Review sampler: Jopen Comet Wand, Kinklab Neon Wand, LuzArte Jollet, MyStim Sizzling Simon

2014 was the year of my sexual awakening. It was the year of:

• my first time try­ing a vibrator
• my first orgasm from breath­ing and clench­ing alone
• refin­ing my cer­vi­cal orgasms
• my first time try­ing elec­tri­cal stimulation
• hav­ing a con­sis­tent, long-​term friend with ben­e­fits for the first time

Not coin­ci­den­tal­ly, it was the year my sex toy col­lec­tion seri­ous­ly start­ed expand­ing. It wouldn't have been an exag­ger­a­tion to say that by the end of 2014, I had a lit­tle over $1,000 worth of sex toys. And when you have that many sex toys, it's nat­ur­al to devel­op picky pref­er­ences and have favorites.

What about now, four years later? Did the toys I loved in 2014 stand the test of time?

1. Jollies Jollet by LuzArte (for­mer­ly Chavez Dezignz and Jollies)
2. Kinklab Neon Wand + Power Tripper attachment
3. Jopen Comet Wand
4. MyStim Sizzling Simon

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1 Jollies Jollet by LuzArte

Damn near perfect dildo for simultaneous G‑spot and cervix stimulation

Shape and features of the Jollies Jollet

Legend has it that the Jollies Jollet was cast from the inside of a vagi­na, that they who wield this mighty dil­do will have their ori­fice filled per­fect­ly with firm pres­sure. There's a bump that's 1.9" at the fullest part and press­es into the G‑spot while the tapered tip slides behind the cervix. There's also a bul­let cav­i­ty into which the user can insert a pow­er­ful bul­let vibe and make the whole thing vibrate.

The bump's posi­tion per­fect­ly thrusts to stim­u­late both of my favorite inter­nal eroge­nous zones res­onat­ing split-​time. When I pull, it press­es into my G‑spot, and when I push, it press­es into my pos­te­ri­or fornix, all with just enough room for me to make the small thrusts my cervix likes. And when I orgasm and clench, it push­es the bump into my G‑spot even more, mak­ing me come non­stop for a few min­utes straight if I'm real­ly in the mood.

You can embed practically anything you want in the clear silicone!

As if the sexy shape wasn't enough, the aes­thet­ic col­or and pat­tern pos­si­bil­i­ties are end­less. The par­tic­u­lar Jollet I have has lit­tle rain­bow pom-​poms sus­pend­ed in it for pol­ka dots, but you could cus­tomize it with what­ev­er you want. Just email Luz and order via the LuzArte Products website.

You could put laven­der and herbs in it. Dungeons and Dragons dice. Silk flow­ers. False eye­lash­es and glit­ter. Barbie hands. Confetti. Monopoly game pieces. Let that sink in. In the pic­ture to above is a close­ly relat­ed vagi­nal plug called the Jollie, with embed­ded rhinestones.

I still love the Jollies Jollet, and…

I wish I had known more about how to take care of clear silicone

2014 was a time when I was a lot more dra­con­ian about dis­in­fect­ing my dil­dos, often using a bleach solu­tion. Bleach doesn't affect the body-​safe nature of clear/​translucent sil­i­cone, but it can react and dis­col­or it yellow.

The change is chem­i­cal, so you can't scrub it off. That was some­thing that nobody ever told me when I start­ed col­lect­ing sex toys, so it's a bum­mer that my old Jollet didn't stay clear.

To keep your clear sil­i­cone col­or­less, I sug­gest you use some­thing gen­tle like Dr. Bronner's unscent­ed soap and if you need to dis­in­fect, boil for 5 min­utes. With prop­er care, clear sil­i­cone will stay clear.

I'm excited that Chavez Dezignz /​ Jollies is now back as LuzArte!

I had nev­er been so excit­ed to announce a dis­con­tin­ued product's revival! The mak­er I got my Jollet dil­do from closed short­ly (but tem­porar­i­ly) after I bought it. Almost four years lat­er, they came back under a new name: LuzArte prod­ucts. I long antic­i­pat­ed the day that I could spread the gospel of the Jollet, and oth­er peo­ple could expe­ri­ence just how glo­ri­ous its G‑spotting is!

