5 Ways I've Made My Orgasms Longer and More Intense
The second time I ever got stoned, I had orgasms for 20 minutes straight. It happened about five years ago— at the time, I thought it was an unusual occurrence for my body. However, I've since cultivated my orgasms to the point where back-to-back multiples for extended periods are the norm for me.
Here are some basic ways I (a person with a vulva and vagina) have made my orgasms more expansive. Your mileage may vary; the best orgasms are whichever ones you (and consensual partners) enjoy. But as always, much of refining sexual experiences involves building on your foundation with variety and exploration.
Tips to try in the moment, during play
1 Find a clitoral toy that steadily overwhelms by just the right amount
Among my sex geeky friends, I'm not alone in experiencing extended orgasms. One friend often has orgasms for five minutes straight using the Magic Wand Rechargeable with a G‑spotty wand attachment. Another had an orgasm for 15 minutes by using the ultra-rumbly LELO Smart Wand Large while her partner spanked her.
I'm a fan of both the Eroscillator and the Magic Wand Plus— either one yields long and intense orgasms for me. The Magic Wand Plus is far more powerful, but the Eroscillator is more targeted, and its side-to-side oscillations subjectively feel deeper to me. It's a different type of power. And though I think squirting is overrated, it happens far more naturally to me with the Eroscillator than the Magic Wand.
Both plug into the wall, so I can keep using them (almost) indefinitely without worrying about batteries dying out. (Why almost? Because the Magic Wand Plus automatically shuts off after 20 consecutive minutes of use. But you can immediately turn it back on.)
2 Tone down stimulation after orgasm and ramp it back up
If you find yourself too sensitive after an orgasm to even think about continuing with a powerful wand, try to leverage that tendency. Continue stimulation but start the next "wave" of sensation gently, increase the intensity, and drop it back down right after the peak. The result for me is multiple orgasms that blend and feel like one big one.
When a cervical orgasm dips toward the plateau, that could mean holding the dildo (or having a partner hold his hips) in place to bottom me out and press into my posterior fornix— then giving a few thrusts and maybe increasing speed until I come again. And repeat. Likewise for with a G‑spot dildo, except instead of pushing it all the way in, I'd keep it shallow, tilt it more steeply, and maintain stationary pressure before ramping the thrusting back up.
With a clitoral orgasm, that could mean turning the speed down, adjusting pressure, or positioning differently for more diffuse sensation. For example, my clitoris appreciates the Dame Kip's sharp edge and the Zumio's fine point for reaching orgasm, but immediately afterward, I need something broader, like the flat sides of the Kip or the Zumio's stem. With a finger against my clit, I'd prefer slowing down and switching from the fingertip to the pad of the finger, and switching back when speeding up.
3 Combine clitoral stimulation with a girthy dildo
Girthy dildos press against the legs of the internal clitoris and give the pelvic floor muscles some resistance to clench around. Pretty much any dildo (or penis) will serve this purpose, but here are my top picks:
Uberrime Sensi — a moderate 1.6" diameter pussy plug that's fun to wear and squish
LuzArte (formerly Jollies) Jollet — a firm, 1.75" thick dildo designed for stationary use that fits snugly against the G‑spot for steady pressure
Blush Novelties Avant D3/D4 — bumps galore and 2" wide at the prominent corona
Vixen Creations Randy — a dildo with the girth of the top of a soda can. It's seriously intense. I've infamously described the sounds I make when using it as comparable to someone giving birth.
Long-term habits for better orgasms
Big, bold orgasms often go hand-in-hand with good sex and Kegel exercises for me. As such, it's a good time to recap some of my past posts.
4 Keep your pelvic floor in shape by doing Kegel exercises
The pelvic floor muscles contract during orgasm. So the stronger they are (especially the pubococcygeal muscle), the more intense the orgasms. Keeping them in shape also increases circulation to the vagina and vulva, enhancing sensation and making it easier to reach orgasm in the first place.
Other benefits I've mentioned before include "a strong enough grip to crack a friend’s finger and easy enough relaxation to take a dildo bigger than a soda can."
If you can easily isolate your pelvic floor muscles (imagine you have to go to the bathroom soon and are clenching to hold it in), the easiest way to exercise them is to squeeze them for as long as you comfortably can, relax for a few seconds, and repeat. If you can't tell whether you're doing it properly, consider trying small weights you can set and forget, or an electrostimulation vibrator to send electrical impulses to the muscles.
Other (often more fun) ways to work out the pelvic floor include:
- playing games on the kGoal app
- belly dancing
- vaginal weightlifting
5 Medibate with breath and energy play
Amazing sex involves so much more than the genitals— breath, muscle tension, and mental focus all orchestrate the experience. For that reason, I credit Barbara Carellas' book, Urban Tantra, for taking my sex life to the next level. More specifically, there's a section where she instructs how to have orgasms by breathing and clenching your PC muscles while visualizing energy circulation through the chakras (energetic points in the body).
To some, this sacred sexuality technique might sound super woo-woo. To me, it's an active practice in scanning the body at suggested reference points and practicing awareness of my physiological state. And that has only ever helped me boost my orgasms overall.
If you're curious and would like to learn more, here are more resources on breath and energy orgasms:
- The Urban Tantra book
- Annie Sprinkle's guide
- Barbara Carellas's quick guide
- Martha Tara Lee's video demonstration
I often write about having long orgasms, but as with anything else in sex, I had to learn how to do that. I'm a sex geek on many levels, and I've tried many, many things from the purely physical to the woo-woo. If bigger orgasms are what you seek, I hope reading about my journey gave you a few shortcuts.
What are your favorite techniques and habits for boosting your orgasms?
Hey! Betty's Toy Box sponsored this post. All opinions expressed in this post are my own, as always.
We have been practicing number two for years…something about that doesn't sound right. Anyway we discovered edge play kind of by accident and now it's our favorite sexual pasttime. As we go we have had to add other elements to constantly take things to a higher level. Fantasy, girthy dildos, subtle clit toys like the Satisfyer Pro Traveler, nipple clamps, bondage (mental or physical.) On a really good night we involve all of them and the orgasms are always explosive and extensive.
FASCINATING Would love to read more about your thoughts on breath/energy play
I will try Kegel exercises with my gf. Thanks! 😉
Some very good points & tips here, thank you very much!
need to remember to come back to this article if i ever wanna try this out ^^
I actually have to delay clit stim for a while in order to achieve multiples (otherwise I peak too quickly); lots of vibration on my external labia and near the vaginal opening works for me, with very little direct stim until I want the bigger finish. (Sometimes very subtle, steady broad vibration on the mons works, too.) Sometimes just refocusing the tension in my clit (like it’s a heartbeat that can pump pleasure to other areas) works. Trying to edge or otherwise deny things doesn’t seem to work for me; the orgasm just feels anticlimactic then…