at all after orgasm, this “wham-​bam” vibe ain’t for you. Doubly so if you don’t want that move­ment going in straight, as with the BMS Naked Addiction.

These toys bul­ly an orgasm out of me and feel very one-​and-​done. Fortunately, you can turn off the Naked Addiction thruster’s motor and use it as a pli­ant dual-​density dildo.

Read my full Femmefunn Cadenza and BMS Naked Addiction thruster review.

California Dreaming Santa Cruz Coaster

This self-​thrusting rab­bit fuck­ing makes sense — the shaft fucks you while the exter­nal arm stays and vibrates in place. Cal Exotics’ Santa Cruz Coaster fits like my rab­bit vibra­tor soul­mate, tight­ly clamp­ing my clit and G‑spot prac­ti­cal­ly hands-free.

Cal Exotics California Dreaming Santa Cruz Coaster self-thrusting rabbit vibrator

It fucks fast enough for me, at any speed set­ting. My walls can stall the Santa Cruz Coaster, but its bul­bous build melds so well with my pubic bone that angling is effort­less all the same. I don’t have to apply extra force or wor­ry about grind­ing it against my front wall; it flaw­less­ly does all the work for me, both inside and out.

For best results, make sure you:

  • Keep it charged before use so it doesn’t run out of juice
  • Use lots of lube to keep the sur­faces smooth and slick
  • Manage your expec­ta­tions — it is very mechan­i­cal on the inside and pin­point­ed on the out­side, and not every­one is into that

As always, every body is dif­fer­ent, and dual stim­u­la­tors are super anatomy-​specific, so read my full review before get­ting this rab­bit vibrator.

Use code SUPER for 10% off if you get one from Betty's Toy Box.

B‑tier: The Best of the Rest

The fol­low­ing toys’ move­ments might not entire­ly fall into the thrust­ing cat­e­go­ry. Still, they’re worth con­sid­er­ing if you’re look­ing for:

  • Pulsations that fall some­where between thrust­ing and vibrating
  • More options for dif­fer­ent shapes
  • Ways to switch sen­sa­tions from inter­nal to exter­nal to dual
Evolved Novelties Our Gyro Vibe gyrating massager

Evolved Novelties [Our] Gyro Vibe

The Evolved Gyro Vibe series offers a thud­dy, thrum­ming option between thrust­ing and vibrat­ing. Its motor hub hous­es a spin­ning weight, which dif­fus­es move­ment to the flex­i­ble phallus(es) for G‑spotty (and poten­tial­ly A‑spotty) massage.

Note my word choice: dif­fuse — the move­ment is notice­able (and looks wild on cam­era!) but more like pas­sive pulses.

Even more notably, I can posi­tion the Evolved Gyro Vibe so that the exter­nal por­tion bumps up against my clit over and over again with smooooooth but per­cus­sive brava­do. It first and fore­most flaunts a cli­toral claim to fame, with some pen­e­tra­tion on the side.

Dorcel Double Do double penetration dildo with posable shaft folded next to the packaging

Dorcel Double Do & Lovehoney Happy Rabbit Curve

I grouped these two vibes because their motors could eas­i­ly be called “Stronic Lite.” They con­tain a sim­i­lar but lighter lin­ear mag­net­ic weight mech­a­nism to pro­pel back and forth for stu­pid­ly quick orgasms from shal­low sen­sa­tions. Think of them as "Pulsator Minus" or "Dildo Plus" rather than full-​on thrusters.

What makes these two picks unique is their shape:

Happy Rabbit Curve self-thrusting G-spot rabbit vibrator

Fun Factory Sundaze Pulse Vibrator

Stronic pul­sators’ stroke lengths get short­er as you turn up the tem­po; the more you trade the range of motion for speed, the more it resem­bles vibration.

Fun Factory’s Sundaze owns this quirk, offer­ing numer­ous options for light lin­ear tap­ping and vibra­tion, all with a ver­sa­tile head shape. An edge for pin­point­ed puls­es? Check. A flat head for broad­er bump­ing? Check.

Its tip isn’t my favorite for inter­nal stim­u­la­tion, but:

  • You can use Sundaze as main­ly a cli­toral mas­sager, with pen­e­tra­tion as a side dish
  • It's super dis­creet and tru­ly whisper-​quiet with an unpar­al­leled power-​to-​sound ratio

Read my full Fun Factory Sundaze review.

Fun Factory Sundaze Pulse Vibe

Summary: Toys That Hold Up Against My Gorilla Grip Coochie

Though Velvet Primes have snatched my soul for more than a half-​decade, each of the above toys makes me fan­tas­ti­cal­ly fer­al in a dif­fer­ent way.

