Mini-reviews: Velvet Thruster Teddy, Maia Max/Monroe, and Vixskin Colossus

The OG Velvet Thruster, just over 2 pounds, is the light­weight and refined descen­dant of a rec­i­p­ro­cat­ing fucksaw.

[Image: a mint green mini Velvet Thruster Teddy with a caramel VixSkin Colossus cock extension sleeve on top of it. Next to the Teddy is a black Maia Max and a purple Velvet Thruster Jackie. The Teddy is available in black, lilac, wine red, AND mint green. Fuck yeah!]

This sex­u­al pow­er tool’s self-thrusting mech­a­nism boasts up to 140 thrusts per minute and a robust 3‑inch range of motion. It’s wor­thy of the title, “fuck­ing machine,” but still stream­lined enough to fit in my day bag.

In 2018, I compared the original Velvet Thruster handheld fucking machine to crack:

I get all of the heart-eyes-emoji feel­ings, but the effect takes place faster. Plus, I don’t have to work for it beyond wash­ing the dil­do, lub­ing it up, and aim­ing. The orgasms repeat for as many times as I want, with hard­ly any effort.

… Orgasms until I’m straight up tired, inde­pen­dent­ly of whether my arms are sore. That’s a major plus when you’re multi-orgasmic and think, “Well, I COULD go for anoth­er. And anoth­er. And another…”

But the original Velvet Thruster wasn’t perfect

[Image: top view of the Velvet Thruster Jackie. The dildo part of the Jackie model features veins along the shaft and a representational head.]

For one, the OG Velvet Thruster is loud and sounds very much like a pow­er drill. It’s also clunky to hold— for my vagi­na to get max­i­mum force, I’d need to prop the Thruster box’s base against some­thing like the bed or a cush­ion. If I do that, I block my access to the con­trol pan­el on the bot­tom. And the bla­tant­ly open air vents ren­der it not water­proof, which is ridicu­lous, giv­en the $200 price tag.

These pit­falls weren’t deal­break­ers for me, a con­nois­seur of deep pen­e­tra­tion and cer­vi­cal orgasms. But as both a review­er and a fel­low con­sumer, I was excit­ed to explore more afford­able options in the fuck­ing machine micro-niche.

Coming up in this fucking review sampler

You can find Velvet Thruster self-thrusting dil­dos at both Spectrum Boutique (10% off dis­count code: SUPERSMASH10) and The Thruster (code: SUPER10)

Introducing the Velvet Thruster Teddy (a.k.a. the mini Velvet Thruster)

[Image: VixSkin Colossus cock extender next to Velvet Thruster Teddy next to Velvet Thruster Jackie]

Thankfully, The Thruster took review­er feed­back to heart when they designed their more com­pact (and fur­ther refined) Teddy mod­el. It’s light­weight, has a suc­tion cup base, its charg­ing port is sealed off to mois­ture, and the but­tons are on the sides of the unit. AND, as a bonus, I can use the Velvet Thruster Teddy WHILE it’s charging.

Much of what I loved about the orig­i­nal Velvet Thruster remains intact in its suc­ces­sor. Effortlessly get­ting fucked until I feel like faint­ing. For $150 (or $135 with my coupon code), fuck yeah!

Downsides and trade-offs with the Velvet Thruster Teddy

Unlike the OG Velvet Thruster Jackie, the Velvet Thruster Teddy is not a pow­er tool. In a nut­shell, the Teddy sac­ri­fices inten­si­ty for ease of use and price, but I think it’s pow­er­ful enough to make the trade-off worthwhile.

The small­er mod­el is just under 9″ when col­lapsed and 11.5″ when expand­ed, far more man­age­able to hold than the orig­i­nal Velvet Thruster’s respec­tive 11″ and 14″. To accom­plish this, The Thruster had to down­size the Teddy’s dil­do por­tion (5″ instead of 6″), stroke length (2.5″ instead of 3″), bat­tery, and motor.

How does the mini Velvet Thruster’s power compare to the original?

