Review: Uberrime Aptus 8.5” realistic dildo & Fun Factory Big Boss vibrator

Two top-​tier, above-​average classic must-​haves for dildo devotees with a penchant for profound penetration
Uberrime Aptus and Fun Factory Big Boss review. Both dildos measure about 9.5" in length and 1.7" maximum diameter, though the Big Boss has less insertable length due to the control panel and handle.

I go flam­ing­ly fer­al around ovu­la­tion time and want to get DICKED. For days when I crave bash­ing my cervix, these real­is­tic sil­i­cone dil­dos are among the best at what they do.

The Uberrime Aptus offers ample length to delve deep — with­out much girth or bulk. In con­trast, the Fun Factory Big Boss vibrator’s appeal is in the name: thick all the way down and firm with fortitude.

A closer look at the Uberrime Aptus 9 inch realistic dildo textures. It's almost as long as my forearm from wrist to inner corner of elbow. And its skin-like appearance is sooooo, so realistic. The veins aren't too engorged or anything. It's just right.

Uberrime Aptus 8.5” long A-spot dildo review

Who needs psy­choac­tives when I have dil­dos like the Uberrime Aptus? Cue endoge­nous release of DMT from cer­vi­cal orgasms.

I seri­ous­ly lost count of how many times I came on the Aptus in my first ses­sion. The orgasms just blur togeth­er as I go for anoth­er, and anoth­er, and anoth­er. As each peak dwin­dles, I give it two more thrusts, and I am again in cum kingdom.

If there’s one take­away from this Uberrime Aptus review, it’s that this hyper-​realistic dil­do is long and JUICY. The tip fits my pos­te­ri­or fornix like a puz­zle piece. And its longer-​than-​usual length (8” insertable) grants addi­tion­al ammu­ni­tion, going extra hard against the cervix, and auto­mat­i­cal­ly aim­ing slight­ly forward.

the Uberrime Aptus has a super defined shovel-like mushroom tip that slightly swoops for easy insertion in the A-spot or behind the cervix for endless cervical orgasms

What makes it even more beau­ti­ful? 1.7” at the head and 1.6” along the shaft, there’s still springi­ness and flex­i­bil­i­ty, even at its Shore 8A medium-​firm den­si­ty. I love insert­ing all of it inside me and feel­ing how it bends against my back wall, cervix, and ceil­ing as it bot­toms me out.

In a sense, it was made for me; Uberrime designed it with my pref­er­ences in mind!

Uberrime Aptus realistic dildo shape

Remember my Uberrime Night King review and how hard I swooned for it? Yeah, con­sid­er the Uberrime Aptus the real­is­tic ana­log with its:

  • JUUUUICY head and frenulum
  • 3D-​printed veinage (noth­ing too dramatic)
  • Fine macro skin texture
  • Protruding cor­pus cavernosum
Uberrime Night King and Aptus next to my hand and wrist for size comparison

Not only is it fun to glide my thumb or lips in that sul­cus under the coro­na, but it also rep­re­sents a renais­sance in Uberrime’s rep­re­sen­ta­tion­al dil­do designs: SUPER DEFINED HEADS, as with their Divo dual-​density dil­do.

Uberrime’s Aptus has seri­ous “pop” to it, with the head stick­ing out 3/​8ths of an inch from the shaft almost all the way around. It’s slight­ly elon­gat­ed, swoop­ing on the dor­sal side and sub­tly hook­ing with its cur­va­ture. Marco Uberrime calls it “shovel-​shaped.” I call it per­fect for bash­ing behind my cervix.

Aptus vs. other Uberrime dildos

Consider how it com­pares to oth­er Uberrime dil­dos. Whereas Divo Large’s draw is rugged fore­skin tex­tures and girth (1.9” at the head and 1.8” below it), the Aptus is all about length and firm­ness. The Supero’s head was some­what sub­tle, and the Amante starred the squish. Not the Aptus, though. It comes in a medium-​firm 8A den­si­ty sil­i­cone, akin to erect, taut tissue.

Despite its 8.5” insertable length, it’s not as aggres­sive as the Night King or Aqua-​King. There’s no dou­ble or triple-​crown on the Aptus — just one beau­ti­ful­ly sculpt­ed head and a dis­tinct but not dra­mat­ic frenulum.