Robust thrusts aren’t a giv­en in Toyland, but there’s still plen­ty to choose from, depend­ing on your pri­or­i­ties. Do you want a fuck­ing machine that feels like fuck­ing, or are you all in for rid­ing a robot? My goril­la grip coochie says yes to all of the above.

See my deals and dis­counts page for codes to use at dif­fer­ent shops:

Thrusting Toys That Stopped or Stalled When I Clenched

Indeed, test­ing fuck­ing machines is fun, but I’ve tried many where I let out the unpleas­ant kind of groan.

This next part tells tales of toys less fun for me — but it might be more fun for you to read about the fuck­ers my walls stalled.

Grab some pop­corn and but­ter, and sea­son with the impend­ing salt content.

Thrusting toys that my gorilla grip coochie walls stalled

Let’s rank the pathet­ic thrust­ing toys I dis­liked from most egre­gious to least.

The Haughty, their Hubris, and their Hamartia

Lora DiCarlo Ose 2

The Lora DiCarlo Ose 2 is con­sti­tu­tion­al­ly unde­serv­ing of my cunt. This vibra­tor retailed for $300 and crowd­fund­ed over $9 mil­lion with its dec­la­ra­tions of next-​level orgasms, but it couldn’t even han­dle the first clench when I came.

It stopped mov­ing at the crit­i­cal moment.

Best Thrusting Toys vs. Gorilla Grip Coochie: Comparison of Contraptions 1

This toy is like that guy on Tinder who missed the memo that pleas­ing some­one takes more than looks, audac­i­ty, and mystery.

It’s a mere step beyond that dat­ing pro­file with no pic­tures — just a blank square. Lora DiCarlo’s ANME trade show booth in 2019 didn’t even have a prod­uct photo.

And let’s not for­get that Lora ghost­ed retail­ers and con­sumers. Poof, gone, van­ished, with orders left unful­filled for months. The Theranos-​ass trash took itself out. Call its down­fall pro­tec­tion and redirection.

Oh, and if you’re going to close the orgasm gap, don’t just say it — show it.

iobatoys OhMyG

“All plea­sure, no noise!” declared the land­ing page of ioba­toys’ — mak­er of the so-​called “ultra silent” G‑spot mas­sager that chit­tered like an angry squir­rel when I squeezed around it.

Iobatoys Ohmyg G-spot massager

Imagine these sounds at the crit­i­cal cli­mac­tic moment:

  • A dol­phin cen­sor­ing words on Spongebob Squarepants
  • A click­ing Anti-​Lock Braking System when dri­ving in snow

As far as sex toys go? That’s the sound of cheap plas­tic com­po­nents abrad­ing under ten­sion. For a triple-​digit price tag, you deserve bet­ter than bro­ken promis­es and bro­ken parts.

LELO Soraya Wave

I’m not sure why LELO asked if I’d review their Enigma Wave after I:

  • Reluctantly accept­ed a date Gave their Soraya Wave a chance, and went from a soft no to a “Hard no, and I must warn oth­er women before it’s too late.”
  • Explained why my heart sinks every time I see influ­encers pro­mot­ing spe­cif­ic dual-​stimulation/​rabbit vibra­tors — cue flash­backs of dis­ap­point­ment after disappointment
LELO Soraya come hither G-spot massager

The LELO Soraya Wave has two steady “come hith­er” speeds: slow and slow­er, and its loose fit doesn’t do shit for my clit.

I want to believe the best in peo­ple, but if Lora DiCarlo is a ghost, LELO is that per­sis­tent ex-​prospect who used to be so sweet but became com­pla­cent, and now you (most­ly) wish he would just go away.

6 More Thrusters My Cunt Constricted

I’ll rapid-​fire the fol­low­ing because while they weren’t a good fit for me, they weren’t pompous in their pre­sen­ta­tion. It’s the dif­fer­ence between me send­ing a friend mul­ti­ple con­sec­u­tive voice notes rant­i­ng about some­one ver­sus qui­et­ly delet­ing a con­tact and mes­sage thread.

My goril­la grip coochie and I ran out of fucks to give by that point.

Discover more from Super Smash Cache

Subscribe to get the lat­est posts to your email.

1 Response

  1. anotheroneofnone says:

    Ha! I had a vibrat­ing butt plug. Now it's a butt plug. Funny how we can break the cheap motors with a "lit­tle" hap­py clench. But it saves me on batteries.

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.