How Each Menstrual Cycle Phase Affects My Sex Life
If someone says that cis women are wildest during their periods, they’ve never seen me sex toy shopping and booty-calling during ovulation.
One of my Instagram followers commiserated:
You’re not alone, girl. My Tinder bio when I’m ovulating goes from, “I love hiking and my dog. Tell me if you want to join us” to “Suck my butt and fuck my guts MFs.”@kiwikillsme on Instagram
She knows what’s up.
American culture doesn’t teach AFAB people much about the menstrual cycle beyond “bleeding” and “not bleeding” — when the truth is, shenanigans are happening throughout the month. (If you’re not on hormonal birth control.)
Each combination of hormones has a distinct phase on not just my sex drive but also the type of sex I’m craving. I’ll sort this post into four menstrual cycle phases:
- Menstruation – bleeding, or what most people think being “on your cycle” means
- The follicular phase – preparing for ovulation
- Ovulation – when the ovary releases an egg
- The luteal phase – preparing to nourish a potential zygote
Let’s start with the elephants in the room before getting to the really fun stuff. This post is more about my personal experiences and is not a substitute for medical advice.
Having sex on my menstrual period
I’d never written a guide to sex on your period before because:
- Frankly, it’s not a big deal to me, and I didn’t think it merited an entire blog post
- People’s experiences with menstruation vary wildly
I don’t experience much cramping, though many others are in substantial pain. I also understand simply not being in the mood to have sex on someone’s period. At the same time, I think the mess is often dramatized.
For starters, black towels and sex blankets (The Layer, Liberator Throe, etc.) exist for a reason! Lay one out during intercourse. Enjoy the extra lube. Use a menstrual cup and maybe a dental dam during cunnilingus. (If you have a high-set cervix and short menstrual cup, wearing it during intercourse can work, too.) Shower afterward (or during playtime). Throw the towel in the laundry.
If you want to avoid the mess altogether, consider a strong wand vibrator like the Doxy Die Cast or bullet like the Blush Exposed Nocturnal. They’re notably powerful enough that I can use them over underwear and through a pad. (Though your mileage may vary.)
CBD has also helped me enjoy sex on my period, particularly with water-based CBD lube. CBD suppositories can greatly relieve cramps, but they often have a cocoa butter base, degrading latex condoms and gloves. As such, I usually stick to edibles and water-based insertables.
If I’m monogamous or have been tested recently, I’m more open to creampies and roleplaying a breeder kink early in my period.
NOTE: That’s a statement of my comfort levels and risk tolerance since I pay close attention to my fertile window. I don’t recommend risky creampies if A. You don’t cycle track, or B. Your cycles are inconsistent.
There are other, more subtle ways sex on my period is different from other times of the month. For one, my cervix is lower-set and more sensitive. I need more precision and less brute force when going in deep. My breasts are also tender before and during my period, so it’s an excellent time for a tiddy massage.
All in all, I get that period sex can help reduce menstrual cramps, but there’s some activation energy needed for me to initiate it in the first place!
The follicular phase of the menstrual cycle
During the follicular phase, eggs grow as follicle-stimulating hormone and estradiol levels ramp up. I think of the follicular phase as pre-ovulation.
I’m horny and DTF. My sex drive is rising. If I’m single, I’m increasing my time spent on Tinder and racking up the matches. But I’m not voracious quite yet, especially in the days shortly after my period.
Then, in the week leading up to ovulation day, I slowly transmogrify into a sex demon. It makes sense, considering sperm survives in the receptive party’s reproductive system for up to five days.
Libido spikes just before and during ovulation
The day before or during ovulation is prime time. The healthiest egg of the month is mature and ready to trap sperm in its death grip for fertilization.
I horny-post dirty but weirdly relatable texts on Instagram. I’m at my most flirty and fuckable, succumbing to the urge to binge-buy lingerie, makeup, and sex toys — anything relating to getting laid.
I know this phase is here when I feel needle-like cramping in my ovary, a few inches down and to the side of my belly button. Why? Because there’s no proper channel for the egg to be released, it just tears its way out of the egg sac.
It sounds horrifying, yet I feel like a firebender who could:
- Burst into flames
- Fuck up the neighborhood power grid and make lights flicker when I cum
Do you ever get so angry that you understand why voodoo dolls were created? Yeah, well, sometimes I get so horny that my reptilian brain screams, “IT’S YOUR DESTINY TO GET FERTILIZED BY THIS HUMAN. I CAN SEE THE FUTURE.” (Thankfully, I still have a juicy frontal lobe!)
My breeder kink is at its peak.1 I get a lot more aggressive in bed and am even more DTF, including being more willing to have casual sex.
Also notable: lately, my ovulation and menstruation have been synced to the full moon and new moon, respectively. AWOOOOOOUUUUUU!
The luteal phase of my cycle
After the ovulation hypomania dies down for me, my mental health goes to shit.
I have PMDD, meaning that ~10 days before my period, I experienced a compilation of low-serotonin mood disorders. Mash depression, anxiety, OCD, and ruminant anger together, and that was me before I was medicated.
Nowadays, I’m on Prozac (generically called fluoxetine), which is infamous for making it difficult for users to cum. It’s not that problematic for me; orgasms still come easily. CBD also helps me manage my cramping and anxiety.
However, I don’t care for light touch at this stage of my cycle. Snuggle with me and spoon, but give me penetration, pronto. Fuck foreplay. And if I’m too lazy to take my pants off, I crave powerful wands and clitoral vibrators during my luteal phase.
Then, the day before my period, I get ridiculously horny again. See my section about ovulation to recap what that’s like.
Again, your mileage may vary. Plenty of my SSRI-taking friends want more sensual foreplay during this time, and some have resigned to, “I can’t cum, but I still enjoy it.” That’s not me, though. In the words of Jessi Glazer from Big Mouth, “Isn’t it kind of my duty to nut as much as [the boys] do?”
Let’s wrap it up!
Do you cycle track? How do the different phases of your menstrual cycle personally affect your sex life?
This post was sponsored. Experiences shared and thoughts expressed are my own.
- It’s debatable whether creampies and insemination fantasy are paraphilias, though, considering that procreation is a purpose of intercourse.