Review: Uberrime Aptus 8.5” realistic dildo & Fun Factory Big Boss vibrator
Two top-tier, above-average classic must-haves for dildo devotees with a penchant for profound penetration
I go flamingly feral around ovulation time and want to get DICKED. For days when I crave bashing my cervix, these realistic silicone dildos are among the best at what they do.
The Uberrime Aptus offers ample length to delve deep — without much girth or bulk. In contrast, the Fun Factory Big Boss vibrator’s appeal is in the name: thick all the way down and firm with fortitude.
Uberrime Aptus 8.5” long A-spot dildo review
Who needs psychoactives when I have dildos like the Uberrime Aptus? Cue endogenous release of DMT from cervical orgasms.
I seriously lost count of how many times I came on the Aptus in my first session. The orgasms just blur together as I go for another, and another, and another. As each peak dwindles, I give it two more thrusts, and I am again in cum kingdom.
If there’s one takeaway from this Uberrime Aptus review, it’s that this hyper-realistic dildo is long and JUICY. The tip fits my posterior fornix like a puzzle piece. And its longer-than-usual length (8” insertable) grants additional ammunition, going extra hard against the cervix, and automatically aiming slightly forward.
What makes it even more beautiful? 1.7” at the head and 1.6” along the shaft, there’s still springiness and flexibility, even at its Shore 8A medium-firm density. I love inserting all of it inside me and feeling how it bends against my back wall, cervix, and ceiling as it bottoms me out.
In a sense, it was made for me; Uberrime designed it with my preferences in mind!
Uberrime Aptus realistic dildo shape
Remember my Uberrime Night King review and how hard I swooned for it? Yeah, consider the Uberrime Aptus the realistic analog with its:
- JUUUUICY head and frenulum
- 3D-printed veinage (nothing too dramatic)
- Fine macro skin texture
- Protruding corpus cavernosum
Not only is it fun to glide my thumb or lips in that sulcus under the corona, but it also represents a renaissance in Uberrime’s representational dildo designs: SUPER DEFINED HEADS, as with their Divo dual-density dildo.
Uberrime’s Aptus has serious “pop” to it, with the head sticking out 3/8ths of an inch from the shaft almost all the way around. It’s slightly elongated, swooping on the dorsal side and subtly hooking with its curvature. Marco Uberrime calls it “shovel-shaped.” I call it perfect for bashing behind my cervix.
Aptus vs. other Uberrime dildos
Consider how it compares to other Uberrime dildos. Whereas Divo Large’s draw is rugged foreskin textures and girth (1.9” at the head and 1.8” below it), the Aptus is all about length and firmness. The Supero’s head was somewhat subtle, and the Amante starred the squish. Not the Aptus, though. It comes in a medium-firm 8A density silicone, akin to erect, taut tissue.
Despite its 8.5” insertable length, it’s not as aggressive as the Night King or Aqua-King. There’s no double or triple-crown on the Aptus — just one beautifully sculpted head and a distinct but not dramatic frenulum.
What’s more, the granularity of the Uberrime Aptus’s skin makes it so lifelike that:
- I’ll likely artistically crop it on my Instagram to evade being flagged for nudity.
- My friend immediately thought, “I should not have opened your picture message at Target.”
Aptus realistic dildo measurements
- Total length — 9"
- Insertable length — 8.5"
- Head diameter — 1.7"
- Shaft diameter — 1.6"
- Firmness — Shore 8A platinum silicone
Closing thoughts on the Uberrime Aptus
You don’t often find a long and lean legionary like the Aptus. Usually, dildos of this length go for girth, but not everyone’s into that all the time.
Despite the Aptus’s simplicity, I get wet just looking at its silhouette — its expanse practically reaches my belly button. When inserted, that tip goes right where it belongs.
What I love about the Uberrime Aptus dildo
- Long and lean — easy to aim and not “too” thick
- Slight forward tilt for A‑spotting and cervix massage
- Succulent, flared mushroom head
- The shimmer pigment shows off the beautiful textures!
- Butt-safe and harnessable
- Customizable colors are available!
Fun Factory Big Boss girthy silicone vibrator review
I went woozy-face emoji when I turned on the Fun Factory Big Boss’s motor. “Oh fuck yeah, heaven is already here,” I thought.
But I knew that before touching the Big Boss. Fun Factory’s G5 insertable vibrators are top-tier cult classics that, for the most part, don’t need reviews anymore. Sex geeks recognize them and revere their deep, rumbly revving.
Moreover, you don’t often find this luxe quality for a thick insertable vibrator. With a 6.5” insertable length and 1.7” maximum diameter, the Big Boss is girthy but still in the realm of not-quite-uncommon human cock size.
