Review: Uberrime Aptus 8.5” realistic dildo & Fun Factory Big Boss vibrator

Two top-​tier, above-​average classic must-​haves for dildo devotees with a penchant for profound penetration

I go flam­ing­ly fer­al around ovu­la­tion time and want to get DICKED. For days when I crave bash­ing my cervix, these real­is­tic sil­i­cone dil­dos are among the best at what they do.

The Uberrime Aptus offers ample length to delve deep — with­out much girth or bulk. In con­trast, the Fun Factory Big Boss vibrator’s appeal is in the name: thick all the way down and firm with fortitude.

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Uberrime Aptus 8.5” long A-spot dildo review

Who needs psy­choac­tives when I have dil­dos like the Uberrime Aptus? Cue endoge­nous release of DMT from cer­vi­cal orgasms.

I seri­ous­ly lost count of how many times I came on the Aptus in my first ses­sion. The orgasms just blur togeth­er as I go for anoth­er, and anoth­er, and anoth­er. As each peak dwin­dles, I give it two more thrusts, and I am again in cum kingdom.

If there’s one take­away from this Uberrime Aptus review, it’s that this hyper-​realistic dil­do is long and JUICY. The tip fits my pos­te­ri­or fornix like a puz­zle piece. And its longer-​than-​usual length (8” insertable) grants addi­tion­al ammu­ni­tion, going extra hard against the cervix, and auto­mat­i­cal­ly aim­ing slight­ly forward.

What makes it even more beau­ti­ful? 1.7” at the head and 1.6” along the shaft, there’s still springi­ness and flex­i­bil­i­ty, even at its Shore 8A medium-​firm den­si­ty. I love insert­ing all of it inside me and feel­ing how it bends against my back wall, cervix, and ceil­ing as it bot­toms me out.

In a sense, it was made for me; Uberrime designed it with my pref­er­ences in mind!

Uberrime Aptus realistic dildo shape

Remember my Uberrime Night King review and how hard I swooned for it? Yeah, con­sid­er the Uberrime Aptus the real­is­tic ana­log with its:

• JUUUUICY head and frenulum
• 3D-​printed veinage (noth­ing too dramatic)
• Fine macro skin texture
• Protruding cor­pus cavernosum

Not only is it fun to glide my thumb or lips in that sul­cus under the coro­na, but it also rep­re­sents a renais­sance in Uberrime’s rep­re­sen­ta­tion­al dil­do designs: SUPER DEFINED HEADS, as with their Divo dual-​density dil­do.

Uberrime’s Aptus has seri­ous “pop” to it, with the head stick­ing out 3/​8ths of an inch from the shaft almost all the way around. It’s slight­ly elon­gat­ed, swoop­ing on the dor­sal side and sub­tly hook­ing with its cur­va­ture. Marco Uberrime calls it “shovel-​shaped.” I call it per­fect for bash­ing behind my cervix.

Aptus vs. other Uberrime dildos

Consider how it com­pares to oth­er Uberrime dil­dos. Whereas Divo Large’s draw is rugged fore­skin tex­tures and girth (1.9” at the head and 1.8” below it), the Aptus is all about length and firm­ness. The Supero’s head was some­what sub­tle, and the Amante starred the squish. Not the Aptus, though. It comes in a medium-​firm 8A den­si­ty sil­i­cone, akin to erect, taut tissue.

Despite its 8.5” insertable length, it’s not as aggres­sive as the Night King or Aqua-​King. There’s no dou­ble or triple-​crown on the Aptus — just one beau­ti­ful­ly sculpt­ed head and a dis­tinct but not dra­mat­ic frenulum.

What’s more, the gran­u­lar­i­ty of the Uberrime Aptus’s skin makes it so life­like that:

1. I’ll like­ly artis­ti­cal­ly crop it on my Instagram to evade being flagged for nudity.
2. My friend imme­di­ate­ly thought, “I should not have opened your pic­ture mes­sage at Target.”

Aptus realistic dildo measurements

• Total length — 9"
• Insertable length — 8.5"
• Head diam­e­ter — 1.7"
• Shaft diam­e­ter — 1.6"
• Firmness — Shore 8A plat­inum silicone

Closing thoughts on the Uberrime Aptus

You don’t often find a long and lean legionary like the Aptus. Usually, dil­dos of this length go for girth, but not everyone’s into that all the time.

Despite the Aptus’s sim­plic­i­ty, I get wet just look­ing at its sil­hou­ette — its expanse prac­ti­cal­ly reach­es my bel­ly but­ton. When insert­ed, that tip goes right where it belongs.

What I love about the Uberrime Aptus dildo

• Long and lean — easy to aim and not “too” thick
• Slight for­ward tilt for A‑spotting and cervix massage
• Succulent, flared mush­room head
• The shim­mer pig­ment shows off the beau­ti­ful textures!
• Butt-​safe and harnessable
• Customizable col­ors are available!

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Fun Factory Big Boss girthy silicone vibrator review

I went woozy-​face emo­ji when I turned on the Fun Factory Big Boss’s motor. “Oh fuck yeah, heav­en is already here,” I thought.

But I knew that before touch­ing the Big Boss. Fun Factory’s G5 insertable vibra­tors are top-​tier cult clas­sics that, for the most part, don’t need reviews any­more. Sex geeks rec­og­nize them and revere their deep, rumbly revving.

Moreover, you don’t often find this luxe qual­i­ty for a thick insertable vibra­tor. With a 6.5” insertable length and 1.7” max­i­mum diam­e­ter, the Big Boss is girthy but still in the realm of not-​quite-​uncommon human cock size.

