Three girthy Goliaths vs. my gorilla grip — and what they tell us about sex toy industry trends.

Huge dil­dos are get­ting the glo­ry they deserve. While arguably still kinky, they don't car­ry as much stig­ma as they used to, in part due to the boom of free­lance adult mod­el­ing plat­forms and the nature of social media virality.

Posting pic­tures of soda can-​sized dil­dos on social media wows the crowd — whether they love it or hate it, it gets the gab going. Can that con­tent cre­ator con­sume that? I sure can.

And if XR Brands, Blush, and Evolved Novelties are get­ting in on the girth gold rush, it's a sign that enor­mous insertable per­vert­ibles are not as obscure a fetish as they used to be.

These mass man­u­fac­tur­ers released two takes on the same shape:

• Blush's Dr. Skin Dr. Brody is a slick and squishy flesh-​toned thruster for a (rel­a­tive­ly) real­is­tic feel
• The Evolved Mythical fea­tures firmer for­ti­tude, exag­ger­at­ing the feel of every vein

They're super­fi­cial­ly sim­i­lar but awak­en my walls in total­ly dif­fer­ent ways.

Vixen Creations, mean­while, has been doing size­able stretch­es for a long time, with the likes of Randy, Cash, and Gambler — but they decid­ed to take their inti­mate inno­va­tions to the next lev­el with the triple-den­si­ty VixSkin X Bronco. Its care­ful­ly lay­ered sil­i­cone takes a detour from their dual-​density for­mu­las, adding an unexpected(ly explo­sive) twist for me.

I'll com­pare these three dick­ma­tiz­ing dil­dos, not only in terms of shape and size, but also how they make me feel — how they meld on my walls is very dif­fer­ent from an over­sim­pli­fied, "one's firmer than the other.”

I find each of these dil­dos dis­tinct in which fea­tures flash the bright­est and how aggres­sive­ly they beat and bul­ly my insides.

Ready for it?

Welcome to my lat­est fer­al field notes on colos­sal cocks. I hope you take plea­sure in my pulse read of the sex toy industry.

I want to scream. I need after­care with the Mythical and Bronco X because woaaaahhh.

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Blush Dr. Brody vs. Evolved Mythical Shape & Size

These two mass man­u­fac­tur­ers looked at the exact same sculpt but but went off in dif­fer­ent direc­tions and inter­pre­ta­tions of what's hot.

Here's what Blush's Dr. Brody and the Evolved Mythical mod­els have in com­mon, as well as where they differ.

Same Silhouette

• A some­what swelling shaft (think of a base­ball bat, but more subtle)
• A defined, shelf-​like coro­na at a damn near 90 degrees to the dip underneath
• Lightly creased, retract­ed foreskin
• Some slight­ly car­toon­ish veins, but noth­ing too wild. I love that — they're styl­ized but not bla­tant­ly fake.
• Round, smooth, abstract­ed testes. Perky. Think win­ter balls with­out the wrinkle.

That head is seri­ous, omg. It's tapered, so it fits well behind my cervix, but your mileage may vary. Let's look at how it mea­sures up — literally.

Size & Stretch Stats

• 9” total length
• 7” insertable length
• 2.3” max­i­mum diam­e­ter across the head and shaft
• 1.9” min­i­mum diam­e­ter under the head and near the base of the shaft
• 3.1” wide suc­tion cup (3.5” when in use)
• Two-​button remote controls

Despite the iden­ti­cal shape and size, Blush's Dr. Brody and the Evolved Mythical feel like I'm inter­act­ing with two very dif­fer­ent characters.

The for­mer wooed me, and the oth­er over­whelmed me.

Pick your play­er: would you rather have a lover or a brute?

Dr. Skin Dr. Brody Dildo by Blush Novelties

Self-​thrusting | 0.8" stroke length | 3 steady speeds | 6 patterns

First Impressions

Oh my gosh­h­hh, Blush Novelties knows what they're doing with this cur­rent pulse read on the toy indus­try — a super squishy, girthy self-​thrusting dil­do that actu­al­ly some­what holds up against my goril­la grip coochie?!

And by squishy, I don't mean squishy by man­u­fac­tured dil­do stan­dards. I mean actu­al­ly squishy even by indie stan­dards. Dare I say it feels like a Shore 0030 — like gum­my can­dy that's luke­warm or been in the sun just a little?

How does the sum of the parts feel in my hands? I love squeez­ing the soft tip and stretchy shaft "skin" cov­er­ing the motor­ized thrust­ing "skele­ton" — obvi­ous­ly, it's not real­is­tic at the bot­tom half of the shaft, but close enough. (Talk about a boner.)

