Uberrime Aqua-King Aquaman-themed silicone fantasy dildo

Image: a look at the Uberrime Aqua-King's silicone marbling of teal and gold. Because these dildos are handmade, no two have the exact same swirling patterns

Ever want­ed to cry imme­di­ate­ly after a cathar­tic orgasm? Because that’s how the Uberrime Aqua-King makes me feel. And not nec­es­sar­i­ly cry­ing dur­ing an intense orgasm, or feel­ing depressed after­ward. I mean on a vis­cer­al lev­el think­ing, “Ah yes, I am still an earth­ly being.”

Even mere­ly pulling out the Aqua-King’s triple-crowned head is a shock. Question marks and excla­ma­tion points fill my mind, fol­lowed by “No, I need it back in me!” The pop­ping sen­sa­tion against my front wall is hyp­not­ic. I want anoth­er round. I can’t stop. How could I so abrupt­ly deprive my vagi­na? Especially when removal of the stim­u­lus is in itself stimulating.

For the first time, I under­stood what peo­ple meant when they said that anal beads feel espe­cial­ly amaz­ing when pulled out quick­ly dur­ing an orgasm. I’m not much of a Butt Stuff fan, but my vagi­na gets it. It’s about the dra­mat­ic pres­sure shifts against my walls, putting me in a trance as I antic­i­pate the next ridge. Like the gasp of the ini­tial inser­tion, over and over again. Because that’s what the Uberrime Aqua-King’s bumpy design is: slid­ing back-and-forth an exag­ger­at­ed coro­na, on repeat.

Uberrime Aqua-King girthy merman silicone dildo next to lube tube

Uberrime Aqua-King dimensions & features

By exag­ger­at­ed, we’re talk­ing about 6.5″ around (2.07″ across) widest parts of the head and 5.6″ around (1.78″ across) the dips and shaft. There’s an asym­me­try where the notch­es are more aggres­sive on one side. The undu­lat­ing waves dip more dras­ti­cal­ly on that side. But also, if you sliced the Aqua-King into cross-sections, they’d be egg-like, with one side slight­ly pointy. The peaks are sharp­er and vague­ly remind me of fin­gers and knuckles.

UPDATE: Want some­thing similarly-sized but just a lii­i­i­it­tle more gen­tle? Try the Uberrime A‑Spot Avenger, which is basi­cal­ly Aqua-King 2.0!

I remem­ber send­ing a Snap to a friend of myself hold­ing the Aqua-King, and he replied, “…it’s big­ger than your arm…” Yes, I know. Isn’t its girth great?!

The Uberrime Aqua-King isn’t big and bold sole­ly for the sake of adding more, more, more, though. Its macro-textures’ place­ments are strate­gic. And though the scales are noth­ing to scoff at from an artis­tic stand­point, they’re hard­ly dis­cernible when thrusting.

Image: the Uberrime Aqua-King is fat, but it bends easily and is fairly yielding

Unless you want to bend the flex­i­ble (Shore 5A) shaft and grind your exter­nal junk against it. That’s cool too. The Aqua-King is indeed long enough for exter­nal stim­u­la­tion while the ridges press against my G‑spot.

A long fantasy dildo for deep penetration and cervix stimulation

But as an avari­cious swine for cer­vi­cal orgasms, why would I waste any of that pre­cious length? No. I want to devour all of the Uberrime Aqua-King. How beau­ti­ful­ly it aligns with my inter­nal anatomy!

There’s a slope on one side of the Aqua-King’s head, eas­i­ly insert­ing and feel­ing unex­pect­ed­ly at home in front of my cervix. For that rea­son, it has a crit­i­cal fea­ture in com­mon with the Blush Novelties Avant D3 / D4. My A‑spot and cervix can’t ignore the head and the first coro­n­a’s girth. I’m in heaven.

Putting it all together simultaneously

Image: another side of the Uberrime Aqua King, resting on gold satin

Now com­bine that with the sen­so­ry sym­pho­ny of the sec­ond and third “dor­sal fins.” It’s a high­ly method­i­cal melange on my front wall:

It’s beau­ti­ful, but not over­whelm­ing to me. Why? Because the Aqua-King is squishy and the saw-tooth ridges don’t occu­py all of the shaft. They’re right where they need to be. No more and no less.

And all that sounds incred­i­bly clin­i­cal, but that does­n’t take away from the orches­tral dopamine magic.

Uberrime Aqua-King scaled merman girthy dildo with triple crown corona ridges

My verdict on the Uberrime Aqua-King

I would advise avoid­ing the Uberrime Aqua-King while a room­mate is at home, except it’s too deli­cious to ration like that. If I start scream­ing while using it, hope­ful­ly, I can smooth­ly tran­si­tion into the begin­ning of The Lion King open­ing song.

Invest in good lube and wash some nicer-than-usual sheets. Get com­fort­able before using the Uberrime Aqua-King. You might find your­self glued to the bed in a pud­dle of lube, wet­ter than Atlantis, eyes trans­fixed and star­ing at the ceil­ing. If you’re of size roy­al­ty and love deep pen­e­tra­tion and sharp tex­tures, you’ll be feel­ing the love. Or like you’re about to cry. Same dif­fer­ence in my world.


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Thank you to SheVibe! They sent me the Uberrime Aqua-King sil­i­cone fan­ta­sy dil­do in exchange for my hon­est and freely-given review. Unfortunately, I’m not famil­iar enough with Aquaman to do jus­tice to him, but I love this dil­do all the same! As always, I’m truth­ful about whether I enjoy a sex toy or think it feels like putting my clit in Satan’s but­t­hole.

1 Response

  1. Oreon says:

    Looks divine! Got to love Uberrime’s cre­ations. They’re all masterpieces.

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