Hot Octopuss Pulse III solo review: powerful vibrator for penises
“How was the orgasm [with the Hot Octopuss Pulse III] on a scale from 1-10?” I asked my boyfriend, “1 being your typical jack-off session and 10 being my orgasms when I’m getting fisted.”
“Well, that’s a high standard to compare any orgasm to, but probably a 4.”
What is the Pulse III?
First, the Pulse III is a vibrator for penises. Hot Octopuss calls it a “guybrator,” but there are women with penises or enlarged clitorises who would benefit from using it, as well as nonbinary people. The second thing you need to know is that Hot Octopuss‘s vibrations are rumbly AF. Like the Eroscillator, the Pulse III achieves the rumble by rapidly swiveling and oscillating rather than vibrating.
Such quality power doesn’t come cheap (and is often loud, for that matter). But a 4 out of 10 is pretty dang impressive by our calibration. For context, when I get fisted or use a dildo the circumference of a soda can, I’m screaming like I’m pushing a baby out. In the best way possible. A 10 is the kind of orgasm that makes people with penises jealous and almost want to give up their male privilege. Anything that lets a penis experience a 4/10 without any extra effort is worth spreading the word.
“[Using the Pulse III] was pretty intense,” my boyfriend commented. “It wasn’t just the orgasm, but also the build-up. It’s like edging, but more constant and easier to maintain.”
How to use the Hot Octopuss Pulse III
The design is ergonomic for holding the oscillating plate against the frenulum of the penis. There are “wings” that wrap around the penis, but don’t expect them to provide much stimulation. They’re mostly there to keep the vibrator in place with less effort. You can enjoy the vibrations without always gripping tightly.
The Hot Octopuss Pulse III is decidedly not a stroker. However, you can pair the vibrations with stroking. My boyfriend uses the Pulse III while pulling his foreskin, stretching his frenulum, and stroking his shaft with small movements. His penis’s head, meanwhile, grinds on the texture on the inside.
He doesn’t use long strokes with the Pulse III because the vibrations are so strong that they veil his usual masturbatory movements. The small strokes enhance the vibration, rather than vibrations strengthening the typical jack-off motion.
And the beauty of a not-stroker is that you can have just as much fun using it while flaccid as when erect. Using the Pulse III in this way can substantially expand the sexual repertoire of someone with erectile dysfunction.
Comparison with other strong vibrators
The Pulse III plate’s strong vibrations are easy to aim, and at the same time, more comfortable to hold against my boyfriend’s penis than the Eroscillator. In contrast, the Eroscillator tended to wobble and was too pinpoint for my boyfriend to aim at the area he wanted.
We also used the earth-quaking BMS Factory Swan Wand. It’s about the same price as the Pulse III, with comparable vibrations. But it just couldn’t measure up to the Pulse III’s ease of use and my boyfriend gave up. Yes, you can use an ultra-rumbly wand for the same purpose, but the Pulse III was far more intuitive to hold in place.
When you try to hold two phallic things together, they just kind of roll against each other. Add some lube, and you’re in Slick City. My boyfriend got frustrated trying to use the Swan Wand on his penis and gave up.
Lube doesn’t ever get in the way when trying to hold the Pulse III in place. Instead, it provides a different sensation, allowing the textures on the inside of the vibrator to coast against the penis. A conventional external vibrator can’t get him off, but the Hot Octopuss Pulse III can. It’s a game-changer for people with penises looking for a new route to orgasm.
(Oh, and it actually works, unlike the piece of shit known as the MysteryVibe Crescendo.)
Controls, settings, and charging
I appreciate the 3-button control panel: one turns the toy on/off and cycles through the patterns, a second one increases the speed, and the last decreases the speed. As well, if you hold the “increase” button, it turns on “turbo” mode, i.e., quickly switches to the fastest steady vibrations. There are 6 patterns and 9 speeds to combine.
The Pulse III doesn’t come without quirks, though. First, its buttons are stiffer than I would hope. On occasion, I would think I pressed the button, but nothing would happen. And second, it’s the first time that I’ve been annoyed at a magnetic charger. I’ve never had an issue with one before, but the Hot Octopuss Pulse III’s charger is especially fiddly and doesn’t easily stay in place.
Just make sure you check the light occasionally while charging to ensure that the magnets are connected. 3 hours of charging gets you up to 1 hour of play time. The charger style makes the toy 100% waterproof, but this is standard for a luxury toy.
Overall verdict on the Hot Octopuss Pulse III
My boyfriend appreciated the gift and will continue to use it, but it’s a luxury item that he would never shell out the cash to buy himself. In the long run, it can’t replace the long motions of a jack-off, and that’s because it’s just so different. That’s the point— to be something novel and fresh.
If you want a more compact and affordable penis vibrator, consider the Hot Octopuss Pocket Pulse or Pocket Pulse Remote. The Pocket Pulses use conventional vibrations instead of oscillations, and there aren’t any horizontal ridges on the inside. However, Hot Octopuss’s motors are generally very powerful, even without the PulsePlate Technology™.
If you have the budget and you’re looking to treat yourself, though, the Hot Octopuss Pulse III‘s oscillations are fitting of the price tag. It’s a well-made product with strong vibrations and a solid design that yields orgasms many people with penises only imagine.