4 Commandments for Size Queens With Vaginas

"Let's just say she's 'open' to new things," some­one com­ment­ed on a viral video of my sex toy col­lec­tion.

Big dil­dos are among the most polar­iz­ing and stig­ma­tiz­ing toys for women. Strangers have made all sorts of rude remarks and assump­tions about the state of my holes because of them.

Why should I pay the haters any mind?

I know how tight­ly my vagi­na still squeezes, despite eas­i­ly insert­ing dil­dos big­ger than my fist. I know I can use a VixSkin Gambler and go straight to penis-​in-​vag inter­course with no neg­a­tive impact on my partner's nor my plea­sure. I know how my pelvic floor mus­cles have won a vagi­nal weightlift­ing contest.

That self-​assurance didn't come naturally, though.

Like many young women eager to please their part­ners, I used to fear being stretched out by toys.

It took me years to ful­ly appre­ci­ate what I know now: that fist­ing and using big dil­dos only ever adds to and mul­ti­plies my plea­sure and my part­ners' — as long as we do it right, of course.

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Here are the four commandments for size royalty with vaginas:

1. Love your vagi­na for how pow­er­ful it is.
2. You come first.
3. Appreciate the exis­tence of good lube.
4. Care for your vagi­na and lis­ten to its limits.

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1. Love your vagina for how powerful it is.

Vaginas are among the most ver­sa­tile things in exis­tence. Mine can crack a partner's knuck­les and lift dumb­bells tied to vagi­nal exer­cise balls and con­sume a dil­do as fat as the top of a soda can. Contrary to the nar­ra­tive of vagi­nas either being pure and tight or used and loose, one can be both strong and flexible.

There's a rea­son I say my vagi­na "con­sumes" dil­dos rather than "takes" them: it reframes the action so that I'm not in a pas­sive role. Sex isn't some­thing done "to" me, nor is it some­thing that "destroys" me. Sexual plea­sure can be a cre­ative and heal­ing force.

When squeez­ing and relax­ing my pelvic floor mus­cles dur­ing the crescen­do of an orgasm, it feels nat­ur­al and invig­o­rat­ing. It's some­thing my body was made to do, like work­ing my leg mus­cles dur­ing a hike or relax­ing them doing yoga.

Imagine how ridicu­lous it would be to tell half of the pop­u­la­tion, "Don't do yoga — it'll stretch out and use up your legs. Keep your legs tight for your part­ner." Leg mus­cles can be strong and flex­i­ble. So can the pelvic floor sur­round­ing the vagina.

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2. You come first.

If you're not here to have fun for your­self, what are you doing? Your ecsta­sy is not sec­ondary to your partners'.

The vagi­na is one of many plea­sure path­ways, help­ful for stim­u­lat­ing not only a penis's erec­tile tis­sue, but also a clitoris's.

Big cocks and dil­dos pro­vide deep, intense pres­sure on the cli­toral bulbs and cru­ra — for many, result­ing in longer, stronger orgasms than exter­nal stim­u­la­tion alone.

As long as big dil­dos feel plea­sur­able to you and you're lis­ten­ing to your body, that's what mat­ters. Liking small and aver­age dicks is nor­mal. So is enjoy­ing big phalluses.

There's no such thing as one ide­al size — if large inser­tions do it for you, focus on your plea­sure first. The right part­ner for you will appre­ci­ate it.

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3. Appreciate the existence of good lube.

Using big dil­dos takes a lot of prepa­ra­tion: warm-​up toys, exter­nal stim­u­la­tion, and of course, arti­fi­cial lubri­ca­tion can all help!

Lube is just anoth­er tool for plea­sure; there's noth­ing wrong with using it! It decreas­es fric­tion, keep­ing pen­e­tra­tion smooth and slick even dur­ing extend­ed ses­sions — and the big­ger the toy, the more time you might need to get relaxed and com­fort­able. Reapply as you wish.

A lubri­cant infused with CBD makes the expe­ri­ence even cushi­er, releas­ing the pelvic floor of unwant­ed ten­sion and calm­ing the mind. Most CBD-​infused lubes use a coconut oil base, which breaks down con­doms and doesn't inter­act nice­ly with many users' vagi­nal microbiomes.

GoLove is water-​based with clean ingre­di­ents, mak­ing it more vagina-​friendly and com­pat­i­ble with latex bar­ri­ers. It con­tains 2mg of CBD in every pump, allow­ing for easy but potent dos­ing. Take 20% off GoLove CBD with dis­count code SUPER20

That's just a start­ing point for lube, though. If you're mov­ing on to full-​on fist­ing, con­sid­er try­ing a thick­er gel lube like Wicked Aqua Jelle or Sliquid Silk.

UPDATE: See my guide to sen­su­al body care prod­ucts for where to get the best lube, CBD, mas­sage cream, and more!

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4. Care for your vagina and listen to its limits.

If you're feel­ing pain or dis­com­fort, it's time to slow down, take a break, or switch activ­i­ties. While pelvic floors can be strong, like oth­er mus­cle groups, they can also get sore if you train them too hard or stretch them too fast.

Take sim­i­lar pre­cau­tions when going deep and try­ing to evade your cervix — there's no need to rush! Even I, a cer­vi­cal orgasm con­nois­seur, need to start slow some­times, tak­ing my time as my vagi­na expands.

Comfort and relax­ation are key. Going slow­ly means work­ing WITH your body to make room to enjoy more, and for longer.

Build up the antic­i­pa­tion when climb­ing up the roller-​coaster before releas­ing the best part of using big toys: the end­less waves of back-​to-​back spell­bind­ing orgasms. That's one of the ulti­mate forms of self-love.

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Further reading on how to enjoy big dildos

This post was most­ly about the mind­set side of enjoy­ing pen­e­tra­tion. For more prac­ti­cal tips and tools, read my review of the Tantus Bishop XL, Fist Trainer, and Pawn — three big dil­dos that pushed my limits!.

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This post was spon­sored. All words writ­ten here are my own, as always!