Get ready to be husked and thrust into ecstasy. This corn will butter you up and make you cream faster than you can say “shuck.”

Today’s corn stars are the SquarePegToys Cob a Squat — which I will endearingly call the Big Black Cob — and SelfDelve’s corn dildo, which I reviewed in the past.

(If you’re tickled to discover a corn dildo, consider that dildos shaped like revolvers and moonshine bottles also exist.)

Sweet corn is always in season here; let’s compare some varieties and their origins.

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Meet the Maizes’ Makers

SquarePegToys

SquarePegToys’ strain originated in the United States in 2012. The maker hosted a “make your own dildo” workshop as part of a charity fundraiser, and a participant brought — you guessed it — an ear of corn to copy. It “ended up being one of the best castings I had ever done at an MYOD.”

What makes SquarePegToys unique?

• Started making large silicone toys as far back as 1997 — when cheap (and toxic) PVC used to dominate the market
• Early innovators of SuperSoft silicone — something that makes fat dildos oh so enjoyable — yet we take it for granted almost 30 years later.
• The name is all but synonymous with anal fetish toys because they’ve been doing it for so long.

Befitting of the brand, SquarePegToys’ Cob a Squat is thicker (2.1” diameter) and softer than SelfDelve’s Corn on the Cob (1.9” across). The former also has a flared base serving as a stopper if used anally. (If you’re using it vaginally, it’s nice to have a handle to grab onto!)

SelfDelve

In contrast, SelfDelve’s German corn cultivars (and other veggies) are more colorful, glossy, and whimsical. Their options include:

• Two sizes for vaginal use
• Exotic palettes and patterns (think 1980s neon leopard)
• Hollow, fuckable shuckable sleeves for penises

I have the larger Corn on the Cob dildo. It might sound generic, but like most of SelfDelve’s toys, it has embedded thermochromic pigments and will shift from a golden hue to a brighter yellow when exposed to heat. (Yes, that includes when it’s inside me.)

Oh, and SelfDelve really loves textures: “Nubs are great! They are unbeatable as a massage and happiness maker.“

Silicone Corn Dildo Specs

Comparing the Corn in Use

Once I get past the initial novelty factor, I can sum up my review with one repeated letter: “AAAAAAAAAAAA.”

— REVIEW: SELFDELVE CORN, HOLE PUNCH EVOLVER, MOONSHINER SILICONE DILDOS

My cunt clutched the corn kernels, feeling them conform to my cave. Both specimens make me melt in different ways. Which corn dildo is better for your body depends on:

• Which hole you’re using it in — if you’re savoring the surface with the sensitive Meissner’s corpuscles of the anus, the Cob a Squat’s flared, butt-safe base is a no-brainer. Just make sure you can handle the big black cob’s girth.
• How much clitoral stimulation you care for — so you decided to use it vaginally. SquarePegToys’ SuperSoft silicone allows you to bend the Cob a Squat’s shaft to slip and slide against the clitoris while thrusting. Savor it inside and outside.
• How sensitive you are on the front wall — the flipside is that the softer silicone subdues the knobbed textures a little, especially when clenching and squishing around it. That may or may not be a good thing for you!
• How much precision pressure you want — both will slip behind my cervix, but the Corn on the Cob massages my cervix with resistance and gasp-inducing thrusts.
• Whether you care to have a “handle” to grab onto — I wish I could grip more of the SelfDelve corn dildo and ram even harder!

In short, SquarePegToys’ Cob a Squat is better for anal use, clitoral grinding while thrusting, and a general soft stretch. It’s only a little bigger and a lot more pliable, meaning it can bend and flex in ways that SelfDelve’s Corn on the Cob can’t.

My preferred way to thrust the Corn on the Cob is by tucking my thumb and using its knuckle to bump against my clitoris with every thrust.

Overall, SelfDelve’s version is better for cervix stimulation and front wall massage:

Hard enough to gratify but soft enough for comfort and to conform to my G‑spot. Clenching around it is “oof.” Insta-cum … SelfDelve’s silicone is always a delicious balance of intense and flexible … Intoxicatingly adaptive springiness.

— REVIEW: SELFDELVE CORN, HOLE PUNCH EVOLVER, MOONSHINER SILICONE DILDOS

Where to Get a Corn Dildo

Get the SquarepegToys Cob a Squat in Bronze or Graphite swatches at Peepshow Toys. Use my code, SUPERSMASHCACHE for 10% off.

Get the SelfDelve Corn on the Cob in large or regular size at SheVibe, or visit the maker’s website for more color swatches.

Further Reading

• SelfDelve Marshmallow Squishy Spiral Silicone Dildo Review
• Review: SelfDelve Corn, Hole Punch Evolver, Moonshiner silicone dildos
• SelfDelve Aubergine / Eggplant girthy silicone dildo review
• Selfdelve Veggie Dildo Reviews: Eggplant, Curved Cucumber, Fly Agaric Mushroom, and Pepper