This cunt con­sumes colos­sal can-​sized cocks and cracks fin­gers. The lat­ter abil­i­ty is a haz­ard at times — my walls crush thrust­ing toys like a vise, over­pow­er their func­tion­al­i­ty, and occa­sion­al­ly eject erections.

I would say to play the world’s tini­est vio­lin for me — it's great for my pelvic floor but not for my wal­let. If you, too, have a goril­la grip coochie or boa-​binding booty­hole, I don’t want you wast­ing your mon­ey on the worst of these self-​thrusting toys.

After all, a sex toy that promis­es mind-​blowing orgasms bet­ter hold up to the phys­i­o­log­i­cal con­se­quences: clench­ing contractions.

For prac­ti­cal pur­pos­es, I’ll include mag­net­ic pul­sators and oth­er forms of back-​and-​forth oscil­la­tion, too. And I won’t leave you hang­ing — a hap­py end­ing is with­in reach. This list of self-​propelling, self-​thrusting sex toys also includes prod­ucts that worked for me.

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Self-Thrusting Dildos I Actually Liked

Which thrust­ing dil­dos hold up to this goril­la grip coochie? Here are my per­son­al favorites, all of which I have reviewed in the past. As such, I’ll link to the old posts while keep­ing the syn­opses some­what brief.

As always, these rank­ings are based on my sub­jec­tive tastes. Some fea­tures might mat­ter more to you than me or vice ver­sa — mean­ing that what I call B‑tier might also unlock next-​level orgasms for you.

Use the table of con­tents below to skip sections.

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S‑Tier: The Best Self-​Thrusting Vibrators

These com­pact thrust­ing toys are my all-​around top recommendations.

Velvet Thrusters

Velvet Thrusters are their own tier among hand­held fuck­ing machines, often imi­tat­ed but nev­er dupli­cat­ed. Cue woozy, flushed face with min­i­mal effort.

Are you the type to text, “Remix my guts, bby,” first thing in the morn­ing dur­ing ovu­la­tion week? Do you love hav­ing your insides rearranged? I do. And if you do, too, you'll adore the Velvet Thruster Prime Edward. Lube, mount, insert, turn on, and let your eyes glaze over for an orgasm or two or twenty-​nine. It gets the job done so quick­ly for this pil­low princess.

It’s seri­ous­ly the best you can get in its size class — short of a full-​on sex machine that plugs into the wall and comes with its own plat­form. Velvet Thrusters deliv­er seri­ous pow­er while fit­ting into a normal-​sized purse or backpack.

They're also among the few where the thrust­ing mech­a­nism alone can go deep enough to give me cer­vi­cal orgasms, hence why the Prime ver­sion is by far the most used on this list. 

Use code SUPER25 for 25% off sitewide at The Thruster.

Velvet Thruster Prime — the cream of the crop

Within its size class, what sets the Velvet Thruster Prime apart is that it still keeps on keep­ing on even when I cum and clench, and even when it’s ram­ming my high ceiling.

• Up to 140 thrusts per minute
• A 3” stroke length that feels like intercourse
• Lots of bat­tery juice with­out much bulk
• Loud, but I'm will­ing to deal with that for every­thing else I get
• Detachable posi­tion­ing aids like a suc­tion cup for mount­ing while still stay­ing compact. 
  • I most­ly ride it cowgirl-​style for max­i­mum lever­age, low­er­ing my weight onto it.
• 2.5" stroke length if you get the met­al screw upgrade for addi­tion­al sta­bil­i­ty with the girthi­er thrust­ing dil­do attachments
• Several dil­do attach­ment options, from long and lean to thi­i­i­i­ick­kkkk and rugged 
  • Edward is 8” long by 1.6” wide with a gen­tle curve for easy angling dur­ing deep dicking
  • Lewis is 8" long by 1.7" with an uncut tip, and gen­tly swelling curve for G‑spotting and going deep
  • Sammie is 8” long by 1.9” wide with veins galore for walls to grip onto

Read my full Velvet Thruster Prime Edward review and Prime dil­do attach­ments com­par­i­son to acquaint your­self with this mar­velous contraption.

Velvet Thruster Mini Teddy XL

The Velvet Thruster mini Teddy TX, XL, and GS are the “lite” ver­sions, with:

• A short­er stroke length 
  • 2.5” on the Teddy TX, XL, and GS
  • 1.5" on the Teddy Universal
• Slightly slow­er top speed (128 strokes per minute vs. 140) 
  • It will slow down more notice­ably with force applied — but it will keep going.
• No cus­tomiz­abil­i­ty (the suc­tion cup and one dil­do shape are per­ma­nent­ly fixed on the Velvet Thruster Teddy unit)
• A small­er bat­tery (800mAh, 20 min­utes of charge, 4 hours of play)
• A small­er price tag! If one mini-​thruster is all you need, have at it!

