7 Steamy Skills For Soft Dominant Dirty Talk
Torment with pleasure and discipline with praise.
Soft Domination can have a hard-hitting psychological impact with tears of overwhelm and ecstasy — no chains or whips necessary. Our focus here is the brain and cunning linguistics.
So you want to talk dirty like the guys women write smutty romance novels about?
Consider reading this soft Domination 101 guide when you're alone. It includes specific examples of things to say to a submissive, including positive reinforcement, gentle degradation, and a list of adjectives and pet names. We're keeping it (mostly) slow, sensual, and sweet here.
1. Pre-gaming negotiations and intentions
Pre-gaming is essential to dirty talking like a soft Dominant, and for more than one reason:
- You get in your partner's head to learn their turn-ons, turn-offs, and motivations.
- You set intentions for the feelings you'd like to elicit in them.
- You expand on their “Fuck yes” to build tension and anticipation, leaving them wanting more. We'll discuss that in the next section.
Does your submissive partner want to feel out of control of their orgasms? Helpless? Validated and good? Used like a cum rag? Adored and played with like a premium sex doll dressed up for your viewing pleasure?
Maybe “slut” does nothing for someone or distracts them (or, even worse, triggers them), but they like “doll” and “darling.” Someone else might find “doll” too objectifying.
Either way, a BDSM scene is not the time or place to be making assumptions. So take what resonates and note what doesn't. Build a yes/no/maybe list of terms and phrases from these examples — I'll link a lil spreadsheet with ideas for soft Dom/sub dirty talk pet names and adjectives. Find them in bullet-point text form at the end of the post.
2. Ignite their imagination — what are you about to do?
Once you know what gets someone going and where they'd like to go, turn up the heat.
If you're opting for a slow burn, build enthusiastic consent into dirty talk and vice versa to ensure everyone has a good time.
Here are a few examples:
- I'm thinking about __________. How do you feel about that?
- Are you asking for me to fuck the sass out of you?
- I can't wait to _________ tonight.
- I'd love to see you _________ while I _________.
- Tell me what you want. I want to hear you say it.
I love the first one because if you know your submissive well and fill in the blank with something they like, just the way they like it, it dangles the treat in front of their face. You could apply that figuratively or literally.
It's also a sexy way to ask for consent, giving them an out if they'd rather do something else. They can keep the tension by filling in the blanks with their version of filth.
- Well, I'm thinking about ________.
- I'd get wetter/cum harder if we ________.
- That does nothing for me, and I'd rather _______.
- (Harsher than the previous two? Sure. But it helps pivot in the case of someone mildly misreading the situation.)
Pleasure is imminent
Once the ball is rolling, you can shift the focus from the farther future to the imminent with dirty talk phrases like:
- You ready for the tip, sweetheart? I'll make it fit.
- It's not enough until we're hip-to-hip. (Followed by immediately grabbing them and going all the way in.)
- Bend over for me, and I'll _______.
- Beg for it, and I'll give you more.
- I'll show you where my cum belongs.
3. Add affectionate possessiveness to something dirty
That last bit about where things belong is just one way to show loving possession in a soft Domination context. Adding “my” before an otherwise harsh or objectifying sentiment hits differently:
- My fuckable cum sleeve
- My trembling fuck puppet
- My breedable bimbo slut
- My ready and willing incubator
- Your hips belong against mine, and mine only
- Doesn't this dick feel like it was made just for your walls?
Why does that subtle change have such a different connotation?
Perhaps because ownership of an object you chose implies care and attention.
It may show deepening vulnerability between you and your partner, making it more about the connection where their (darker, possibly repressed, conflicting) wants are seen, understood, anticipated, and attended to.
It could also play on the “corruption” theme, where you are The One who coaches them to be good at being bad. There's so much at play, and everyone's a little different. (We could dig deeper into shame and go hardcore, but this post is about soft Domination, so we'll keep that our focus.)
4. Tell them what you're doing — and how much they love it
Dirty talk during sex helps guide them to stay present and focused on the intended pleasurable feeling — especially if they're deep in subspace. Use the power of suggestion to amplify the effect and show them that you're in control.
- Yeah? You like it when I spread your lips apart and rub my pre-cum on that clit?
- You're getting wetter every time I ________.
- Awwww, you're shaking with my fingers inside you. Do you want more?
- There you go. You're doing such a good job of taking it, darling.
5. Combine orders and praise with teasing
Remember that the “D” in “BDSM” isn't just about Dominance/submission but also discipline. Domination can involve giving orders, but reward and punishment are key to codifying desired behavior.
For those with a praise kink, positive reinforcement helps your submissive:
- Crave your affection
- Want to do the associated action more
- Earn your attention and adoration.
Good behavior, reward, dopamine. Combine this part with affectionate possession if you'd like:
- You're such a good, obedient fuck doll.
- Look at your pretty lips wrapped around this big cock.
- You look so beautiful with my hand filling your tiny cunt.
- I'm so proud of you for admitting you're a desperate slut who needs to be filled up.
- Look at those pretty eyes glazed over like a dumb bimbo bitch in heat.
- You're so cute when you beg for it.
- Awww, good _____. Was that so difficult?
6. Tease or jab, paired with endearment
Rub in how out-of-control or helpless they feel, if that's the intended effect — great for someone who prides themselves on control or intelligence in “real life.” Similarly, “my slut” might be more evocative for someone with a lot of shame around pleasure.
Have fun with it, but make it clear that the focus is pleasure (whether yours or theirs) and that you're delighted to be playing with how bad they want it:
- You're so needy, princess. You've been wanting it so bad.
- Baby, what's wrong? Tell me what you want.
- Use your words, dear. I know you can do it.
- You're so desperate for this cock, aren't you, darling?
- I can't hear you. If you want to cum, you'll have to beg louder, honey.
- Awwwwww, this brainless, realistic sex doll's moans sound so sweet.
- You're just here to be fucked and bred. No need to say anything, sweetheart.
7. Debrief and recap what you did
So your sub is a glazed mess of fluids right now. The time for snuggles, back rubs, and replaying fond memories! This section's questions are mostly a copypaste from my previous post: To Rock My World, Stop Asking, "Did You Cum?"
- It was so hot when we ____. Did you feel that, too?”
- What did you like?
- What do you think? Better than last time? (And follow up with a compare/contrast.)
- I noticed your face ____ when I ____. Can we talk about that?
- Did you prefer ____ or ____? … What makes that feel good for you?
- I loved ____. Can we do that again soon?
What's the appeal? "[These questions] encourage a mental replay of the most recent session, scanning for the hottest clips and soundbites to savor the memory," I wrote in my previous post. The principles are the same.
If it was an especially intense scene, though, throw in some extra affection. "You're doing such a good job" turns into, "You did such a good job, doll."
Yup, this post was sponsored. Shop TPE sex dolls at BestRealDoll. The writing and opinions expressed in this post are my own. Surely you could tell that I had fun creating it.
Soft Dom/sub pet names and adjectives
This last section is for the sub: journal about it, or make a spreadsheet if you'd like!
If you've discovered something new about wordplay that turns you on, you might want to:
- Celebrate this experience (and maybe more to come!)
- Record it somewhere for your future self (and partners) to look back on.
Here's a quick list of adjectives and pet names to turn into a yes/no/maybe list. Write down how positively or negatively you feel about them.
Download the PDF or take a look through the list below. Some pairings synergize more than others; as always, consider it a starting point. I've left a blank page for you to fill in with your terms, themes, and acts.
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I've tested over 350 sex toys and love diving deep for cervical orgasms, A‑spot stimulation, and kinky odysseys into the subconscious.
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