Uberrime Aptus head underside, showing the corpus spongiosum, frenulum, corona, glans, and slight foreskin.

What’s more, the gran­u­lar­i­ty of the Uberrime Aptus’s skin makes it so life­like that:

  1. I’ll like­ly artis­ti­cal­ly crop it on my Instagram to evade being flagged for nudity.
  2. My friend imme­di­ate­ly thought, “I should not have opened your pic­ture mes­sage at Target.”

Aptus realistic dildo measurements

  • Total length — 9"
  • Insertable length — 8.5"
  • Head diam­e­ter — 1.7"
  • Shaft diam­e­ter — 1.6"
  • Firmness — Shore 8A plat­inum silicone

Closing thoughts on the Uberrime Aptus

You don’t often find a long and lean legionary like the Aptus. Usually, dil­dos of this length go for girth, but not everyone’s into that all the time.

Uberrime Aptus vs. Night king head shapes and texture comparison side-by-side

Despite the Aptus’s sim­plic­i­ty, I get wet just look­ing at its sil­hou­ette — its expanse prac­ti­cal­ly reach­es my bel­ly but­ton. When insert­ed, that tip goes right where it belongs.

What I love about the Uberrime Aptus dildo

  • Long and lean — easy to aim and not “too” thick
  • Slight for­ward tilt for A‑spotting and cervix massage
  • Succulent, flared mush­room head
  • The shim­mer pig­ment shows off the beau­ti­ful textures!
  • Butt-​safe and harnessable
  • Customizable col­ors are available!
Fun Factory Big Boss handle loop and Uberrime Aptus silicone dildo head with bunched foreskin

Fun Factory Big Boss girthy silicone vibrator review

I went woozy-​face emo­ji when I turned on the Fun Factory Big Boss’s motor. “Oh fuck yeah, heav­en is already here,” I thought.

But I knew that before touch­ing the Big Boss. Fun Factory’s G5 insertable vibra­tors are top-​tier cult clas­sics that, for the most part, don’t need reviews any­more. Sex geeks rec­og­nize them and revere their deep, rumbly revving.

Fun Factory Big Boss Jewels edition in Amethyst color side view

Moreover, you don’t often find this luxe qual­i­ty for a thick insertable vibra­tor. With a 6.5” insertable length and 1.7” max­i­mum diam­e­ter, the Big Boss is girthy but still in the realm of not-​quite-​uncommon human cock size.

Its com­bi­na­tion of size, strong motors, and firm sil­i­cone make it:

  1. Merely 2 steps short of a blud­geon, and …
  2. Versatile for a range of hot spots and thrust­ing techniques

Fun Factory Big Boss measurements & specs

  • Total length — 9.2"
  • Insertable length — 6.5"
  • Maximum diam­e­ter — 1.8"
  • Charging time — 6 to 8 hours
  • Battery life — 40 to 120 minutes
  • Settings — 6 speeds, 6 patterns
  • Waterproof
  • Travel lock option!
Fun Factory Big Boss Jewels edition. This vibe has subtle textures along the sides and bottom, like artistic renditions of veins and a corpus spongiosum

Who would like the Fun Factory Big Boss?

Subtlety is bare­ly in the Big Boss’s vocab­u­lary, quar­an­tined to the head shape and pseudo-​veiny tex­tures. It’s fill­ing, and its sil­i­cone is firm, allow­ing the bassy vibra­tions to trans­fer well. It feels glo­ri­ous behind my cervix but is way blunter than the Aptus. If the word “unyield­ing” appeals to you, you’ll love Big Boss.

I find the Fun Factory Big Boss best for four kinds of stimulation:

The shaft does bend, but it takes quite a bit of pres­sure. As such, I’d only rec­om­mend the third point above to users with a clit-​vag gap of an inch or short­er. Note that I omit­ted G‑spotting on that list. Yes, the coro­na has some def­i­n­i­tion, but the rest of the head doesn’t pound into my G‑spot.