If you don't want some­thing custom-​made, you can also get a pol­ka dot or pur­ple flame Jollet from Spectrum Boutique. Take 10% off with dis­count code SUPERSMASH10

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2 KinkLab Neon Wand + Power Tripper

Electrify your body!

Imagine that every time you got close to some­one, they'd feel a spark. Literally. It's a real­i­ty with the Neon Wand and Power Tripper attach­ment. The attach­ment plugs into the wand on one end and tucks into your bra or waist­band on the oth­er, and that's when the mag­ic hap­pens: you can shock peo­ple with any part of your body.

It can feel like a slight tin­gle with sur­faces like the pads of your fin­gers or focused like tat­too nee­dles if you use your fin­ger­tips or tongue, or bet­ter yet, a met­al imple­ment. Forks, tweez­ers, and Wartenberg wheels are all ways to inten­si­fy the elec­tric feel.

My favorite for tor­tur­ing peo­ple has to be a metal­lic cheer pom-​pom, though. Think about it: the strands are ran­dom­ly aligned, so the per­son receiv­ing the sen­sa­tion doesn't know exact­ly where the next shock will be.

The Neon Wand comes with glass elec­trodes that glow a gor­geous pur­ple or red, but if you haven't tried the Power Tripper attach­ment (sold sep­a­rate­ly), you haven't tried the Neon Wand.

Fun at vanilla parties as Pikachu for Halloween

That's right: I didn't just dress like Pikachu, but I also could shock peo­ple like Pikachu at Halloween par­ties. People gath­ered around me to have their turn play­ing with me, even though it was in a non-​sexual context.

I could also hold hands with peo­ple and, as long as we main­tained phys­i­cal con­tact, they could shock peo­ple too. With a long exten­sion cord, we could have played Red Rover with it.

We con­tin­ued with a chain of peo­ple until it seemed rel­a­tive­ly innocu­ous to some­one just arriv­ing: a per­son quite far away from me could shock others.

The Neon Wand is mar­ket­ed as an erot­ic fetish device, but don't let that lim­it your imag­i­na­tion! It's fun for non-​sexual play, too.

How did I feel about the KinkLab Neon Wand in 2018?

I wish I still had it! A friend bor­rowed it a few years back, and I nev­er saw it again. If my boyfriend lived near­by, I might con­sid­er buy­ing anoth­er one. However, since he's long-​distance and I don't go to par­ties as often as I used to, the Neon Wand isn't a pri­or­i­ty… even if I do get nos­tal­gic think­ing about being Pikachu for a day.

I missed it so much that I bought a new one! Fuck yeah.

2020 UPDATE: read my Zeus Twilight Violet Wand review

The Zeus Twilight Violet Wand works the same way as the KinkLab Neon Wand does. If you still have ques­tions about vio­let rays, be sure to check out that post for my answers to frequently-​asked questions!

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3 Jopen Comet Wand

G‑spot assailing vibrator

This vibra­tor will bash your G‑spot so hard that you won't give three fucks about four fucks. Imagine the njoy Pure Wand's big end in vibra­tor form, and that's the Jopen Comet Wand. The crit­i­cal dif­fer­ence, how­ev­er, is that it's made of hard plas­tic and sil­i­cone, mak­ing it more lightweight.

It was one of the absolute most direct G‑spot toys you could get, espe­cial­ly for this price. The bul­bous head is of mod­er­ate girth on an abrupt­ly nar­rowed, steeply C‑curved neck and shaft. It was effort­less to stick in the Comet Wand and feel the bulb thrust against my G‑spot with the slight­est push­ing on the han­dle. Every jig­gle and twist dri­ves me wild.

If your G‑spot is a lit­tle past your pubic bone (which is the case with most vagi­nas), your G‑spot deserves to have the Jopen Comet Wand (or the njoy Pure Wand) anni­hi­late it. It's not a toy for the faint of the vagina.

How do I feel about the Jopen Comet Wand now?