Any of them will do, but if I had to pick one for deep pen­e­tra­tion, it would be the Teddy XL. For those who want some­thing more G‑spotty, get the GS, duh.

And if you want a big­ger dual-​density thruster with a skin-​like squish, you can get it as a bun­dle with the VixSkin Colossus or Holster exten­sion sleeve. Or shop oth­er exten­ders that might fit.

Stick to a Velvet Thruster or Body Dock Sex Machine if you need the full fuck­ing machine expe­ri­ence — but if you’re a fan of finess­ing fin­gers that just won’t quit, keep read­ing. The fol­low­ing thrust­ing dil­dos might be more your jam.

Fun Factory Stronic Pulsators

Fun Factory’s Stronics thrust them­selves back and forth with a mag­net­ic weight. The result? They’re not real­is­tic like the Velvet Thrusters, nor are they strong enough to go deep. But they make up for the small­er force with more focus dur­ing shal­low penetration.

One down­side is that I orgasm stu­pid­ly quick­ly and fre­quent­ly with it, so I have to be care­ful to have a pil­low or some­thing stop­ping my walls from eject­ing the toy entire­ly. That’s a pret­ty good prob­lem to have.

My favorites in the line:

• Lock into place along my front wall
• Precisely stroke the same hot spots repeatedly.
• Jostle my inter­nal cli­toris again and again.

Since the max­i­mum stroke length is only a half-​inch, it’s not quite a fuck­ing machine, but still more rav­aging than a vibra­tor on the low­er set­tings. And, as a bonus, it’s tru­ly whisper-quiet.

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A‑Tier: Fantastic Fuckables, With Some Caveats

These toys aren't per­fect, but still fuck with force.

Femmefunn Cadenza & BMS Naked Addiction Thrusting Dong

I grouped the Cadenza and Naked Addiction thrust­ing dil­dos due to their move­ment qual­i­ty — their small, speedy strokes are chop­pi­er and punchi­er than the vibes I men­tioned above. I’d sum them up as “crack-​like” com­pared to the Velvet Thrusters’ or Fun Factory Stronics’ smooth moves.

FemmeFunn’s Cadenza will pound, pum­mel, jerk, and jolt the G‑spot at a high frequency.

To be frank, it’s a lot, and if you’re the type to feel ten­der at all after orgasm, this “wham-​bam” vibe ain’t for you. Doubly so if you don’t want that move­ment going in straight, as with the BMS Naked Addiction.

These toys bul­ly an orgasm out of me and feel very one-​and-​done. Fortunately, you can turn off the Naked Addiction thruster’s motor and use it as a pli­ant dual-​density dildo.

Read my full Femmefunn Cadenza and BMS Naked Addiction thruster review.

California Dreaming Santa Cruz Coaster

This self-​thrusting rab­bit fuck­ing makes sense — the shaft fucks you while the exter­nal arm stays and vibrates in place. Cal Exotics’ Santa Cruz Coaster fits like my rab­bit vibra­tor soul­mate, tight­ly clamp­ing my clit and G‑spot prac­ti­cal­ly hands-free.

It fucks fast enough for me, at any speed set­ting. My walls can stall the Santa Cruz Coaster, but its bul­bous build melds so well with my pubic bone that angling is effort­less all the same. I don’t have to apply extra force or wor­ry about grind­ing it against my front wall; it flaw­less­ly does all the work for me, both inside and out.

For best results, make sure you:

• Keep it charged before use so it doesn’t run out of juice
• Use lots of lube to keep the sur­faces smooth and slick
• Manage your expec­ta­tions — it is very mechan­i­cal on the inside and pin­point­ed on the out­side, and not every­one is into that

As always, every body is dif­fer­ent, and dual stim­u­la­tors are super anatomy-​specific, so read my full review before get­ting this rab­bit vibrator.

Use code SUPER for 10% off if you get one from Betty's Toy Box.

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B‑tier: The Best of the Rest

The fol­low­ing toys’ move­ments might not entire­ly fall into the thrust­ing cat­e­go­ry. Still, they’re worth con­sid­er­ing if you’re look­ing for:

• Pulsations that fall some­where between thrust­ing and vibrating
• More options for dif­fer­ent shapes
• Ways to switch sen­sa­tions from inter­nal to exter­nal to dual

Evolved Novelties [Our] Gyro Vibe

The Evolved Gyro Vibe series offers a thud­dy, thrum­ming option between thrust­ing and vibrat­ing. Its motor hub hous­es a spin­ning weight, which dif­fus­es move­ment to the flex­i­ble phallus(es) for G‑spotty (and poten­tial­ly A‑spotty) massage.

