There are few things in this world I love col­lect­ing more than glossy, hand-​marbled sil­i­cone dil­dos. Here are three by Uberrime Dildos that give me heart-​eyes-​emoji feels every time I look at them:

• Uberrime Splendid Large
• Uberrime Amo
• Uberrime Dragon Claw

Uberrime Splendid Large dual-density silicone G-spot dildo

You nev­er for­get your first. The Uberrime Splendid Large gives me throw­back feels to my first sil­i­cone dil­do: a glossy, pearly pink Tantus Silk Large.

I can appre­ci­ate a vibra­tor with a well-​executed mat­te sil­i­cone fin­ish, but some­thing about slick, rel­a­tive­ly fric­tion­less gloss that feels so famil­iar and so right.

Splendid Large are dras­ti­cal­ly dif­fer­ent in cir­cum­fer­ence. The Silk is 1.5" at the widest cross-​section, while the Splendid's widest is 2.07". By most people's stan­dards, the Uberrime Splendid Large is fuck­ing huge, but still with­in the realm of plau­si­ble penis sizes. By my stan­dards, that mea­sure­ment, mul­ti­plied by 7.5" of insertable length, is perfection.

Okay, but how does the Uberrime Splendid Large feel?

It takes the slight­est bit of lube to push all the way in, right where it belongs. It's like when there's amaz­ing chem­istry with a new part­ner, and I imme­di­ate­ly widen my eyes in recoil at the first thrust, look up at him, and say, "Dude, holy fuck, just do what­ev­er you want." It's heavenly.

It's among my favorite toys for intense A‑spot pres­sure, just below my cervix on my front wall. The glossy sil­i­cone is per­fect for those who pre­fer more force and less fric­tion. Sometimes, the Uberrime Night King's tex­tures are a bit much, and that's okay. And for shal­low­er stim­u­la­tion, I can't ignore the double-​crowned head's intense pop­ping against my G‑spot.

But I do wish the Uberrime Splendid Large could thrust itself. With the way I usu­al­ly push, using the Splendid some­times feels like unin­ten­tion­al­ly edg­ing myself, like I'll go crazy if I stop jackhammering.

Other G‑spotting, A‑spotting, and cervix-​massaging dildos to consider

The Splendid's head isn't as squishy as VixSkin, or as tapered as the Aqua King; the rel­a­tive­ly blunt inser­tion isn't as intu­itive for thrust­ing into the right spot behind my cervix. And unlike with the rigid njoy Eleven, I have to use short­er thrusts with the Splendid, push­ing it hard­er and more delib­er­ate­ly to get the kind of pres­sure I crave.

The Splendid Large has giv­en me some fan­tas­tic orgasms and nos­tal­gic feels, and I adore the shim­mery gloss. But it isn't the most reli­able dil­do for my pos­te­ri­or fornix. For that, give me some­thing with a firmer core, steep­er curve, more taper­ing, or a squishi­er head.

Uberrime Amo: G-spot dildo with a heart-shaped head

The Uberrime Amo is anoth­er (CUTE AF!) glossy sil­i­cone dil­do with min­i­mal tex­ture. Its clas­sic flat head reminds me of a girthi­er but more flex­i­ble (and sub­jec­tive­ly less intense) ver­sion of the Chrystalino Champ. But it comes with a twist: the sharp coro­na dips into a heart shape.

It's aes­thet­i­cal­ly pleas­ing, but what dif­fer­ence does dip make in use? When thrust­ing, not much. But it's fun to twist if a defined coro­na and sharp sen­sa­tions against your G‑spot is your thang. Clenching around the head's defined ver­ti­cal edges on the sides is also delec­table for the same reason.

I will say, though, that my G‑spot is more demand­ing of pres­sure, so the glass Chrystalino Champ is still my go-​to begin­ner rec­om­men­da­tion for those built sim­i­lar­ly to me. For those who want a gor­geous, glossy, and flex­i­ble G‑spot toy in a clas­sic shape, the Uberrime Amo is a sol­id invest­ment. For me, it feels good to tap it against my front wall, but I don't adore the sen­sa­tion. And not as much as I love the artistry of the silicone's marbling.

Dragon Claw dildo/silicone bullet sleeve

The Uberrime Dragon Claw is a sam­ple of what Uberrime has to offer at an afford­able price. It's a sil­i­cone dil­do on the small­er side, with 4.25" of insertable length, but it's big on tex­ture. Want a minia­ture ren­di­tion of the Aqua-King's saw­tooth ridges? Or the Uberrime Xenuphora's sharp and pris­mat­ic edges? The Dragon Claw will give you a taste.

I don't often enjoy shal­low pen­e­tra­tion by itself, but the Dragon Claw's sur­faces manip­u­late and rip­ple and against my inter­nal cli­toris with enough force to get me off with no cervix pres­sure what­so­ev­er. When I don't nes­tle the tip against my G‑spot, the tex­tures are ample, and I enjoy twist­ing the edges against my front wall.

The sil­i­cone also serves as a buffer if you, like me, some­times find the We-​Vibe Tango's ultra-​powerful vibra­tions to be a bit much. Just pop the bul­let into the cav­i­ty on the base. It tones down the vibra­tions to a lev­el that can still get me off cli­toral­ly, with­out over­sen­si­tiz­ing me after­ward. The Uberrime Dragon Claw is also a glo­ri­ous option if you sim­ply enjoy shal­low pen­e­tra­tion with inter­nal vibra­tions. For the price, it is a steal.

Super Smash Cache

PLEASURE PRINCESS. COMPACT, HIGH-​CAPACITY HUMAN. CERVIX SORCERESS.

I've test­ed over 400 sex toys and love div­ing deep for cer­vi­cal orgasms, A‑spot stim­u­la­tion, and kinky odysseys into the subconscious.

Mesmerizing mind­fuck­ing or phys­i­cal fist­ing? Opening books or legs? Why not all of the above?

Can't get enough?

• • Read more about me and my plea­sure protocol/​philosophy
  • Book a plea­sure pep talk with me for one-​on-​one peer sup­port calls
  • Leave a tip via Ko-​Fi or PayPal