FemmeFunn Cadenza self-thrusting dildo pulsator review

If jack­ham­mer­ing your G‑spot sounds appeal­ing to you, then you can't miss this review of the FemmeFunn Cadenza. 

It's anoth­er hand­held fuck­ing machine, made by the same peo­ple who brought us the:

• Fancy AF Bougie Bullet
• Cheap-​but-​powerful FFix and Ultra bul­lets
• Pirouette revolv­ing shaft rabbit

FemmeFunn's motors should be on your radar — they offer some seri­ous pow­er, pack­aged in a femme aesthetic.

In this FemmeFunn Cadenza review

• Features & specifications
• How it feels in use
• Is the Cadenza right for you?
• My ver­dict on the Cadenza

FemmeFunn Cadenza thrusting dildo & pulsator specs

Fittingly, the femmeFunn Cadenza fea­tures a gor­geous, diamond-​textured metal­lic han­dle and silky mat­te sil­i­cone. Its dimen­sions are mod­er­ate: 5.5" insertable length, 9.2" total length, and 1.5" max­i­mum width.

Under the FemmeFunn Cadenza's gen­tle rib­bing and the upturned head is its secret weapon. The motor extends the tip and thumps back-​and-​forth so fast it blurs. I didn't both­er count­ing the FemmeFunn Cadenza's strokes per sec­ond at its 7th (and high­est) set­ting. Just know that it's not vibra­tion — the motor is lin­ear, not rotary — but I wouldn't call the move­ment thrust­ing, either.

The FemmeFunn Cadenza's range of motion is a lit­tle over a cen­time­ter long. For com­par­i­son, the Fun Factory Stronics move up to a half-​inch at a time. Meanwhile, the Velvet Thrusters have the most real­is­tic thrusts of any recharge­able fuck­ing machine I've tried: 2.5 – 3 inch­es, depend­ing on which mod­el you get.

How does the FemmeFunn Cadenza feel in use?

Let's talk about the mech­a­nism. FemmeFunn's thrusters lack the mag­net­ic motors of the Stronics and XR Thump It dil­dos. Nor do they have the Velvet Thrusters' long bar­rel cams.

No — the FemmeFunn Cadenza and Essenza are in the same fam­i­ly as the BMS Naked Addiction 9" Thrusting Dildo. As far as sen­sa­tion goes, some words that come to mind are chop­py, punch­ing, thumpy. It's con­sis­tent but not steady and sinu­soidal like the oth­ers' motors.

That brings us back to my open­ing state­ment: do you want your G‑spot JACKHAMMERED? Because, even though the slow­est set­ting goes at about 48 thrusts per minute, it retains the rough jabbing.

Applying pres­sure does damp­en the range a bit. At the high­er speeds, the move­ment feels more like thud­dy vibra­tion. However, the over­all stac­ca­to qual­i­ty is the same. Thank good­ness for the "decrease speed" but­ton option!

Is the FemmeFunn Cadenza thruster right for you?

Whether the FemmeFunn Cadenza's worth it depends on what you're seek­ing in a hand­held fuck­ing machine.

If it's deep pen­e­tra­tion, then my favorite self-​thrusting dil­do is by far the Velvet Thruster. The BMS Naked Addiction 9" Thrusting Dildo feels good against my A‑spot, too, thanks to its squishy tip, but it's a bit much for my cervix.

If you want G‑spot stim­u­la­tion or oth­er­wise shal­low pen­e­tra­tion, it's a toss-​up between the Fun Factory Stronic Surf and FemmeFunn Cadenza.

I'd say the Stronics have far more ver­sa­tile set­tings, from slow and smooth to a relent­less fin­ger­bang. The Cadenza and Essenza, in con­trast, know no sub­tle­ty. Even when they go slow, they still go hard.

You'll love the FemmeFunn Cadenza if pummeling your G-spot with brute force is your thing.

Oddly enough, it con­verges with the njoy Pure Wand in how it makes me feel. It's like its small, tar­get­ed punch­es could almost vio­lent­ly extract the ejac­u­late from me. (Almost. Powerful cli­toral vibra­tions are still more like­ly to make me gush.)

If you want to squirt, but don't feel like thrust­ing a stain­less steel dil­do, the FemmeFunn Cadenza might be for you. Lay out a squirt blan­ket and enjoy the ride.

Get the FemmeFunn Cadenza thrusting dildo & pulsator.

Take 10% off at Peepshow Toys with my discount code, SUPERSMASHCACHE

The coupon applies sitewide, so knock your­self out! Maybe get a sheet pro­tec­tor and some good lube, as well. <3

Super Smash Cache

PLEASURE PRINCESS. COMPACT, HIGH-​CAPACITY HUMAN. CERVIX SORCERESS.

I've test­ed over 350 sex toys and love div­ing deep for cer­vi­cal orgasms, A‑spot stim­u­la­tion, and kinky odysseys into the subconscious.

Mesmerizing mind­fuck­ing or phys­i­cal fist­ing? Blowing men or minds? Opening books or legs? Why not all of the above?

Read more about me, my phi­los­o­phy, and my love for cer­vi­cal orgasms and deep pen­e­tra­tion.

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