Note my word choice: dif­fuse — the move­ment is notice­able (and looks wild on cam­era!) but more like pas­sive pulses.

Even more notably, I can posi­tion the Evolved Gyro Vibe so that the exter­nal por­tion bumps up against my clit over and over again with smooooooth but per­cus­sive brava­do. It first and fore­most flaunts a cli­toral claim to fame, with some pen­e­tra­tion on the side.

Dorcel Double Do & Lovehoney Happy Rabbit Curve

I grouped these two vibes because their motors could eas­i­ly be called “Stronic Lite.” They con­tain a sim­i­lar but lighter lin­ear mag­net­ic weight mech­a­nism to pro­pel back and forth for stu­pid­ly quick orgasms from shal­low sen­sa­tions. Think of them as "Pulsator Minus" or "Dildo Plus" rather than full-​on thrust­ing dildos.

What makes these two picks unique is their shape:

• Dorcel’s Double Do delights my cervix with its suu­u­u­per long and pos­able shaft
• Lovehoney’s Happy Rabbit Curve fits my clit-​vag gap well for simul­ta­ne­ous hands-​free G‑spot and cli­toral stimulation

Fun Factory Sundaze Pulse Vibrator

Stronic pul­sators’ stroke lengths get short­er as you turn up the tem­po; the more you trade the range of motion for speed, the more it resem­bles vibration.

Fun Factory’s Sundaze owns this quirk, offer­ing numer­ous options for light lin­ear tap­ping and vibra­tion, all with a ver­sa­tile head shape. An edge for pin­point­ed puls­es? Check. A flat head for broad­er bump­ing? Check.

Its tip isn’t my favorite for inter­nal stim­u­la­tion, but:

• You can use Sundaze as main­ly a cli­toral mas­sager, with pen­e­tra­tion as a side dish
• It's super dis­creet and tru­ly whisper-​quiet with an unpar­al­leled power-​to-​sound ratio

Read my full Fun Factory Sundaze review.

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Summary: Toys That Hold Up Against My Gorilla Grip Coochie

• Pipedream's Fetish Fantasy Body Dock sex machine has a full-​on plat­form for mount­ing and angling. It's bulky, but it's hard to beat the ver­sa­til­i­ty with a dock­ing plate for suc­tion cup base dildos.
• Velvet Thruster Primes are theeeeee best com­pact fuck­ing machines for my cunt, with ample stroke length and bat­tery juice to keep going and going
• Fun Factory’s Stronics are also pow­er­ful, with small­er and sub­tler but more focused pulsations
• Velvet Thruster’s Teddy Universal will get the job done, but it’s not on the same lev­el as the Primes or the oth­er Teddy units
• The Femmefunn Cadenza is aggres­sive­ly G‑spotty and a lit­tle much sometimes
• The Cal Exotics Santa Cruz Coaster clamps my clit while self-​thrusting like a dream
• Evolved Novelties’ Our Gyro Vibe could be con­sid­ered a pul­sator but works best as a cli­toral mas­sager with some pen­e­tra­tion on the side rather than the oth­er way
• Dorcel’s Double Do & Lovehoney Happy Rabbit Curve are the “Stronic lite” of dou­ble dil­dos and rab­bit vibra­tors, respectively

Though Velvet Primes have snatched my soul for more than a half-​decade, each of the above toys makes me fan­tas­ti­cal­ly fer­al in a dif­fer­ent way.

Robust thrusts aren’t a giv­en in Toyland, but there’s still plen­ty to choose from, depend­ing on your pri­or­i­ties. Do you want a fuck­ing machine that feels like fuck­ing, or are you all in for rid­ing a robot? My goril­la grip coochie says yes to all of the above.

See my deals and dis­counts page for codes to use at dif­fer­ent shops:

• SUPER25 gets you 25% off at Velvet Thruster
• SUPERSMASHCACHE gets you 10% off at Peepshow Toys
• SUPER gets you 10% off at Betty's Toy Box
• SUPERSMASH10 gets you 10% off your first order (or when you check out as a guest) at Spectrum Boutique

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Thrusting Toys That Stopped or Stalled When I Clenched

Indeed, test­ing fuck­ing machines is fun, but I’ve tried many where I let out the unpleas­ant kind of groan.

