The sec­ond time I ever got stoned, I had orgasms for 20 min­utes straight. It hap­pened about five years ago— at the time, I thought it was an unusu­al occur­rence for my body. However, I've since cul­ti­vat­ed my orgasms to the point where back-​to-​back mul­ti­ples for extend­ed peri­ods are the norm for me.

Here are some basic ways I (a per­son with a vul­va and vagi­na) have made my orgasms more expan­sive. Your mileage may vary; the best orgasms are whichev­er ones you (and con­sen­su­al part­ners) enjoy. But as always, much of refin­ing sex­u­al expe­ri­ences involves build­ing on your foun­da­tion with vari­ety and exploration.

Tips to Try in the Moment, During Play

1. Find a clitoral toy that steadily overwhelms by just the right amount

Among my sex geeky friends, I'm not alone in expe­ri­enc­ing extend­ed orgasms. One friend often has orgasms for five min­utes straight using the Magic Wand Rechargeable with a G‑spotty wand attach­ment. Another had an orgasm for 15 min­utes by using the ultra-​rumbly LELO Smart Wand Large while her part­ner spanked her.

I'm a fan of the Eroscillator and the Magic Wand Plus  and a few oth­er wands — they all yield long and intense orgasms for me. The Magic Wands are more pow­er­ful, but the Eroscillator is more tar­get­ed, and its side-​to-​side oscil­la­tions sub­jec­tive­ly feel deep­er to me. It's a dif­fer­ent type of pow­er. And though I think squirt­ing is over­rat­ed, it hap­pens far more nat­u­ral­ly to me with the Eroscillator than the Magic Wand.

Both the Magic Wand Plus and Eroscillator plug into the wall, so I can keep using them (almost) indef­i­nite­ly with­out wor­ry­ing about bat­ter­ies dying out. (Why almost? Because the Magic Wand Plus auto­mat­i­cal­ly shuts off after 20 con­sec­u­tive min­utes of use. But you can imme­di­ate­ly turn it back on.)

2. Tone down stimulation after orgasm and ramp it back up

If you find your­self too sen­si­tive after an orgasm to even think about con­tin­u­ing with a pow­er­ful wand, try to lever­age that ten­den­cy. Continue stim­u­la­tion but start the next "wave" of sen­sa­tion gen­tly, increase the inten­si­ty, and drop it back down right after the peak. The result for me is mul­ti­ple orgasms that blend and feel like one big one.

When a cer­vi­cal orgasm dips toward the plateau, that could mean hold­ing the dil­do (or hav­ing a part­ner hold his hips) in place to bot­tom me out and press into my pos­te­ri­or fornix— then giv­ing a few thrusts and maybe increas­ing speed until I come again. And repeat. Likewise for with a G‑spot dil­do, except instead of push­ing it all the way in, I'd keep it shal­low, tilt it more steeply, and main­tain sta­tion­ary pres­sure before ramp­ing the thrust­ing back up.

With a cli­toral orgasm, that could mean turn­ing the speed down, adjust­ing pres­sure, or posi­tion­ing dif­fer­ent­ly for more dif­fuse sen­sa­tion. For exam­ple, my cli­toris appre­ci­ates the Dame Kip's sharp edge and the Zumio's fine point for reach­ing orgasm, but imme­di­ate­ly after­ward, I need some­thing broad­er, like the flat sides of the Kip or the Zumio's stem. With a fin­ger against my clit, I'd pre­fer slow­ing down and switch­ing from the fin­ger­tip to the pad of the fin­ger, and switch­ing back when speed­ing up.

3. Combine clitoral stimulation with a girthy dildo or plug

Girthy dil­dos press against the legs of the inter­nal cli­toris and give the pelvic floor mus­cles some resis­tance to clench around. Pretty much any fat dil­do (or penis) will serve this pur­pose, but here are my favorite pussy plugs.

Long-Term Habits for Better Orgasms

Big, bold orgasms often go hand-​in-​hand with good sex and Kegel exer­cis­es for me. As such, it's a good time to recap some of my past posts.

4. Keep your pelvic floor in shape by doing Kegel exercises

The pelvic floor mus­cles con­tract dur­ing orgasm. So the stronger they are (espe­cial­ly the pub­o­coc­cygeal mus­cle), the more intense the orgasms. Keeping them in shape also increas­es cir­cu­la­tion to the vagi­na and vul­va, enhanc­ing sen­sa­tion and mak­ing it eas­i­er to reach orgasm in the first place.

Other ben­e­fits I've men­tioned before include "a strong enough grip to crack a friend’s fin­ger and easy enough relax­ation to take a dil­do big­ger than a soda can."

If you can eas­i­ly iso­late your pelvic floor mus­cles (imag­ine you have to go to the bath­room soon and are clench­ing to hold it in), the eas­i­est way to exer­cise them is to squeeze them for as long as you com­fort­ably can, relax for a few sec­onds, and repeat. If you can't tell whether you're doing it prop­er­ly, con­sid­er try­ing small weights you can put in before a show­er, or an elec­tros­tim­u­la­tion vibra­tor to send elec­tri­cal impuls­es to the muscles.

Disclaimer: Kegels aren't for every­body! Some peo­ple like myself ben­e­fit more from relax­ation exer­cis­es and deep breath­ing. When in doubt, con­sult a pelvic floor therapist.

5. Medibate with breath and energy play

Amazing sex involves so much more than the gen­i­tals— breath, mus­cle ten­sion, and men­tal focus all orches­trate the expe­ri­ence. For that rea­son, I cred­it Barbara Carellas' book, Urban Tantra, for tak­ing my sex life to the next lev­el. More specif­i­cal­ly, there's a sec­tion where she instructs how to have orgasms by breath­ing and clench­ing your PC mus­cles while visu­al­iz­ing ener­gy cir­cu­la­tion through the chakras (ener­getic points in the body).

To some, this sacred sex­u­al­i­ty tech­nique might sound super woo-​woo. To me, it's an active prac­tice in scan­ning the body at sug­gest­ed ref­er­ence points and prac­tic­ing aware­ness of my phys­i­o­log­i­cal state. And that has only ever helped me boost my orgasms overall.

If you're curi­ous and would like to learn more, here are more resources on breath and ener­gy orgasms:

• The Urban Tantra book
• Annie Sprinkle's guide
• Barbara Carellas's quick guide
• Martha Tara Lee's video demonstration

TL;DR

I often write about hav­ing long orgasms, but as with any­thing else in sex, I had to learn how to do that. I'm a sex geek on many lev­els, and I've tried many, many things from the pure­ly phys­i­cal to the woo-​woo. If big­ger orgasms are what you seek, I hope read­ing about my jour­ney gave you a few shortcuts.

What are your favorite techniques and habits for boosting your orgasms?

---

Hey! Betty's Toy Box spon­sored this post. All opin­ions expressed in this post are my own, as always.