[Image: mint green mini Velvet Thruster Teddy suction cupped to mirror]

Its max­i­mum speed is 125 strokes per minute instead of 140. That’s still admirable on paper. I can main­tain the claim that the mini Velvet Thruster Teddy mod­el deliv­ers a lit­tle over two strokes per sec­ond. In prac­tice, its less robust motor slows down under pres­sure— for exam­ple, when it’s all the way in against my ceil­ing, and I come and clench.

Depending on how much resis­tance there is, the high­est set­ting’s thrust speed can some­times drop down to 80 thrusts per minute. The lag has nev­er teased me or caused me any prob­lems since I usu­al­ly want slow­er thrust­ing right after I come any­way. However, if you desire more con­sis­tent speed con­trol, you might want to stick to the big­ger, orig­i­nal Velvet Thrusters.

(Unsure how fast 140 or 125 or 80 thrusts per minute is? Type the num­ber in this dig­i­tal metronome.)

UPDATE: New-and-improved Velvet Thruster Prime and mini Thruster Teddy mod­els have been released! Read more about them.

Maia Max and Monroe: a more affordable handheld fucking machine?

[Image: the Maia Max and Monroe come with an angle-adjustable (and removable) suction cup. The Velvet Thruster Teddy has a built-in suction cup base.]

I can bare­ly gath­er enough fucks to tell you about the Maia Max’s (and Monroe’s) fea­tures. The main thing to know is that I fuck­ing hate this thing and I’d be pissed if I spent $100 on it. A fuck­ing machine’s rea­son for being is fuck­ing. If it’s not fuck­ing, it’s not working.

The Maia Max is a hand­held fuck­ing machine with 2″ of thrust length, three speeds, and a max speed of around 100 strokes a minute. It also vibrates and comes with extras like an angle-adjustable screw-on suc­tion cup and remote con­trol. All this for $100 sound­ed too good to be true, con­sid­er­ing that the OG Velvet Thruster is $180–200.

Indeed, the bells and whis­tles are irrel­e­vant, because there’s (of course) a rea­son the Maia Max is cheap­er than the Velvet Thrusters. I nev­er thought I’d say this, but this fuck­ing machine is no match for the resis­tance from my walls and ceil­ing. When I try to push the Maia Max all the way in and bot­tom myself out, it emits a piti­ful barely-there but high-pitched squeal before cow­er­ing and prac­ti­cal­ly shut­ting off.

UPDATE: I spoke to one of Maia Toys’ reps about this prob­lem, and he said that it only hap­pens when the pro­duc­t’s bat­tery isn’t full. However, a fel­low review­er told me that her Maia Max stalled as well, even when charged. And I suck at charg­ing my pow­ered sex toys anyway.

If you pre­fer shal­low pen­e­tra­tion and don’t plan on going espe­cial­ly hard, the Maia Max might be worth it for you. But I can only repeat the words of Rod Williams in Get Out: “Fuck you! Bye.”

Mini-reviews: Velvet Thruster Teddy, Maia Max/Monroe, and Vixskin Colossus 1

My verdict: get a Velvet Thruster Teddy already

Let’s imag­ine that my house caught on fire. I would retrieve my nearly-indestructible njoy Eleven, but also have to start my col­lec­tion of pow­ered toys from scratch. In such a sce­nario, I would 100% buy the Velvet Thruster Teddy and a VixSkin Colossus to put on it.

Sure, the Velvet Thruster Teddy’s pow­er can’t com­pare to the Velvet Thruster Jackie. However, I’d hap­pi­ly sac­ri­fice pow­er for ease of use and con­ve­nience. The Teddy’s but­ton place­ment makes more sense, its suc­tion cup allows for ver­sa­til­i­ty in posi­tion­ing, and its closed design means no wor­ries about water get­ting into the circuitry.

A rad add-on: VixSkin Colossus cock extender

[Image: Maia Max handheld fucking machine with VixSkin Colossus sleeve on top]

The Velvet Thruster Teddy’s low­er price also makes it far more prac­ti­cal to pair with a VixSkin Colossus cock exten­der. I see y’all rais­ing your eye­brows, so let me explain: the Colossus is a squishy sil­i­cone sleeve that slips over a penis (or in this case, dil­do) for added length and girth.

