Dildos vs. "The Real Thing": Which One I'd Rather Have

A dil­do isn’t going to dance with one arm around my waist and the oth­er hand pulling my hair, tilt­ing my head for a kiss.

Glass tentacle dildos

Sex toys don’t have juicy, part­ed pil­low lips and tongues that “Yes, and” — kiss­ing me hard­er in response to my bit­ing and quivering.

In the bed­room, they don’t feel how wet I get through my panties and tease, “Awww, who did this to you?” before hold­ing me tighter and whis­per­ing, “Tell me what you want. Use your words. I know you can do it.”

When I’m look­ing at the ceil­ing, throw­ing my head back, a sex toy isn’t going to cup the side of my face to guide eye con­tact. It won’t trace its thumb along my lips, telling me how pret­ty I look with my eyes glazed over.

“It’s okay, doll — you don’t have to say any­thing now.”

Sex toys don’t read my cues or dirty talk, telling me, “Look at me when you cum” while bring­ing fin­gers in deep­er and press­ing harder.

With a dil­do, I can’t feel his warm chest against my face and his bony hips against my thighs when he’s on top.

A dil­do isn’t going to slow-​merge — my arms and legs around some­one, and a penis sta­tioned behind my cervix for seem­ing­ly for­ev­er, just shift­ing and rock­ing ever-so-slightly.

It won’t throb in sync with me when we cum togeth­er, eyes dilat­ed in the dark.

Sex toys don’t make me laugh hard dur­ing pil­low talk; my cunt con­trac­tions push­ing out cum.

You can do so much for a partner's pleasure that a sex toy can't

When fre­quent­ly asked ques­tions for sex blog­gers include:

  • “But does it feel like the real thing?”
  • “No man can com­pete with that.”
  • “Can you even enjoy ‘reg­u­lar’ sex anymore?”

I’d like to inter­ject that some­one who thinks that way is miss­ing the point. It nev­er was about sex toys vs. “the real thing” — because sex isn’t pure release, and sex toys aren’t peo­ple. Not even close.

Sex toys have come a long way, but are nowhere near replacing people

Yes, vibra­tors with pres­sure sen­sors and remote-​controlled self-​thrusting dil­dos are avail­able, but they’re not pre­cise, immer­sive, or inter­ac­tive like an atten­tive part­ner who can riff with your kinks.

And yes, we have clit pumps and lip-​shaped vibra­tors that puck­er to sim­u­late oral sex, but they feel like exact­ly what they are — mechan­i­cal contraptions.

And, um, I’m not posi­tion­ing an expen­sive, heavy-​ass sex doll on top of me like dead weight.

Sex toys are great, but sex with a part­ner is dif­fer­ent from solo mas­tur­ba­tion is dif­fer­ent from per­form­ing on live mas­tur­ba­tion sites.

Sex toys are comrades in pleasing a partner — not competition

If you use sex toys with a part­ner, you and that plea­sure prod­uct are on the same team, boo!

Consider how some­one high­ly skilled could use the fol­low­ing pow­er tools — and love both the process and end result:

  • Stand mix­ers per­form a few spe­cif­ic tasks; they don’t replace the whole baker.
  • Using pow­er tools allows great car­pen­ters to get things done faster.
  • You can have a car but still enjoy hik­ing in nature with a date — which might include dri­ving to a spe­cif­ic spot togeth­er and fin­ish­ing on foot.

Enjoy the ride, the jour­ney, the hike. Have fun with all of it!

This post con­tains a spon­sored link. The writ­ing and opin­ions expressed here are my own.

Further reading about using pleasure products with a partner

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