Fun Factory Big Boss thick G-spot vibrator head shape

Further, the motor is focused in the bot­tom half and will like­ly vibrate your but­t­hole dur­ing deep pen­e­tra­tion. Some users con­sid­er that a perk, while oth­ers find it dis­tract­ing on the high­er set­tings. Good thing there are 6 steady speeds to choose from!

Note: I wouldn’t rec­om­mend the Big Boss for anal use due to the lack of a flared base or stop­per; it could get lost inside the user. Stick to using it vaginally.

Big Boss vs. other thick vibrating dildos

While oth­er girthy insertable vibra­tors are avail­able on the mar­ket, quite a few fea­tures make the Fun Factory Big Boss spe­cial. Consider how it con­trasts with the oth­er options.

BMS Factory’s Swan Wand double-​ended G‑spot vibra­tor is hel­l­l­l­la pow­er­ful, way more potent, and more promi­nent on the thick end, but it’s very front-​loaded and for­mi­da­ble for G‑spotting. In con­trast, the Big Boss’s shaft is rel­a­tive­ly uni­form for deep­er and straighter pen­e­tra­tion. Its stretch­ing sen­sa­tion is also less localized.

You could also try the Exposed Nocturnal bul­let inside a Vac-​U-​Lock dil­do cav­i­ty. If some­one asks for the most enor­mous vibrat­ing dil­do, I direct them to Hankey’s Toys Topher Michels. And hell yeah, it’s intense, but you won’t get the same degree of con­trol (or porta­bil­i­ty) as with the Fun Factory Big Boss’s three-​button pan­el. Consider what’s more impor­tant to you.

Finally, if you like the Big Boss’s shape, but don’t want the vibra­tions, try The Boss dil­do by Fun Factory!

Control panel and settings

Vibration quality

The Fun Factory Big Boss offers 6 pat­terns and 6 steady speeds, from a low wob­ble (40 Hz) to a still-​bassy (62 Hz) trill. It stays super rumbly even at the high­est inten­si­ty. Fun Factory’s trade­mark G5 vibra­tions are S‑tier in the indus­try, along­side We-​Vibe and Je Joue.

Fun Factory Big Boss G5 control panel buttons

Travel lock

This vibra­tor arrives with the trav­el lock on. To turn that off and start play­ing, hold down the FUN and + but­tons, then press the FUN but­ton to turn it on and off. Hold down the FUN and — but­tons to turn the trav­el lock back on for tak­ing the Big Boss on the go. That way, it won’t start shak­ing in your bag.

How to select Fun Factory vibration settings

Once it starts purring, you can press the + and — but­tons to cycle through the set­tings. By default, it turns on at the mid­dle steady speed. The oth­er thing I find funky is that if you’re brows­ing the pat­terns, you’ll stay in the rhythm part of the menu until you return to the begin­ning and press the — button.

Here are the 6 pat­terns summed up:

  1. A wave pat­tern from mild to intense
  2. A more pro­longed, slow­er wave
  3. Thrumming
  4. Faster, slight­ly wob­bly pulses
  5. Alternation between fast puls­es and low speed
  6. Ramping up in speed to fast pulses

Otherwise, I much appre­ci­ate the abil­i­ty to turn the speed up and down quick­ly. The han­dle loop and but­tons are also easy to feel and hold in the dark, even with lube hands. (And you will need lube with the drag­gy sand­blast­ed finish.)

Fun Factory Big Boss thick silicone vibrator next to a thick realistic silicone dildo

Closing thoughts on the Fun Factory Big Boss

If you’re size roy­al­ty look­ing for a thick sil­i­cone vibra­tor with strong and lux­u­ri­ous­ly low-​pitched vibra­tions, look no fur­ther than the Fun Factory Big Boss. It’s girthy, rumbly, and designed for opti­mal plea­sure; while there are some quirks, my feed­back is most­ly just the gasp­ing and glow­ing from using it.

What I love about the Fun Factory Big Boss

  • The low, thrum­ming vibra­tion qual­i­ty is just AaAaAaAaAa
  • Get stuffed and stim­u­late the cli­toris from all angles
  • Comprehensive con­trol pan­el and wide range of speeds
  • Easy to use in the dark
  • Fun lim­it­ed edi­tion jew­el color!

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1 Response

  1. Cam says:

    These both sound great imo. Love a trav­el lock if ever needed

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