It would con­vert any of the afore­men­tioned fuck­ing machines into a longer (6.75″), fat AF (2.25″), self-thrusting, dual-density dil­do. Squishy on the out­side and firm on the inside, like a cock or like my Vixen Creations VixSkin Outlaw but fat­ter. Let that sink in: fuck­ing up my walls and ceil­ing with auto­mat­ed hands-free fuck­ing and a flesh­like feel.

[Image: some of my favorites, including the Zumio, Uberrime Night King, njoy Eleven, Velvet Thruster with VixSkin Colossus, and Magic Wand Plus]

When I start­ed my blog, I nev­er imag­ined own­ing a self-thrusting VixSkin dil­do, but here we are. I’ve merged a Velvet Thruster and VixSkin Colossus as part of my job. I am liv­ing the dream.

Hand-thrusting the Outlaw and then hold­ing it sta­tion­ary while I come is an ample oxy­tocin det­o­na­tion on its own. But to con­tin­ue the thrust­ing with­out any effort on my part? That is the next sphere of heav­en for me, a proud pil­low princess of prodi­gious proportions.

13 Responses

  1. Madelyn says:

    May girl­friend real­ly wants one of these!! I may have to get one after read­ing this.

  2. G says:

    I like see­ing your Maia review, it’s inter­est­ing and infor­ma­tive hav­ing both pros and cons.

  3. Jay says:

    I’m real­ly glad that I kept putting off get­ting the Jackie because the Teddy seems much more prac­ti­cal to me. The only prob­lem now is that you’ve con­vinced me I need a vix­en exten­der too. This is just so typ­i­cal of me; take one toy off the list and add two more at a greater expense, lol. Great reviews and sug­ges­tions as always.

  4. Oreon says:

    I real­ly want the Teddy. I’d like a Vixen exten­der to go with it but, the girth of the ones avail­able are too much for me atm. Maybe lat­er. But I’d still love to have a Teddy Thruster!

  5. Jeff says:

    When my wife first saw a video of a full blown fuck­ing machine, she lust­ed after it. All I need­ed to do was men­tion the idea of using one and she’d go weak in the knees. Those things are expen­sive and imprac­ti­cal though, so we stuck to video and fan­ta­sy talk. We have a Stronic G which thrusts a lit­tle, but a Teddy is def­i­nite­ly in our future.

  6. G says:

    Really like the info about the Teddy and the VixSkin.

  7. Corvid says:

    I’ve heard noth­ing but good things about this thruster, and I’m hon­est­ly more inclined to try it every­day lol.

  8. Ali says:

    Thanks for writ­ing the review. I have long been curi­ous about fuck machines, espe­cial­ly the lit­tle ones. Ideally, I would like some­thing qui­et and not too girthy.

  9. G says:

    one of my top favorite reviews of yours.

  10. Rob says:

    I want­ed to pur­chase the Colossus to use on my wife but because I have a very small and flac­cid micro penis I knew it would­n’t work.I called the reps at Vixen Creations and they said lots of guys that are small pack mate­r­i­al inside this exten­der and are able to use it. I bought one and tried doing this with sil­i­cone mate­r­i­al and it worked great!It stayed on per­fect­ly. My wife loves the pro­nounced Coronna And the fat cock­head on this. I love how I can plea­sure my wife so well with this. I use dil­dos on her and. we have occa­sion­al vis­its from a mutu­al male friend to” give it to her”. Knowing now that I too can sat­is­fy her has boost­ed my con­fi­dence that as her hus­band I can sat­is­fy her too?

  11. D. Dyer says:

    This has def­i­nite­ly inspired me to add an exten­der to my col­lec­tion, The fuck­ing machine I am lucky enough to own already.

  1. January 11, 2020

    […] But if you’re crav­ing more length and girth, noth­ing stops you from strap­ping a Vixskin exten­der (  Colossus or Holster ) over your thruster like Cy AKA Dr. Spankenstein over at Super Smash Cache. […]

  2. February 25, 2020

    […] But if you’re crav­ing more length and girth, noth­ing stops you from strap­ping a Vixskin exten­der (  Colossus or Holster ) over your thruster like Cy AKA Dr. Spankenstein over at Super Smash Cache. […]

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