3 of My First Sex Toys (and Better Alternatives I Should Have Gotten Instead)

"Health care gad­gets," read the cus­toms label when I ordered my first dil­dos. $16 for two, shipped from China, paid with a Visa gift card I loaded up because I was too young to have a cred­it card.

Imagine the mini-​heart attack when my mom not only insist­ed on com­ing with me to pick up the par­cel but also asked the post office clerk what was in it.

Luckily, he mis­read the slop­py hand­writ­ing and read aloud, "health care goods." I told my mom it was fan­cy vit­a­mins and skin care because that would explain the con­tents' cylin­dri­cal shape.

It's been 8 years since I got my first two dil­dos. I was almost lucky enough to evade tox­ic jel­ly toys from the start, but I sure have come a long way since then! And I know to check for whether a shop ships sex toys dis­creet­ly.

These weren't all my first three sex toys ever, but they were piv­otal to my sexuality.

1. Generic mushroom-​tipped glass dildo
   • Alternative: Icicles No. 50 or Chrystalino Champ
2. Blush Novelties Scarlet G
3. Purple jel­ly dong
   • Upgrade: Blush Ruse 18 inch dou­ble dildo

1. Generic mushroom-tipped glass dildo

how I discovered cervical orgasms

This was the dil­do that start­ed it all. The "health care gad­get." You might be won­der­ing, "Why glass dil­dos for your first sex toy? Doesn't that hurt?"

For one, glass is a very afford­able, body-​safe mate­r­i­al— per­fect for health-​conscious teen's bud­get. It's pret­ty hard to fuck up the body-​safe qual­i­ty of glass, even if you buy it super, super cheap. In con­trast, shit­ty and porous prod­ucts are often mis­la­beled as sil­i­cone, so I found cheap "sil­i­cone" hard­er to trust.

And no, the glass didn't hurt. At 1.5" wide, it was big for a first-​timer, but the glass is slip­pery, and I found it more com­fort­able than the drag of silicone.

My favorite part was the mushroom-​shaped tip. While I didn't know much about my G‑spot back then, I fol­lowed what made me feel good: thrust­ing the dil­do all the way in, slid­ing behind my cervix.

I felt a com­bi­na­tion of plea­sur­able pul­sat­ing and almost like I had blacked out for a split sec­ond, and I knew with­out a ques­tion that it was my first cer­vi­cal orgasm.

Further reading:

• 11 Ways Glass Dildos Changed My Sex Life

What I'd recommend now: Icicles No. 53 or Chrystalino Champ

The Icicles No. 53 glass dil­do is a good option. It's not exact­ly the same as the dil­do I had, but its length, width, and head shape are a close match. And the tex­ture is mild enough that I prob­a­bly could have used it as my first toy.

If you want some­thing smoother and flat­ter to more eas­i­ly slide behind the cervix, con­sid­er a Chrystalino Champ instead.

I don't advo­cate going all-​in with a dil­do before try­ing a cli­toral vibra­tor, but I was hap­py with using just fin­gers on my clit at the time, and that was the route I took.

2. Blush Novelties Scarlet G

how I started appreciating vibrators clitorally

At age 19, I still had some weird AF hang-​ups about my sex­u­al response. Deep down, I believed that vibra­tors would desen­si­tize my cli­toris, and I avoid­ed them externally.

I was, how­ev­er, on a mis­sion to squirt and okay with using a vibra­tor against my G‑spot. It sounds so illog­i­cal when look­ing back, but it demon­strates how much I believed that orgasms via pen­e­tra­tion were superior.

Funny enough, nei­ther of the toys that end­ed up mak­ing me squirt are G‑spot toys.

Frankly, the Scarlet G's shape frus­trat­ed me when I first tried it. I didn't under­stand that G‑spot toys don't nec­es­sar­i­ly do all of the work for you. Even if you already know where your G‑spot is, there's still a learn­ing curve as you fig­ure out the best way to aim a toy.