This next part tells tales of toys less fun for me — but it might be more fun for you to read about the fuck­ers my walls stalled.

Grab some pop­corn and but­ter, and sea­son with the impend­ing salt content.

Let’s rank the pathet­ic thrust­ing toys I dis­liked from most egre­gious to least.

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The Haughty, their Hubris, and their Hamartia

Lora DiCarlo Ose 2

The Lora DiCarlo Ose 2 is con­sti­tu­tion­al­ly unde­serv­ing of my cunt. This vibra­tor retailed for $300 and crowd­fund­ed over $9 mil­lion with its dec­la­ra­tions of next-​level orgasms, but it couldn’t even han­dle the first clench when I came.

It stopped mov­ing at the crit­i­cal moment.

This toy is like that guy on Tinder who missed the memo that pleas­ing some­one takes more than looks, audac­i­ty, and mystery.

It’s a mere step beyond that dat­ing pro­file with no pic­tures — just a blank square. Lora DiCarlo’s ANME trade show booth in 2019 didn’t even have a prod­uct photo.

And let’s not for­get that Lora ghost­ed retail­ers and con­sumers. Poof, gone, van­ished, with orders left unful­filled for months. The Theranos-​ass trash took itself out. Call its down­fall pro­tec­tion and redirection.

Oh, and if you’re going to close the orgasm gap, don’t just say it — show it.

iobatoys OhMyG

“All plea­sure, no noise!” declared the land­ing page of ioba­toys’ — mak­er of the so-​called “ultra silent” G‑spot mas­sager that chit­tered like an angry squir­rel when I squeezed around it.

Imagine these sounds at the crit­i­cal cli­mac­tic moment:

• A dol­phin cen­sor­ing words on Spongebob Squarepants
• A click­ing Anti-​Lock Braking System when dri­ving in snow

As far as sex toys go? That’s the sound of cheap plas­tic com­po­nents abrad­ing under ten­sion. For a triple-​digit price tag, you deserve bet­ter than bro­ken promis­es and bro­ken parts.

LELO Soraya Wave

I’m not sure why LELO asked if I’d review their Enigma Wave after I:

• Reluctantly accept­ed a date Gave their Soraya Wave a chance, and went from a soft no to a “Hard no, and I must warn oth­er women before it’s too late.”
• Explained why my heart sinks every time I see influ­encers pro­mot­ing spe­cif­ic dual-​stimulation/​rabbit vibra­tors — cue flash­backs of dis­ap­point­ment after disappointment

The LELO Soraya Wave has two steady “come hith­er” speeds: slow and slow­er, and its loose fit doesn’t do shit for my clit.

I want to believe the best in peo­ple, but if Lora DiCarlo is a ghost, LELO is that per­sis­tent ex-​prospect who used to be so sweet but became com­pla­cent, and now you (most­ly) wish he would just go away.

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7 More Thrusting Dildos My Cunt Constricted

I’ll rapid-​fire the fol­low­ing because while they weren’t a good fit for me, they weren’t pompous in their pre­sen­ta­tion. It’s the dif­fer­ence between me send­ing a friend mul­ti­ple con­sec­u­tive voice notes rant­i­ng about some­one ver­sus qui­et­ly delet­ing a con­tact and mes­sage thread.

• Lovense Gravity — Stopped mov­ing on all but the high­est set­ting — which was accept­able but slow by my stan­dards when my goril­la grip coochie squeezed around it. It’s fine for casu­al users, but pen­e­tra­tion afi­ciona­dos are bet­ter served look­ing elsewhere.
• Maia Max/​Monroe — Stopped mov­ing entire­ly. It made that dread­ed high-​pitched whirr.
• Blush Novelties Temptasia Trixie — Also stopped mov­ing. Clearly a response to the Velvet Thruster Prime Nanci head that I designed — and I ain’t mad. I just wish I could rec­om­mend more afford­able Thrusting dil­dos — that can stand up to my goril­la grip coochie — in good faith.
• Cal Exotics Lust Rider — Slowed down to just the occa­sion­al, inter­mit­tent thrust here and there.
• BestVibe Phoenix — The thrust­ing stopped entire­ly while the gyra­tion slowed down. Its “skele­ton” was just too jab­by for me.
• Cal Exotics Slay Thrust Me — so unmem­o­rable I didn't include it in the orig­i­nal ver­sion of this post
• BMS Naked Addiction Freak 7.5" Rotating & Thrusting Vibrating Dong — not to be con­fused with the 9” Thrusting Dong, the rotat­ing ver­sion con­jured two words in my mind: “That’s… it?”

My goril­la grip coochie and I ran out of fucks to give by that point.