How discreet is your online sex toy shopping?

Raise your hand if you’ve ever been victimized by sex toy packages declaring, “VIBRATING MASSAGER” or “HEALTH CARE GADGETS.”

I’ll wait.

How discreet is your online sex toy shopping? 1

I’ve been there and done that, and I’m not thrilled about the expe­ri­ence. Discreet sex toy ship­ping is essen­tial when you’re liv­ing with oth­ers (or just real­ly care about your privacy)!

Next time you order a pack­age of a pack­age online, con­sid­er whether your favorite sex shop han­dles the fol­low­ing fea­tures with care.


1 Nondescript, sturdy packaging

Start with a gener­ic box that:

  • Doesn’t reveal too much
  • Is stur­dy and tamper-evident
  • Has ample cush­ion­ing to pro­tect your purchase

For one, we’re try­ing not to draw atten­tion. But also, it’s not hard to feel and dis­cern phal­lic objects through thin plas­tic or paper pack­ag­ing. Flimsy pack­ing tape can be a secu­ri­ty haz­ard, too.

Ideally, a dis­creet online sex shop would use a blank box with pro­tec­tion and rein­force­ment at mul­ti­ple steps.


2 Name on return address & credit card statement

Consider how nosy your house­mates are. Sure, your favorite online sex shop might not refer to them­selves as “Dildos R Us” on the ship­ping label or cred­it card state­ment, but that’s the bare minimum.

Some stores’ alias­es are easy to Google. It doesn’t take much inter­net savvy to find the san­i­tized pseu­do­nyms on their FAQ pages.

In con­trast, shops like HappyBed pro­tect their billing names from being indexed by search engines. In oth­er words, even if some­one Googled the ship­ping or billing name, they wouldn’t find much.


3 Customs labels

Let’s say you’re shop­ping inter­na­tion­al­ly. Does the shop’s FAQ dis­close what’s usu­al­ly on the package’s dec­la­ra­tion of con­tents? Do they leave it at “sil­i­cone sculp­tures” or "pros­thet­ics" or “per­son­al care”?

Or do they tell the read­er that it’s a MASSAGING GIZMO?

Enough said.


4 Additional boxing or wrapping

What hap­pens if some­one opens the box? Hopefully, they’re not greet­ed by prod­uct pack­ag­ing plas­tered with images of scant­i­ly clad bodies.

At the least, a lay­er of bub­ble wrap and tis­sue paper cov­ers that up. But for those want­i­ng an addi­tion­al lay­er of pro­tec­tion, HappyBed offers a dis­guise. They can put your per­son­al plea­sure prod­uct inside a cell phone acces­sories case.

Nothing to see here, folks!


5 The option to pick up at automated lockers

Maybe leav­ing the pack­age unat­tend­ed on your porch is too risky for your com­fort. Someone snoop­ing could still open it. And per­haps you don’t want to rent a whole-ass mail­box just for some spo­radic splurges.

You don’t have to stick to home deliv­ery when buy­ing sex toys online. One option is to buy from a shop that offers UPS Access Point pick­up, like HappyBed.

Choose from one of the service’s thou­sands of loca­tions across the USA, includ­ing UPS stores, CVS, and Michaels.

This deliv­ery method allows you to open the lock­er in your own time, at your dis­cre­tion, and pick up your package.

Once the pack­age is left in a UPS Access Point of your choice, here’s how you retrieve it:

  • Find the touch­screen kiosk near the lockers
  • Search using track­ing num­ber or the info in your deliv­ery notification
  • The kiosk will tell you which lock­er to go to
  • Authorize your pick­up by scan­ning your ID or send­ing a code to your phone

And then the lock­er will open. Voila! Secure the asset.


This post was spon­sored. Use coupon code SUPER15 for 15% off and free 1–3 day ship­ping at HappyBed.

What's your favorite way that shops have got­ten cre­ative­ly discreet?

6 Responses

  1. D. Dyer says:

    This tends to not be a per­son­al con­cern of mine but it’s def­i­nite­ly worth con­sid­er­ing when pur­chas­ing things for part­ners and friends so I appre­ci­ate the struc­ture of hav­ing a series of ques­tions to remind myself to ask.
    I may at some point need to try the remote pick up if only to sat­is­fy my curios­i­ty about how acces­si­ble that process is.

  2. Lynn says:

    Disguising your pur­chase by putting it in a cell phone acces­sories case is rather inge­nious. That would real­ly help fend off snoopers.

  3. Cate says:

    I've had a pack­age from SheVibe end up in my apart­ment leas­ing office instead of my doorstep and I was real­ly glad the return address they list­ed was pret­ty innocuous.

  4. JB says:

    One issue I’ve had with a lack of dis­creet ship­ping is with war­ran­ty replace­ment prod­ucts. Even though the orig­i­nal pack­age was non­de­script, the replace­ment pack­age has the brand name as the return address or oth­er indi­ca­tors. It’s not a huge con­cern for me, and I am obvi­ous­ly hap­py that com­pa­nies hon­or their war­ran­ty, but I do won­der what about the war­ran­ty ful­fill­ment process caus­es this lack of dis­cre­tion to happen.

  5. Courtney says:

    I was real­ly hap­py to read about being able to pick up my pack­age. I've had a few instances of pack­age theft but luck­i­ly none of them involved plea­sure tools or any­thing that wasn't eas­i­ly replaced.

  6. Maria says:

    Oh man, there were some pack­ages that were embar­rass­ing to pick up from my college's mailroom…then again I guess they deal with that a lot lol

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