7 Steamy Skills For Soft Dominant Dirty Talk

Torment with plea­sure and dis­ci­pline with praise.

Soft Domination can have a hard-​hitting psy­cho­log­i­cal impact with tears of over­whelm and ecsta­sy — no chains or whips nec­es­sary. Our focus here is the brain and cun­ning linguistics.

So you want to talk dirty like the guys women write smut­ty romance nov­els about?

Consider read­ing this soft Domination 101 guide when you're alone. It includes spe­cif­ic exam­ples of things to say to a sub­mis­sive, includ­ing pos­i­tive rein­force­ment, gen­tle degra­da­tion, and a list of adjec­tives and pet names. We're keep­ing it (most­ly) slow, sen­su­al, and sweet here.

1. Pre-gaming negotiations and intentions

Pre-​gaming is essen­tial to dirty talk­ing like a soft Dominant, and for more than one reason:

• You get in your partner's head to learn their turn-​ons, turn-​offs, and motivations.
• You set inten­tions for the feel­ings you'd like to elic­it in them.
• You expand on their “Fuck yes” to build ten­sion and antic­i­pa­tion, leav­ing them want­i­ng more. We'll dis­cuss that in the next section.

Does your sub­mis­sive part­ner want to feel out of con­trol of their orgasms? Helpless? Validated and good? Used like a cum rag? Adored and played with like a pre­mi­um sex doll dressed up for your view­ing pleasure?

Maybe “slut” does noth­ing for some­one or dis­tracts them (or, even worse, trig­gers them), but they like “doll” and “dar­ling.” Someone else might find “doll” too objectifying.

Either way, a BDSM scene is not the time or place to be mak­ing assump­tions. So take what res­onates and note what doesn't. Build a yes/​no/​maybe list of terms and phras­es from these exam­ples — I'll link a lil spread­sheet with ideas for soft Dom/​sub dirty talk pet names and adjec­tives. Find them in bullet-​point text form at the end of the post.

2. Ignite their imagination — what are you about to do?

Once you know what gets some­one going and where they'd like to go, turn up the heat.

Slow burn

If you're opt­ing for a slow burn, build enthu­si­as­tic con­sent into dirty talk and vice ver­sa to ensure every­one has a good time.

Here are a few examples:

• I'm think­ing about _​_​_​_​_​_​_​_​_​_​. How do you feel about that?
• Are you ask­ing for me to fuck the sass out of you?
• I can't wait to _​_​_​_​_​_​_​_​_​ tonight.
• I'd love to see you _​_​_​_​_​_​_​_​_​ while I _________.
• Tell me what you want. I want to hear you say it.

I love the first one because if you know your sub­mis­sive well and fill in the blank with some­thing they like, just the way they like it, it dan­gles the treat in front of their face. You could apply that fig­u­ra­tive­ly or literally.

Safe space

It's also a sexy way to ask for con­sent, giv­ing them an out if they'd rather do some­thing else. They can keep the ten­sion by fill­ing in the blanks with their ver­sion of filth.

• Well, I'm think­ing about ________.
• I'd get wetter/​cum hard­er if we ________.
• That does noth­ing for me, and I'd rather _______.
  • (Harsher than the pre­vi­ous two? Sure. But it helps piv­ot in the case of some­one mild­ly mis­read­ing the situation.)

Pleasure is imminent

Once the ball is rolling, you can shift the focus from the far­ther future to the immi­nent with dirty talk phras­es like:

• You ready for the tip, sweet­heart? I'll make it fit.
• It's not enough until we're hip-​to-​hip. (Followed by imme­di­ate­ly grab­bing them and going all the way in.)
• Bend over for me, and I'll _______.
• Beg for it, and I'll give you more.
• I'll show you where my cum belongs.

3. Add affectionate possessiveness to something dirty

That last bit about where things belong is just one way to show lov­ing pos­ses­sion in a soft Domination con­text. Adding “my” before an oth­er­wise harsh or objec­ti­fy­ing sen­ti­ment hits differently:

• My fuck­able cum sleeve
• My trem­bling fuck puppet
• My breed­able bim­bo slut
• My ready and will­ing incubator
• Your hips belong against mine, and mine only
• Doesn't this dick feel like it was made just for your walls?

Why does that subtle change have such a different connotation?

Perhaps because own­er­ship of an object you chose implies care and attention.

It may show deep­en­ing vul­ner­a­bil­i­ty between you and your part­ner, mak­ing it more about the con­nec­tion where their (dark­er, pos­si­bly repressed, con­flict­ing) wants are seen, under­stood, antic­i­pat­ed, and attend­ed to.

