Get ready to be husked and thrust into ecstasy. This corn will butter you up and make you cream faster than you can say "shuck."

Today’s corn stars are the SquarePegToys Cob a Squat — which I will endear­ing­ly call the Big Black Cob — and SelfDelve’s corn dil­do, which I reviewed in the past.

(If you’re tick­led to dis­cov­er a corn dil­do, con­sid­er that dil­dos shaped like revolvers and moon­shine bot­tles also exist.)

Sweet corn is always in sea­son here; let’s com­pare some vari­eties and their origins.

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Meet the Maizes’ Makers

SquarePegToys

SquarePegToys’ strain orig­i­nat­ed in the United States in 2012. The mak­er host­ed a “make your own dil­do” work­shop as part of a char­i­ty fundrais­er, and a par­tic­i­pant brought — you guessed it — an ear of corn to copy. It “end­ed up being one of the best cast­ings I had ever done at an MYOD.”

What makes SquarePegToys unique?

• Started mak­ing large sil­i­cone toys as far back as 1997 — when cheap (and tox­ic) PVC used to dom­i­nate the market
• Early inno­va­tors of SuperSoft sil­i­cone — some­thing that makes fat dil­dos oh so enjoy­able — yet we take it for grant­ed almost 30 years later.
• The name is all but syn­ony­mous with anal fetish toys because they’ve been doing it for so long.

Befitting of the brand, SquarePegToys’ Cob a Squat is thick­er (2.1” diam­e­ter) and soft­er than SelfDelve’s Corn on the Cob (1.9” across). The for­mer also has a flared base serv­ing as a stop­per if used anal­ly. (If you’re using it vagi­nal­ly, it’s nice to have a han­dle to grab onto!)

SelfDelve

In con­trast, SelfDelve’s German corn cul­ti­vars (and oth­er veg­gies) are more col­or­ful, glossy, and whim­si­cal. Their options include:

• Two sizes for vagi­nal use
• Exotic palettes and pat­terns (think 1980s neon leopard)
• Hollow, fuck­able shuck­able sleeves for penises

I have the larg­er Corn on the Cob dil­do. It might sound gener­ic, but like most of SelfDelve’s toys, it has embed­ded ther­mochromic pig­ments and will shift from a gold­en hue to a brighter yel­low when exposed to heat. (Yes, that includes when it’s inside me.)

Oh, and SelfDelve real­ly loves tex­tures: “Nubs are great! They are unbeat­able as a mas­sage and hap­pi­ness maker.“

Silicone Corn Dildo Specs

Comparing the Corn in Use

Once I get past the ini­tial nov­el­ty fac­tor, I can sum up my review with one repeat­ed let­ter: “AAAAAAAAAAAA.”

— REVIEW: SELFDELVE CORN, HOLE PUNCH EVOLVER, MOONSHINER SILICONE DILDOS

My cunt clutched the corn ker­nels, feel­ing them con­form to my cave. Both spec­i­mens make me melt in dif­fer­ent ways. Which corn dil­do is bet­ter for your body depends on:

• Which hole you’re using it in — if you’re savor­ing the sur­face with the sen­si­tive Meissner’s cor­pus­cles of the anus, the Cob a Squat’s flared, butt-​safe base is a no-​brainer. Just make sure you can han­dle the big black cob's girth.
• How much cli­toral stim­u­la­tion you care for — so you decid­ed to use it vagi­nal­ly. SquarePegToys’ SuperSoft sil­i­cone allows you to bend the Cob a Squat’s shaft to slip and slide against the cli­toris while thrust­ing. Savor it inside and outside.
• How sen­si­tive you are on the front wall — the flip­side is that the soft­er sil­i­cone sub­dues the knobbed tex­tures a lit­tle, espe­cial­ly when clench­ing and squish­ing around it. That may or may not be a good thing for you!
• How much pre­ci­sion pres­sure you want — both will slip behind my cervix, but the Corn on the Cob mas­sages my cervix with resis­tance and gasp-​inducing thrusts.
• Whether you care to have a “han­dle” to grab onto — I wish I could grip more of the SelfDelve corn dil­do and ram even harder!

In short, SquarePegToys’ Cob a Squat is bet­ter for anal use, cli­toral grind­ing while thrust­ing, and a gen­er­al soft stretch. It’s only a lit­tle big­ger and a lot more pli­able, mean­ing it can bend and flex in ways that SelfDelve’s Corn on the Cob can’t.

My pre­ferred way to thrust the Corn on the Cob is by tuck­ing my thumb and using its knuck­le to bump against my cli­toris with every thrust.

Overall, SelfDelve’s ver­sion is bet­ter for cervix stim­u­la­tion and front wall massage:

Hard enough to grat­i­fy but soft enough for com­fort and to con­form to my G‑spot. Clenching around it is “oof.” Insta-​cum … SelfDelve’s sil­i­cone is always a deli­cious bal­ance of intense and flex­i­ble … Intoxicatingly adap­tive springiness.

— REVIEW: SELFDELVE CORN, HOLE PUNCH EVOLVER, MOONSHINER SILICONE DILDOS

Where to Get a Corn Dildo

Get the SquarepegToys Cob a Squat in Bronze or Graphite swatch­es at Peepshow Toys. Use my code, SUPERSMASHCACHE for 10% off.

Get the SelfDelve Corn on the Cob in large or reg­u­lar size at SheVibe, or vis­it the maker’s web­site for more col­or swatches.

Further Reading

• SelfDelve Marshmallow Squishy Spiral Silicone Dildo Review
• Review: SelfDelve Corn, Hole Punch Evolver, Moonshiner sil­i­cone dildos
• SelfDelve Aubergine /​ Eggplant girthy sil­i­cone dil­do review
• Selfdelve Veggie Dildo Reviews: Eggplant, Curved Cucumber, Fly Agaric Mushroom, and Pepper