Uberrime Night King review: long fantasy dildo
The Uberrime Night King dildo feels like it was made just for me. I have all but died and come back to earth from heaven. I’d clutch it hissing, “PRECIOUS” if anyone tried to take it. Because, if you love texture and cervix stimulation, this silicone dildo is the fucking truth.
UPDATE FOR MARCH 6, 2019: to celebrate the beginning of the final season of Game of Thrones, Uberrime has made Fire-and-Ice-themed Night Kings! They’ll be a fade with royal blue on the bottom half and red and yellow on the top half. And the silicone is slightly squishier. Find them at Peepshow Toys!
In this review:
- How does the Night King look?
- How does the Night King feel?
- Textures and G-spot stimulation
- Cervix stimulation with the Night King
How does the Uberrime Night King look?
Every aspect of the Uberrime Night King‘s design is impeccable. The Game of Thrones-inspired color palette synergizes. And if seeing it from afar wasn’t enough, the inky Nebula Blue in the bottom half has fine purple glitter dust mixed in.
My Night King’s tightly structured, ribbon-like marbling on the bottom half looks deliberate. It looks like the maker has marbled silicone for a long time. I wasn’t at all surprised to read Marco Uberrime’s “about” page and see the following:
I rather enjoy sculpting, playing with colors and abstract shapes and combinations … There is a deep sense of gratification in hand making and I strive to become better, explore, and expand with each and every toy I make.
Marco takes pride and pleasure in his work, and it shows. The end products live up to the brand’s name, Uberrime: Latin for luxury, abundance, and/or fruitfully copious.
How does the Night King feel?
The Night King I have is moderately firm (Dragon Skin Shore 10A). It’s firm by fantasy dildo standards but springy by mine. I wouldn’t have asked for anything else. The firmness brings out the Night King‘s best features: the textures against my G-spot, and the curve against my cervix.
Textures and G-spot stimulation
The Uberrime Night King has textures galore! Its head is double-crowned, giving it a satisfying pop during shallow penetration when I jiggle it against my G-spot.
On the side that the curve faces, there’s vertical and diagonal texture on the shaft. It wibbles and wobbles into more horizontal ripples as you turn the dildo. This works out perfectly for me— I like big ripples with spacing between, as well as verticals and diagonals I can twist.
You can also rub the textures against whatever junk you have. The extra long shaft can bend to stimulate the clitoris while thrusting, to wrap around a penis, and so on.
For me, though, the most potent magic happens when you go deeper.
Cervix stimulation with the Night King
You see that gradual but pronounced curve? There’s no ignoring how easily, effortlessly the curve and girth massage my posterior fornix (also known as the PFE or Deep Spot). It brings out my favorite kind of orgasm: the cervical orgasm. Deep, full-bodied, expansively buildable, and full of spellbinding heart-eyes-emoji voodoo.
This level of ease for cervix stimulation is quite rare in Toyland. Sure, I’ve reviewed some toys that could reach my slightly-shallower A-spot (about 5 inches in), or my very shallow G-spot. And technically, any long toy could fit into my posterior fornix, but experience has shown that toys can slide in there but miss the spot that makes me weak at the knees.
It’s been six months since I’ve reviewed a new toy that makes my cervix feel this loved. The Uberrime Night King reminds me of the meat-and-potatoes of my masturbation: the VixSkin Johnny. Back in 2015, I wrote:
“The VixSkin Johnny has so highly raised my standards… When trying out another dildo I like, I ask myself: ‘Would saying that I love that other toy, be fair to the Johnny?’ The answer is rarely ever ‘yes.'”
- the gradual curve
- the girth for added intensity
- the firmness to thrust with precision
- the softness to bash against my cervix to my heart’s delight
…and then some. Folx, I’m head-over-heels in love.
Buying sex toys via my links makes no difference to you, but it means everything to me.