The Jopen Comet Wand is worth every pen­ny for its G‑spot pound­ing. Its vibra­tions are pow­er­ful, so buzzy and loud that they're more there for "oomph" than as an essen­tial feature.

I end­ed up giv­ing the Comet Wand to a sex-​positive friend. While it was an essen­tial part of my sex­u­al self-​exploration at age 19, I've since found G‑spot toys I like way more. The njoy Eleven and Vixen Creations Randy, for exam­ple, might be less direct on my G‑spot, but they're girthi­er and fill me up more intensely.

The Jopen Comet Wand is still one of the best G‑spot mis­siles if you're into that, but since I love deep­er pen­e­tra­tion, it was a toy that I used less and less over time.

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4 MyStim Sizzling Simon

Self-​contained E‑stim vibrator

This vibrator shocks the inside of my vagina

What makes the MyStim Sizzling Simon so unique is that it's a vibra­tor that deliv­ers elec­tri­cal stim­u­la­tion via built-​in plates on either side. (Obviously, don't use it if you have a pace­mak­er.) You don't need to plug it into a sep­a­rate unit, mak­ing it far less expen­sive than the alter­na­tives. The shocks feel like some­thing between tin­gling, prick­ling, and puls­ing, depend­ing on which set­ting I use.

The elec­tros­tim­u­la­tion turns me the fuck on. It's enough to make me come, but I can't use the e‑stim on this vibra­tor with­out want­i­ng to pound my pussy hard.

I wouldn't rec­om­mend this device for e‑stim any­where but your ori­fices, though. I find that the shocks are too tem­pera­men­tal that way. In the same vein, make sure you insert the device entire­ly before you turn on the e‑stim.

Passive kegel exerciser

The kegel exer­cise set­tings' elec­tri­cal surges feel a lot deep­er. It makes sense, con­sid­er­ing they're designed to pen­e­trate your pelvic floor mus­cles, instead of just cause sen­sa­tion on the sur­face. My favorite way of using this set­ting is to pas­sive­ly kegel while reading.

I wouldn't buy the Sizzling Simon or any of MyStim's self-​contained e‑stim vibra­tors just for the kegel set­tings, but I do see where they would be espe­cial­ly use­ful. For exam­ple, peo­ple who have recent­ly giv­en birth would undoubt­ed­ly ben­e­fit from fun ways to do Kegels.

However, some might strug­gle with iso­lat­ing the pelvic floor mus­cles, and that's where hav­ing an elec­tros­tim­u­la­tion device can come in and show the user which mus­cles to squeeze. (My advice does not replace a doctor's. If you're hav­ing severe issues, your ob-​gyn can help way more.)

Moderately rumbly range of vibrations

MyStim Sizzling Simon vibra­tor has two motors: one in the shaft, and one in the tip. Between the two, there are at least six speed set­tings and six pat­terns of waves, puls­es, and esca­la­tion. The throb­bing rhythm of vibra­tions alter­nat­ing between motors gives this vibra­tor a sense of move­ment, even when it's stationary.

How do I feel about the MyStim Sizzling Simon now?

Though the vibra­tions don't impress me as much any­more, the Sizzling Simon could have been among my favorites if it could hold its bat­tery life over time. Seriously, if I charge it all the way and don't use it for three weeks, it won't turn on after hav­ing been set aside. Even if it doesn't touch any­thing met­al. That's how much the bat­tery sucks, and I seri­ous­ly don't get it.

I've also since learned that I like girthi­er, smoother toys. If I had to do it all over again, I'd still buy a MyStim vibra­tor, but instead, I'd get the Tickling Truman. At 1.7", it was girthy enough to intim­i­date 2014 me. Looking back, I think I could have con­sumed it. The Tickling Truman would fill me up bet­ter and been more suit­able for thrusting.

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The more I think about it, the more I want to buy a Tickling Truman.

Some things nev­er change; 4 years after I start­ed col­lect­ing sex toys, I still haven't reached a sat­u­ra­tion point. I still want to explore more and not just try new toys, but also revis­it what I liked about past toys to make my expe­ri­ences even bet­ter, come hard­er, and scream louder.