Its combination of size, strong motors, and firm silicone make it:
- Merely 2 steps short of a bludgeon, and …
- Versatile for a range of hot spots and thrusting techniques
Fun Factory Big Boss measurements & specs
- Total length — 9.2"
- Insertable length — 6.5"
- Maximum diameter — 1.8"
- Charging time — 6 to 8 hours
- Battery life — 40 to 120 minutes
- Settings — 6 speeds, 6 patterns
- Travel lock option!
Who would like the Fun Factory Big Boss?
Subtlety is barely in the Big Boss’s vocabulary, quarantined to the head shape and pseudo-veiny textures. It’s filling, and its silicone is firm, allowing the bassy vibrations to transfer well. It feels glorious behind my cervix but is way blunter than the Aptus. If the word “unyielding” appeals to you, you’ll love Big Boss.
I find the Fun Factory Big Boss best for four kinds of stimulation:
- Going behind the cervix
- Grinding the head in the A‑spot in front of the cervix
- Moderate depth with coital alignment technique, rocking it back and forth while the outer portion massages my clitoris
- Just an overall stretch, vibrating the internal clitoral legs and bulbs
The shaft does bend, but it takes quite a bit of pressure. As such, I’d only recommend the third point above to users with a clit-vag gap of an inch or shorter. Note that I omitted G‑spotting on that list. Yes, the corona has some definition, but the rest of the head doesn’t pound into my G‑spot.
Further, the motor is focused in the bottom half and will likely vibrate your butthole during deep penetration. Some users consider that a perk, while others find it distracting on the higher settings. Good thing there are 6 steady speeds to choose from!
Note: I wouldn’t recommend the Big Boss for anal use due to the lack of a flared base or stopper; it could get lost inside the user. Stick to using it vaginally.
Big Boss vs. other thick vibrating dildos
While other girthy insertable vibrators are available on the market, quite a few features make the Fun Factory Big Boss special. Consider how it contrasts with the other options.
BMS Factory’s Swan Wand double-ended G‑spot vibrator is hellllla powerful, way more potent, and more prominent on the thick end, but it’s very front-loaded and formidable for G‑spotting. In contrast, the Big Boss’s shaft is relatively uniform for deeper and straighter penetration. Its stretching sensation is also less localized.
You could also try the Exposed Nocturnal bullet inside a Vac-U-Lock dildo cavity. If someone asks for the most enormous vibrating dildo, I direct them to Hankey’s Toys Topher Michels. And hell yeah, it’s intense, but you won’t get the same degree of control (or portability) as with the Fun Factory Big Boss’s three-button panel. Consider what’s more important to you.
Finally, if you like the Big Boss’s shape, but don’t want the vibrations, try The Boss dildo by Fun Factory!
Control panel and settings
The Fun Factory Big Boss offers 6 patterns and 6 steady speeds, from a low wobble (40 Hz) to a still-bassy (62 Hz) trill. It stays super rumbly even at the highest intensity. Fun Factory’s trademark G5 vibrations are S‑tier in the industry, alongside We-Vibe and Je Joue.
This vibrator arrives with the travel lock on. To turn that off and start playing, hold down the FUN and + buttons, then press the FUN button to turn it on and off. Hold down the FUN and — buttons to turn the travel lock back on for taking the Big Boss on the go. That way, it won’t start shaking in your bag.
How to select Fun Factory vibration settings
Once it starts purring, you can press the + and — buttons to cycle through the settings. By default, it turns on at the middle steady speed. The other thing I find funky is that if you’re browsing the patterns, you’ll stay in the rhythm part of the menu until you return to the beginning and press the — button.
Here are the 6 patterns summed up:
- A wave pattern from mild to intense
- A more prolonged, slower wave
- Faster, slightly wobbly pulses
- Alternation between fast pulses and low speed
- Ramping up in speed to fast pulses
Otherwise, I much appreciate the ability to turn the speed up and down quickly. The handle loop and buttons are also easy to feel and hold in the dark, even with lube hands. (And you will need lube with the draggy sandblasted finish.)
Closing thoughts on the Fun Factory Big Boss
If you’re size royalty looking for a thick silicone vibrator with strong and luxuriously low-pitched vibrations, look no further than the Fun Factory Big Boss. It’s girthy, rumbly, and designed for optimal pleasure; while there are some quirks, my feedback is mostly just the gasping and glowing from using it.
What I love about the Fun Factory Big Boss
- The low, thrumming vibration quality is just AaAaAaAaAa
- Get stuffed and stimulate the clitoris from all angles
- Comprehensive control panel and wide range of speeds
- Easy to use in the dark
- Fun limited edition jewel color!