And, frus­trat­ed, I went ahead and used the vibra­tor exter­nal­ly any­way. I'd feel weird about it after­wards and wor­ry about my sen­si­tiv­i­ty (which inevitably took my mind off of plea­sure). And then I'd still use it on my clit! It even­tu­al­ly got to the point where I was like, "You know what? This feels great. And if I even­tu­al­ly get to the point where I need a vibra­tor to orgasm, so be it. I can always buy anoth­er one."

3. Fat purple jelly dong

how I discovered the sex bloggersphere

Luckily, I only used this tox­ic toy once before some­one found it and threw it away. Basically, I had built up a HUGE fol­low­ing on FetLife at the time and start­ed hav­ing sub­by inter­net guys buy me gifts. I felt weird ask­ing for expen­sive toys, so I put a bunch of jel­ly things on my wish list.

Once it arrived, I (right­ful­ly) didn't trust it. Well, it says "phthalate-​free" on the pack­age, so it should be fine, right? (Wrong. There's no label reg­u­la­tion.) Well, it doesn't make my tongue go numb or tin­gle when lick it, so it should be fine, right? Wrong.

I KNOW. That's advice that I've actu­al­ly seen on the inter­net, and I think "does not imme­di­ate­ly cause harm or con­cern" such a low stan­dard. I won­dered, "what the fuck even IS jel­ly?" and end­ed up find­ing 374598347594835 sex blog­gers telling me the truth about tox­ic toys.

The truth is that even if some­thing isn't imme­di­ate­ly appar­ent­ly wrong, porous toys har­bor bac­te­ria, yeast, and mildew over time. And if that wasn't gross enough, tox­ic toys leech oil and plas­tic soft­en­er. Yep.

What I'd recommend instead:

Ruse 18 Inch Double Dildo by Blush Novelties

The Blush Novelties Ruse 18 Inch Silicone Double Dildo is made of body-​safe sil­i­cone, mean­ing it will last a life­time with prop­er care. In con­trast, jel­ly dil­dos grow mildew, fall melt, and fall apart, need­ing to be replaced far more often.

Though the Ruse 18-​inch dou­ble dong costs more than a jel­ly toy, it ends up cost­ing less in the long run. Plus, the price is entire­ly fair for some­thing that won't give you chem­i­cal burns.

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update

I've test­ed four dif­fer­ent sil­i­cone dou­ble dil­dos for vagi­nal DP and com­pared them!

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Blush Silicone Willy's 8" Remote Control, or anything from the Silicone Willy's line

Blush Novelties has a whooole line of afford­able, body-​safe, rep­re­sen­ta­tion­al dil­dos, includ­ing non-​vibrating ones of dif­fer­ent sizes for super cheap.

The Silicone Willy's 8" Remote Control's cost is com­pa­ra­ble to big "real­is­tic" vibrat­ing dil­dos on the mar­ket. Heck, it costs less than some of the TPE, TPR, and "Cyberskin" vibra­tors I've seen. But it's total­ly body-​safe and will last way longer.

AND it's thick AF (1.75" diam­e­ter) to clench around intense­ly when I come, but with a for­giv­ing out­er lay­er. It's one of many afford­able options from Blush for some­one look­ing to lev­el up in size. I was already pret­ty com­fort­able with pen­e­tra­tion by the time I used sex toys, so this would have been fine for me.

The vibra­tions are pret­ty weak by my finicky stan­dards, but you know what? For a BIG, real­is­tic dil­do, I'm okay with that. It was fair­ly priced for a girthy sil­i­cone dildo.

There are plen­ty of more average-​sized, non-​vibrating options to choose from, for those who are rel­a­tive­ly new to penetration.

Shop real­is­tic vibra­tors and dil­dos from Blush Novelties.

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Hey, heads up!

Some of these prod­ucts were sent to me in exchange for my hon­est and freely-​given opin­ion. As well, I use affil­i­ate links through­out this post. They bring me a com­mis­sion at no extra cost to you and help keep this web­site running!

You can find a huge selec­tion of oth­er body-​safe toys at SheVibe.