Uberrime Night King review: long fantasy dildo

The Uberrime Night King dil­do feels like it was made just for me. I have all but died and come back to earth from heaven.

I'd clutch it hiss­ing, "PRECIOUS" if any­one tried to take it.

Because, if you love tex­ture and cervix stim­u­la­tion, this sil­i­cone dil­do is the fuck­ing truth.

When Peepshow Toys first showed me the Night King, my reac­tion was imme­di­ate: "It's so pret­ty, I want to DIE!" A pro­fes­sion­al choice of words when email­ing a busi­ness affil­i­ate, I know.

UPDATE FOR NOVEMBER 21, 2022: Want the same size but in a real­is­tic dil­do form? See my new Uberrime Aptus review!

UPDATE FOR MARCH 6, 2019: To cel­e­brate the begin­ning of the final sea­son of Game of Thrones, Uberrime has made Fire-​and-​Ice-​themed Night Kings! They'll be a fade with roy­al blue on the bot­tom half and red and yel­low on the top half. And the sil­i­cone is slight­ly squishi­er. Find them at Peepshow Toys!

In this review:

• How does the Night King look?
• How does the Night King feel?
• Textures and G‑spot stimulation
• Cervix stim­u­la­tion with the Night King

How does the Uberrime Night King look?

Every aspect of the Uberrime Night King's design is impec­ca­ble. The Game of Thrones-​inspired col­or palette syn­er­gizes. And if see­ing it from afar wasn't enough, the inky Nebula Blue in the bot­tom half has fine pur­ple glit­ter dust mixed in.

My Night King's tight­ly struc­tured, ribbon-​like mar­bling on the bot­tom half looks delib­er­ate. It looks like the mak­er has mar­bled sil­i­cone for a long time. I wasn't at all sur­prised to read Marco Uberrime's "about" page and see the following:

 I rather enjoy sculpt­ing, play­ing with col­ors and abstract shapes and com­bi­na­tions … There is a deep sense of grat­i­fi­ca­tion in hand mak­ing and I strive to become bet­ter, explore, and expand with each and every toy I make.

Marco takes pride and plea­sure in his work, and it shows. The end prod­ucts live up to the brand's name, Uberrime: Latin for lux­u­ry, abun­dance, and/​or fruit­ful­ly copious.

How does the Night King feel?

The Night King I have is mod­er­ate­ly firm (Dragon Skin Shore 10A). It's firm by fan­ta­sy dil­do stan­dards but springy by mine. I wouldn't have asked for any­thing else. The firm­ness brings out the Night King's best fea­tures: the tex­tures against my G‑spot, and the curve against my cervix.

Textures and G‑spot stimulation

The Uberrime Night King has tex­tures galore! Its head is double-​crowned, giv­ing it a sat­is­fy­ing pop dur­ing shal­low pen­e­tra­tion when I jig­gle it against my G‑spot.

On the side that the curve faces, there's ver­ti­cal and diag­o­nal tex­ture on the shaft. It wib­bles and wob­bles into more hor­i­zon­tal rip­ples as you turn the dil­do. This works out per­fect­ly for me— I like big rip­ples with spac­ing between, as well as ver­ti­cals and diag­o­nals I can twist.

You can also rub the tex­tures against what­ev­er junk you have. The extra long shaft can bend to stim­u­late the cli­toris while thrust­ing, to wrap around a penis, and so on.

For me, though, the most potent mag­ic hap­pens when you go deeper.

Cervix stimulation with the Night King

You see that grad­ual but pro­nounced curve? There's no ignor­ing how eas­i­ly, effort­less­ly the curve and girth mas­sage my pos­te­ri­or fornix (also known as the PFE or Deep Spot). It brings out my favorite kind of orgasm: the cer­vi­cal orgasm. Deep, full-​bodied, expan­sive­ly build­able, and full of spell­bind­ing heart-​eyes-​emoji voodoo.

This lev­el of ease for cervix stim­u­la­tion is quite rare in Toyland. Sure, I've reviewed some toys that could reach my slightly-​shallower A‑spot (about 5 inch­es in), or my very shal­low G‑spot. And tech­ni­cal­ly, any long toy could fit into my pos­te­ri­or fornix, but expe­ri­ence has shown that toys can slide in there but miss the spot that makes me weak at the knees.

It's been six months since I've reviewed a new toy that makes my cervix feel this loved. The Uberrime Night King reminds me of the meat-​and-​potatoes of my mas­tur­ba­tion: the VixSkin Johnny. Back in 2015, I wrote:

"The VixSkin Johnny has so high­ly raised my stan­dards… When try­ing out anoth­er dil­do I like, I ask myself: 'Would say­ing that I love that oth­er toy, be fair to the Johnny?' The answer is rarely ever 'yes.'"

I stand by that state­ment, but the Uberrime Night King is that excep­tion­al. Yes, I do love it, and yes, it would be fair to the Johnny. The two share some fea­tures that I adore:

• the grad­ual curve
• the girth for added intensity
• the firm­ness to thrust with precision
• the soft­ness to bash against my cervix to my heart's delight

…and then some. I'm head-​over-​heels in love.

UPDATE FOR NOVEMBER 21, 2022: Want the same size but in a real­is­tic dil­do form? See my new Uberrime Aptus review!

You can get the Uberrime Night King and oth­er Uberrime dil­dos at Peepshow Toys. Take 10% off sitewide with coupon code SUPERSMASHCACHE