How It Feels In Use

Putting Dr. Brody in, I had to breathe slow­ly, let­ting the tip nudge the entrance to warm up.

But I didn't only want to get it in; I also want­ed to savor it. So I tried twist­ing it, and that corona's ver­ti­cal gripped on my front wall, mak­ing me cum more quick­ly than expected.

And that's just the tip.

Once I got it in, I lever­aged the suc­tion cup and thruster against a hard­cov­er book on my bed — it wasn't long before I stared off into space, feel­ing fucked and dazed.

The ini­tial inten­si­ty of the head wowed me — I'd high­ly rec­om­mend the thrust­ing mech­a­nism for G‑spotting if you can already han­dle enor­mous girth.

While it slowed when I went in deep­er for A‑spotting, it con­tin­ued expand­ing and con­tract­ing inside me, even if with small­er thrusts.

The orgasm was eye-​rollingly hyp­not­ic, like waves of rap­ture. Like we were in sync and mov­ing togeth­er. Its squish yield­ed and it felt like an equal part­ner — think “Dee's Big Daddy Dallas lite” — just as soft, a bit more pre­cise, but just as poetic.

Dr. Brody feels like it's col­lab­o­rat­ing with me, like it's gen­tly tak­ing me to the peak, over it, and rid­ing waves along the plateau.

How's the Remote Control?

I usu­al­ly don't care for sim­ple vibra­tor remote con­trols — go hard with the Bluetooth or go home — but it was a good choice with girthy toys.

Why?

With a big diam­e­ter dil­do, the user might find it eas­i­er to low­er their weight for enough force to open up, com­pared to hand-​thrusting. Plus, Dr. Brody's one built-​in but­ton is on the bot­tom of the base — rather incon­ve­nient to mess with if you're riding.

The remote man­ages this beau­ti­ful­ly and adds to the expe­ri­ence: two but­tons allow for inde­pen­dent con­trol of the vibra­tions and thrusting.

Now, remem­ber that “lover or brute" choice I men­tioned? Dr. Brody's a babe, and Mythical's a bul­ly­ing bad­die ready to break me.

Use code SUPERSMASHCACHE for 10% off your order at Peepshow Toys.

Mythical XL Vibrating Dildo by Evolved Novelties

4 STEADY SPEEDS | 5 PATTERNS

Evolved Novelties went some­what the fan­ta­sy route with, as the name sug­gests, myth­i­cal mauves and Malibu beach blue.

Don't under­es­ti­mate it, though.

It's firmer and bold­er, like hear­ing the shim­mery tenor voice of a fairy from the build of a line­backer. Even with­out bring­ing out my durom­e­ter, it reminds me of the shore 12A of the BMS Naked Addiction Roman or some of the mass-​made ten­ta­cle dil­dos.

And it vibrates.

The Mythical dil­do den­si­ty got aggres­sive inside me.

Filling me way up, like there's no room left for it to thrust inside me, like the pres­sure on my walls puts me exact­ly at my break point.

How the Firmness Felt In Use

I had a hard­er time get­ting the Evolved Mythical in — short, some­what slow thrusts, like my cunt was fight­ing against any move­ment at first — before lock­ing it against my walls.

The veins boomed their pres­ence — dou­bly so when I turned the vibra­tions on.

“Oh, thank good­ness the three speeds are spaced so close­ly,” I thought at first.

Then I held down the “increase speed" but­ton and dis­cov­ered its Turbo Mode.

Hello, over­stim­u­la­tion. Even pat­terns were enough to make me cum.

I want­ed to cry cum­ming on it again. I both did and did not want to stop.

The girth, the stretch, hav­ing some­thing to clench around put me on the edge. And if the diam­e­ter didn't take me over, the vibra­tions fuck­ing shoved me.

It feels like it's fill­ing me way up, like there's no room left for the Mythical to thrust inside me, like the pres­sure on my walls puts me exact­ly at my break point — where one espe­cial­ly hard clench could push me over the edge, let alone sev­er­al deep breaths paired with the vibra­tion or, of course, what­ev­er slid­ing I can do.

(My walls reflex­ive­ly grip and want to crush whatever's inside me — thus begin­ning my predica­ment of cum­ming once, then a sec­ond time with­out even think­ing about it, and a third time, and so on.)

I usu­al­ly don't care for pat­terns, but these set­tings feel like a fuck­ing lot. Most of the rhythms feel like time for me to catch my breath until the next orgasm.

Am I Taking or Consuming a Colossal Cock?

Who's the aggres­sor here?

The Dr. Skin Dr. Brody dil­do feels like it's col­lab­o­rat­ing with me, gen­tly tak­ing me to the peak, over it, and rid­ing the waves along the plateau.