It could also play on the “cor­rup­tion” theme, where you are The One who coach­es them to be good at being bad. There's so much at play, and everyone's a lit­tle dif­fer­ent. (We could dig deep­er into shame and go hard­core, but this post is about soft Domination, so we'll keep that our focus.)

4. Tell them what you're doing — and how much they love it

Dirty talk dur­ing sex helps guide them to stay present and focused on the intend­ed plea­sur­able feel­ing — espe­cial­ly if they're deep in sub­space. Use the pow­er of sug­ges­tion to ampli­fy the effect and show them that you're in control.

Examples:

• Yeah? You like it when I spread your lips apart and rub my pre-​cum on that clit?
• You're get­ting wet­ter every time I ________.
• Awwww, you're shak­ing with my fin­gers inside you. Do you want more?
• There you go. You're doing such a good job of tak­ing it, darling.

5. Combine orders and praise with teasing

Remember that the “D” in “BDSM” isn't just about Dominance/​submission but also dis­ci­pline. Domination can involve giv­ing orders, but reward and pun­ish­ment are key to cod­i­fy­ing desired behavior.

For those with a praise kink, pos­i­tive rein­force­ment helps your submissive:

• Crave your affection
• Want to do the asso­ci­at­ed action more
• Earn your atten­tion and adoration.

Good behav­ior, reward, dopamine. Combine this part with affec­tion­ate pos­ses­sion if you'd like:

• You're such a good, obe­di­ent fuck doll.
• Look at your pret­ty lips wrapped around this big cock.
• You look so beau­ti­ful with my hand fill­ing your tiny cunt.
• I'm so proud of you for admit­ting you're a des­per­ate slut who needs to be filled up.
• Look at those pret­ty eyes glazed over like a dumb bim­bo bitch in heat.
• You're so cute when you beg for it.
• Awww, good _​_​_​_​_​. Was that so difficult?

6. Tease or jab, paired with endearment

Rub in how out-​of-​control or help­less they feel, if that's the intend­ed effect — great for some­one who prides them­selves on con­trol or intel­li­gence in “real life.” Similarly, “my slut” might be more evoca­tive for some­one with a lot of shame around pleasure.

Have fun with it, but make it clear that the focus is plea­sure (whether yours or theirs) and that you're delight­ed to be play­ing with how bad they want it:

• You're so needy, princess. You've been want­i­ng it so bad.
• Baby, what's wrong? Tell me what you want.
• Use your words, dear. I know you can do it.
• You're so des­per­ate for this cock, aren't you, darling?
• I can't hear you. If you want to cum, you'll have to beg loud­er, honey.
• Awwwwww, this brain­less, real­is­tic sex doll's moans sound so sweet.
• You're just here to be fucked and bred. No need to say any­thing, sweetheart.

7. Debrief and recap what you did

So your sub is a glazed mess of flu­ids right now. The time for snug­gles, back rubs, and replay­ing fond mem­o­ries! This section's ques­tions are most­ly a copy­paste from my pre­vi­ous post: To Rock My World, Stop Asking, "Did You Cum?"

• It was so hot when we _​_​_​_​. Did you feel that, too?”
• What did you like?
• What do you think? Better than last time? (And fol­low up with a compare/​contrast.)
• I noticed your face _​_​_​_​ when I _​_​_​_​. Can we talk about that?
• Did you pre­fer _​_​_​_​ or _​_​_​_​? … What makes that feel good for you?
• I loved _​_​_​_​. Can we do that again soon?

What's the appeal? "[These ques­tions] encour­age a men­tal replay of the most recent ses­sion, scan­ning for the hottest clips and sound­bites to savor the mem­o­ry," I wrote in my pre­vi­ous post. The prin­ci­ples are the same.

If it was an espe­cial­ly intense scene, though, throw in some extra affec­tion. "You're doing such a good job" turns into, "You did such a good job, doll."

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Yup, this post was spon­sored. Shop TPE sex dolls at BestRealDoll. The writ­ing and opin­ions expressed in this post are my own. Surely you could tell that I had fun cre­at­ing it.

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Soft Dom/sub pet names and adjectives

This last sec­tion is for the sub: jour­nal about it, or make a spread­sheet if you'd like!

If you've dis­cov­ered some­thing new about word­play that turns you on, you might want to:

1. Celebrate this expe­ri­ence (and maybe more to come!)
2. Record it some­where for your future self (and part­ners) to look back on.

Here's a quick list of adjec­tives and pet names to turn into a yes/​no/​maybe list. Write down how pos­i­tive­ly or neg­a­tive­ly you feel about them.

Download the PDF or take a look through the list below. Some pair­ings syn­er­gize more than oth­ers; as always, con­sid­er it a start­ing point. I've left a blank page for you to fill in with your terms, themes, and acts.