Its com­bi­na­tion of size, strong motors, and firm sil­i­cone make it:

1. Merely 2 steps short of a blud­geon, and …
2. Versatile for a range of hot spots and thrust­ing techniques

Fun Factory Big Boss measurements & specs

• Total length — 9.2"
• Insertable length — 6.5"
• Maximum diam­e­ter — 1.8"
• Charging time — 6 to 8 hours
• Battery life — 40 to 120 minutes
• Settings — 6 speeds, 6 patterns
• Waterproof
• Travel lock option!

Who would like the Fun Factory Big Boss?

Subtlety is bare­ly in the Big Boss’s vocab­u­lary, quar­an­tined to the head shape and pseudo-​veiny tex­tures. It’s fill­ing, and its sil­i­cone is firm, allow­ing the bassy vibra­tions to trans­fer well. It feels glo­ri­ous behind my cervix but is way blunter than the Aptus. If the word “unyield­ing” appeals to you, you’ll love Big Boss.

I find the Fun Factory Big Boss best for four kinds of stimulation:

• Going behind the cervix
• Grinding the head in the A‑spot in front of the cervix
• Moderate depth with coital align­ment tech­nique, rock­ing it back and forth while the out­er por­tion mas­sages my clitoris
• Just an over­all stretch, vibrat­ing the inter­nal cli­toral legs and bulbs

The shaft does bend, but it takes quite a bit of pres­sure. As such, I’d only rec­om­mend the third point above to users with a clit-​vag gap of an inch or short­er. Note that I omit­ted G‑spotting on that list. Yes, the coro­na has some def­i­n­i­tion, but the rest of the head doesn’t pound into my G‑spot.

Further, the motor is focused in the bot­tom half and will like­ly vibrate your but­t­hole dur­ing deep pen­e­tra­tion. Some users con­sid­er that a perk, while oth­ers find it dis­tract­ing on the high­er set­tings. Good thing there are 6 steady speeds to choose from!

Note: I wouldn’t rec­om­mend the Big Boss for anal use due to the lack of a flared base or stop­per; it could get lost inside the user. Stick to using it vaginally.

Big Boss vs. other thick vibrating dildos

While oth­er girthy insertable vibra­tors are avail­able on the mar­ket, quite a few fea­tures make the Fun Factory Big Boss spe­cial. Consider how it con­trasts with the oth­er options.

BMS Factory’s Swan Wand double-​ended G‑spot vibra­tor is hel­l­l­l­la pow­er­ful, way more potent, and more promi­nent on the thick end, but it’s very front-​loaded and for­mi­da­ble for G‑spotting. In con­trast, the Big Boss’s shaft is rel­a­tive­ly uni­form for deep­er and straighter pen­e­tra­tion. Its stretch­ing sen­sa­tion is also less localized.

You could also try the Exposed Nocturnal bul­let inside a Vac-​U-​Lock dil­do cav­i­ty. If some­one asks for the most enor­mous vibrat­ing dil­do, I direct them to Hankey’s Toys Topher Michels. And hell yeah, it’s intense, but you won’t get the same degree of con­trol (or porta­bil­i­ty) as with the Fun Factory Big Boss’s three-​button pan­el. Consider what’s more impor­tant to you.

Finally, if you like the Big Boss’s shape, but don’t want the vibra­tions, try The Boss dil­do by Fun Factory!

Control panel and settings

Vibration quality

The Fun Factory Big Boss offers 6 pat­terns and 6 steady speeds, from a low wob­ble (40 Hz) to a still-​bassy (62 Hz) trill. It stays super rumbly even at the high­est inten­si­ty. Fun Factory’s trade­mark G5 vibra­tions are S‑tier in the indus­try, along­side We-​Vibe and Je Joue.

Travel lock

This vibra­tor arrives with the trav­el lock on. To turn that off and start play­ing, hold down the FUN and + but­tons, then press the FUN but­ton to turn it on and off. Hold down the FUN and — but­tons to turn the trav­el lock back on for tak­ing the Big Boss on the go. That way, it won’t start shak­ing in your bag.

How to select Fun Factory vibration settings

Once it starts purring, you can press the + and — but­tons to cycle through the set­tings. By default, it turns on at the mid­dle steady speed. The oth­er thing I find funky is that if you’re brows­ing the pat­terns, you’ll stay in the rhythm part of the menu until you return to the begin­ning and press the — button.

Here are the 6 pat­terns summed up:

1. A wave pat­tern from mild to intense
2. A more pro­longed, slow­er wave
3. Thrumming
4. Faster, slight­ly wob­bly pulses
5. Alternation between fast puls­es and low speed
6. Ramping up in speed to fast pulses

Otherwise, I much appre­ci­ate the abil­i­ty to turn the speed up and down quick­ly. The han­dle loop and but­tons are also easy to feel and hold in the dark, even with lube hands. (And you will need lube with the drag­gy sand­blast­ed finish.)

Closing thoughts on the Fun Factory Big Boss

If you’re size roy­al­ty look­ing for a thick sil­i­cone vibra­tor with strong and lux­u­ri­ous­ly low-​pitched vibra­tions, look no fur­ther than the Fun Factory Big Boss. It’s girthy, rumbly, and designed for opti­mal plea­sure; while there are some quirks, my feed­back is most­ly just the gasp­ing and glow­ing from using it.

What I love about the Fun Factory Big Boss

• THIIIIIIIIICCcccc
• The low, thrum­ming vibra­tion qual­i­ty is just AaAaAaAaAa
• Get stuffed and stim­u­late the cli­toris from all angles
• Comprehensive con­trol pan­el and wide range of speeds
• Easy to use in the dark
• Fun lim­it­ed edi­tion jew­el color!