Mythical and Bronco X (up next) almost feel vio­lent in the way they're bash­ing and bul­ly­ing the orgasms out of me, whether I want to or not.

(Let's be real: when it comes to pen­e­tra­tion, you've nev­er known me to want less.)

And when I can get some slid­ing in with the Mythical, it's over for my A‑spot. I want­ed to cry cum­ming on it again. I both did and did not want to stop.

Or at least, I thought I did until I got the VixSkin X Bronco inside.

Whereas the Mythical fucked my brains out by bul­ly­ing my walls, Bronco X bul­lied my ceiling.

VixSkin X Bronco Triple-Density Dildo Review

Of course, I let it gen­tly work itself in.

Of course, I antic­i­pat­ed the stretch.

But there's get­ting it in, and there's get­ting it in, press­ing on my ceil­ing. That first nudge got me whim­per­ing so bad.

As far as the “con­sum­ing” vs. “tak­ing” dichoto­my goes, Vixskin X is some­where in between with its firm head and soft­er shaft "skin."

For one, I found it more thrustable than the Mythical.

I start­ed whin­ing so quick­ly in response to the cer­vi­cal pres­sure, like I was over­whelmed and beg­ging, "Please, please, please," for relief from being so wound up, even though I knew the orgasms would inevitably be overwhelming.

I feel like spi­ral­ing with it, like my hand con­trol­ling the tem­po and my breath­ing are the main things sav­ing me from this absolute monarch of a master.

VixSkin X Silicone Firmness

To be fair, Vixen's VixSkin X Bronco is less harsh on my walls than the single-​density VixSkin Randy. The for­mer fea­tures soft­er sil­i­cone while being longer and less pro­nounced at the mush­room tip:

• 7.5” total length
• 7” insertable length
• 2.1” wide
• Medium-​firm tip
• Firmer base and core
• Supple slid­ing shaft skin

How It Felt in Use

Whereas the Mythical fucked my brains out by bul­ly­ing my walls, Bronco X bul­lied my ceiling.

At some point, I wasn't so much thrust­ing it any­more as hold­ing it in place, clutch­ing the base against my vul­va, no inch­es left out­side of me, thrash­ing my legs and rolling over, and almost curled up into a ball.

(You know I wouldn't do that with­out imag­in­ing my friend telling me how good I am for keep­ing my legs wide open. "Face me. Don't you dare look away. You're so pret­ty when you break.")

My first impres­sion of Bronco X was that its rel­a­tive­ly firm tip was unrealistic.

Usually, I'd expect a VixSkin dual-​density dil­do head to be soft­er than its com­peti­tors', mea­sur­ing a 2A on a Shore durometer.

That's not the case with the Bronco X.

Think of how engorged, hard, and defined a cut cock gets when it's ready to cum.

Yeah.

VixSkin X Bronco vs. VixSkin Cash

Yeah. The den­si­ty is sig­nif­i­cant­ly dif­fer­ent from that of clas­sic VixSkin.

But it doesn't need to be real­is­tic. Just keep in mind that it's not VixSkin's usu­al soul-​melding sym­pho­ny — e.g., Cash and its abun­dant length press­ing up behind my cervix.

I con­sume Cash. I take Bronco X.

Both get me rolling my eyes back, but at least I feel some­what in con­trol with Cash.

It's the dif­fer­ence between spaced out vs. just los­ing my fac­ul­ties and get­ting des­per­ate. I know it's going to be almost too much.

Almost.

And yet, I still want more.

I feel like spi­ral­ing with it — like my hand con­trol­ling the tem­po and my breath­ing are the main things sav­ing me from this absolute monarch of a master.

Could you imag­ine putting any of these on a fuck­ing machine?

I want to scream.

I need after­care with the Mythical and Bronco X because woaaaahhh.

Girthquake Gold Rush Roadmap

All three of these dil­dos are rough­ly the diam­e­ter of soda cans and — I checked my cal­cu­la­tor just now — rough­ly 12.5% of my height.

All of them get me glazed-​eyed, but it's ulti­mate­ly about how com­fort­ably I want to ride the wave vs. how much I want to over­stim­u­late myself and absolute­ly goon over the dis­com­fort and how undig­ni­fied my whim­per­ing and sobs get.

Could you imag­ine putting the any of these on a fuck­ing machine?

Could you fuck­ing imagine?

That's going to be one of my next stops in my audio review series.

Even just think­ing about it makes me want to cum so bad.

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Where to next?

• Listen in on me test­ing toys
• Browse my oth­er real­is­tic dil­do reviews