This blog started as a personal project— a way to affirm to myself that my sexuality is valid, despite the alienation I felt from many different directions.
It has since evolved into a business (“free” sex toys don’t pay the bills, you know).
But the core mission stands: to make the world a more pleasurable place for my readers.
1 Sex-positivity is about totally owning your experience.
Take your pleasure into your own hands. Explore new things, do your Kegels, breathe, and enjoy. Don’t believe the bullshit that it’s inherently harder for women to orgasm. But also, don’t believe the bullshit that one type of orgasm is superior to another.
Clitoral orgasms are as valid as cervical orgasms are as valid as ejaculating orgasms are as valid as never having orgasms. It’s also okay to have some bad days, to not have partnered sex, to take time to process sexual trauma, and so on.
2 Sex toys are good and useful tools.
A sex toy’s purpose is to stimulate better than your hands can. Sometimes, that means textures galore, or a rounded dildo the size of a soda can, or what could pass as a bludgeon. And you know what? Using specialized tools is okay.
Plenty of the best carpenters use power tools, laser cutters, and sledgehammers. Using a self-propelling reciprocating saw doesn’t make someone better or worse than someone who uses a handsaw. Driving a car doesn’t ruin long walks with a partner. It just takes you farther in less time.
3 I’ll never know everything about sex.
Even though our genes need sex to propagate, nobody is born inherently knowing how to have hot, mutually pleasure-oriented sex. It’s something we discover over time. And nobody is ever going to know everything about sex. It’s such a broad topic with so many intricacies. That’s like saying you know everything love, health, or food.
But you’re much more likely to find a food you love if you’re trying new things. Sometimes you’ll try something that makes you feel lukewarm. Sometimes, something really delicious elevates your standards. And sometimes, someone serves a better peach cobbler than what you can make yourself. But isn’t the satisfaction of tasting it still wonderful?
4 Every body is different.
We all come in different shapes and sizes, and our sexual anatomy and preferences also have much variety. Think of me as like a stylist: I’m here to help you find something that suits you.
If you’re feeling overwhelmed by the options, feel free to contact me.
I’ll send you some articles that may help you and give personalized suggestions for toys to try. If your questions are beyond the scope of an email, we can talk about one-on-one Zoom calls and consultations!