4 Mental Hang-Ups About Vibrators I've Gotten Over
I've used hundreds of sex toys, and that has made me more sensitive, more hyper-aware of what steps on my "arousal accelerator," and more easily able to orgasm with a broader range of stimuli.
What materialized was the total opposite of what my past self — and many other people — were afraid would happen:
- "What if a vibrator desensitizes me?" — My orgasms, both with and without toys, have expanded and become more intense over time.
- "It's better that I don't need a vibrator." — I still don't need one, but I love having the option!
- "What if it takes away from my enjoyment of sex with a partner?" — My partners find it hot to watch me use toys, and it only adds to our satisfaction.
Here's what I would tell my younger self — or someone who has mental hang-ups about using a vibrator.
Hang-Up: "Isn't It Better if I Don't Need a Vibrator?"
First things first, it's okay if you need a vibrator to reach orgasm and you find that the intense release enhances your quality of life. Second, it's okay to enjoy a vibrator even if you don't need it.
Would you deprive yourself of :
- Glasses that help you see everyday tasks?
- A sleep mask and soothing sounds that help get deeper rest?
- Music that gets you hyped for the day?
You don't need these little comforts and pleasures to have a fan-fucking-tastic day — but life is short.
Do you think carpenters fret about using power tools for speed and precision?
Didn't think so.
Buy yourself the fucking lilies (figuratively).
Hang-Up: "What if My Vibrator Desensitizes Me Long-Term?"
Maybe you're more worried about a vibrator's long-term effects.
You can get accustomed or habituated to using a vibrator, but numbing your nerve endings doesn't happen in the way people seem to imagine.
What's the difference?
I liken it to driving vs. traveling on foot. Running a mile might seem like a lot if you're used to driving everywhere. You might find it less convenient — but many people could walk that far with enough time and energy.
Likewise with going from a whirlwind wand massager to using your fingers:
- It might take longer — though it doesn't have to because, simply, it's a very different sensation
- Your hand or wrist might get tired — in which case, again, it's okay if you'd rather ride a bike or drive a car because you have farther to go
- You might feel yourself getting more turned on but find thoughts of "How long is this going to take?" distracting.
That last point is not about the vibration sensation or your nerve endings' sensitivity, as much as being in your head about where you "should" be on the journey.
And being in your head is one of the most reliable brakes to pleasure; staying present is key to enjoyment.
You can try a gazillion ways to move and find that you enjoy walking, jogging, sprinting, parkour, biking, and driving, alone or with a partner or a group. Your preferences may also shift with experience.
What Does the Science Actually Say?
I can use ad hoc analogies all day, but you don't have to take just my word for it. Kate Sloan discussed something similar in her newsletter:
Numerous studies have shown that vibrators improve sexual satisfaction, increase genital sensitivity, and can even treat sexual dysfunctions.
And in my experience, I've found the takeaways of increased sexual satisfaction and increased genital sensitivity to be true.
Hang-Up: "Sometimes I Feel Numb After Using a Wand. Is That Normal?"
This temporary numbing differs from the long-term habituation people are worried about above. It's like when you hear the sound of a fan at first, but as you get settled in, you start to tune it out as background noise.
But you can come back to the room later and notice the ambient sound again.
Turning up vibration speed as you proceed during a session and craving more stimulation is normal. Later, you can return to your baseline and enjoy the sensations again.
That said, I've found that the type of power and movement on my clit matters a lot. With something buzzy like a Bodywand or Magic Wand Original, I either insta-cum or numb quickly, almost like I find the high pitch to be a bit much, and subconsciously back away.
In the latter case, my experience has found that it's not a matter of general toy use but how well it matches my personal preference. My Doxy Die Cast is reliable and usually plugged into the wall, but some days, it doesn't quite do it for me.
Sometimes, I crave something rumblier — less intense but with deeper vibrations — and switching to that gets me off quickly. Sometimes, I switch to an air pulse massager or finger myself or switch to deep dildo dicking — and that gets me off faster than the wand would have.
In other words, while falling into a rut with a wand is easy, raw power isn't the only relevant factor. Choose the right vibrator for you. Pay attention to what you're craving, and you might find that you're in the mood to cum faster with less brutish but more focused stimulation.
Hang-Up: "What if It Affects My Ability to Orgasm With a Partner? No Man Could Compete With That."
If experiencing orgasm with a partner is essential to you, and you love your vibrator or want to try one, you have some options:
- Show them what you like by looking into each other's eyes while masturbating
- Use a vibrator before having sex to bring yourself to the edge and finish with your partner
- Use a vibrator during sex and enjoy the best of both worlds!
But I know that when people ask about vibrators' effects on pleasure with a partner, what they really mean is, "Can you still orgasm by other means, such as a partner's mouth, fingers, or penis?"
My short answer is that, yes, I can orgasm via deep penetration (thanks to long dildos and vibrators and well-hung partners) and fingering, and I'm not into oral. But that's only my experience and has little to do with your preferences.
My more nuanced answer is that, with repetition, you can train your brain to strengthen several pathways to pleasure — keep playing with a wide range of stimuli and making those connections. Cum via fingers, cum via tongue, cum via vibrations.
Vibrations feel very different from bending fingers and sliding penises! Mix it up and enjoy all of the above for what they are.
Closing Thoughts on Vibrators and Pleasure
My partner finds it hot to watch me fuck myself and play together, sometimes using vibrators on him. And the repeated, intense orgasms I've experienced yielded repeated, intense contractions — like a built-in workout incentive, making me able to squeeze tightly for long periods of time.
That feels fantastic to both my partner and me; once I let go of my mental hang-ups, sex toys have only ever added to my pleasure and my partner's.
RELATED POSTS:
- 11 Ways Glass Dildos Changed My Sex Life
- Dildos vs. "The Real Thing": Which One I'd Rather Have
- To Rock My World, Stop Asking, "Did You Cum?"
This post was sponsored! The writing and opinions expressed here are my own.
PLEASURE PRINCESS. COMPACT, HIGH-CAPACITY HUMAN. CERVIX SORCERESS.
I've tested over 350 sex toys and love diving deep for cervical orgasms, A‑spot stimulation, and kinky odysseys into the subconscious.
Mesmerizing mindfucking or physical fisting? Blowing men or minds? Opening books or legs? Why not all of the above?
Read more about me, my philosophy, and my love for cervical orgasms and deep penetration.
Can't get enough? Subscribe to new posts via email.
Discover more from Super Smash Cache
Subscribe to get the latest posts sent to your email.