Stuck in a sex toy sea of pink, purple, and cadaver beige? Fuck that.

Nix the gen­dered mar­ket­ing and stroll through my sex toy col­lec­tion: the lush dil­do for­est where teals, greens, and pow­der blues are abun­dant. We'll make it fes­tive and spooky by focus­ing on some of my favorite glow-​in-​the-​dark dildos!

You can "charge" them by leav­ing them in sun­light or using a black­light. Also con­sid­er "draw­ing" on glow-​in-​the-​dark objects with a UV laser point­er — the oth­er parts of the pig­ment will stay rel­a­tive­ly dark.

For the bright­est over­all glow, though, leave a big black­light turned on! It will make your flu­o­res­cent dil­dos glow, too. Remember: all glow-​in-​the-​dark dil­dos shine in UV light, but not all flu­o­res­cent dil­dos glow in the dark.

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Uberrime Deep Diver: a glow-in-the-dark remix of Whipspider's Tentacle dildo

Measurements

• 6.25 inch­es total length
• 5.5 inch­es insertable
• ~1.3 inch head diameter
• ~2.1 inch­es across the shaft
• ~2.6 inch­es near the bottom
• Shore 5A Silicone

How does the Uberrime Deep Diver tentacle dildo feel?

Ooooh, the Uberrime Deep Diver is one of my favorites for fist­ing warm-​up. I may be a size queen, but that doesn't mean I'm always in the mood for a blunt inser­tion with the soda can-​sized Vixen Randy.

If you want a dil­do that starts slen­der and gauges up to a whop­ping 2.6", the Deep Diver is for you!

Its curve is also use­ful for swoop­ing behind the pubic bone and dig­ging into the G‑spot, while the ten­ta­cle suck­ers are intense but not espe­cial­ly in-​the-​way. You can choose to twist the tex­tures against your front wall or point them in a dif­fer­ent direction.

The grad­ual ramp­ing up in girth kinda-​sorta resem­bles the end of a duck-​billed hand — but it's gen­tle enough for me to use from a cold start. For com­par­i­son, the Tantus Fist Trainer XL does what it says, but it's by no means a warm-​up toy.

Many long-​time sex geeks griev­ed the Whipspider Tentacle's loss, but Uberrime felt inspired to cre­ate some­thing even better.

Features SheVibe exclusive colors!

The Uberrime Deep Diver fea­tures a beau­ti­ful teal along the suc­tion cups. It glows green in the dark, accent­ing the rest of the dildo's red and elec­tric violet.

Read my full review of the Uberrime Deep Diver ten­ta­cle dil­do or get one from SheVibe.

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Uberrime Alien Probe Thing: foot-long textured dildo

Measurements

• 12" long (11" insertable)
• 1.75" head diameter
• 1.59” across the shaft
• Choice of squishy (Shore 0050) or medi­um (Shore 8) den­si­ty silicone

How does the Uberrime Alien Probe Thing dildo feel?

When I first asked Marco Uberrime for the Alien Probe Thing, he respond­ed, "Really? It's like, 12 inch­es long." Then, after a pause, he added, "Wait, no, nev­er mind. I for­got who I was talk­ing with."

The Uberrime Alien Probe Thing is quite the mon­stros­i­ty, ide­al for depth play. However, dur­ing vagi­nal use, the ample tex­tures along the shaft also serve as indi­rect cli­toral stim­u­la­tion if you enjoy angling your dil­dos for grind­ing dur­ing pen­e­tra­tion. And, of course, it can reach into the for­nices to mas­sage the cervix.

Its con­tours aren't as pro­nounced as, say, the Uberrime Night King, but that may be a plus for you. Both the Night King and Alien Probe Thing have loooong shafts, allow­ing you a great deal of con­trol when thrust­ing and a lot of room for cli­toral sliding.

Another big dif­fer­ence is that the for­mer has a round­ed coro­na and diag­o­nal ridges, while the lat­ter fea­tures sharp­er and more con­sis­tent saw­tooth jags. Think of a small­er Uberrime Aqua-​King with more piz­zazz on the shaft.

Consider the Night King for short strokes and the Uberrime Alien Probe Thing for pro­longed pound­ing. There's no such thing as a bad Uberrime dil­do — just some that will fit your body bet­ter than others.

3 glow-​in-​the-​dark and fluorescent color schemes available

• Alien green all over
• Yellow tip with a green shaft
• Green tip with a blue shaft

Shop the Uberrime Alien Probe Thing glow-​in-​the-​dark dildo.

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Evolved Luminous Stud Large dildo

Now we're get­ting into way more budget-​friendly ter­ri­to­ry! This 10.5" long glow-​in-​the-​dark dil­do has some seeee­ri­ous length and girth. The flared tip mea­sures 2" wide, is on the medium-​firm side, and juts out to dig into my G‑spot. All while being afford­able? Oh, heck, yes!

The only down­side is that the blue doesn't flu­o­resce as bright­ly as the oth­er col­ors in UV light — but it's still super pret­ty in the dark!

Shop the Evolved Novelties Luminous Stud Large. There are also medi­um and mini size options, but their heads aren't as pronounced.

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Blush Neo Elite GLOW: translucent dual-density silicone dildo

4 glow-​in-​the-​dark colors available

• Orange and blue in the 7.5" Neo Elite with­out balls
• Pink and green in the 7.5" Neo Elite with balls

You may have noticed that the Neo Elite GLOW dil­dos look A LOT like the orig­i­nal Neo Elites. That's because they're dif­fer­ent col­ors, cast from the same molds!

What's amaz­ing about these dil­dos is that, at the time, near-​clear sil­i­cone was the new thing, and it made great-​looking, afford­able sil­i­cone dil­dos eas­i­er to come by.

If you like the look of clear jel­ly but want non­porous sil­i­cone at a rea­son­able price, con­sid­er these translu­cent dil­dos. (Make sure to include ELITE in the name! Otherwise, you may find the porous line that Blush also makes.)

Measurements

Both Blush Neo Elite GLOW designs have a flared, butt-​safe, har­ness­able suc­tion cup base!

How do the Blush Neo Elite GLOW-​in-​the-​dark dildos feel?

These dual-​density dil­dos fea­ture a firm core (the part that glows!) and soft­er out­er lay­er to sim­u­late the dimen­sion­al feel of an erect cock.

It's not quite as real­is­tic as VixSkin — the out­er lay­er in the GLOW dil­dos is a lit­tle firmer and slight­ly less tacky than the pre­vi­ous Blush Neo Elites. However, there's still very much a notice­able dif­fer­ence in den­si­ty between the core and the "skin."

In short, they're a twist on a clas­sic real­is­tic dil­do shape. The Neo Elite GLOW with balls is fun for a slight stretch with its about-​average diam­e­ter. It's also more G‑spotty, so con­sid­er it if you pre­fer shal­low penetration.

The long and lean one with­out balls goes in deep­er. If girth isn't impor­tant to you, you may pre­fer the lat­ter option for a few reasons:

• Gentler pres­sure on the cer­vi­cal fornices
• Tapered — great for com­fort­ably explor­ing butt stuff
• More insertable length
• Maybe dil­dos with balls squick you out.

The Neo Elite GLOW with­out balls' shape, com­bined with its squish, make it a great dil­do for peg­ging and begin­ner butt stuff. Mount the suc­tion cup bases and ride for a semi-real­is­tic mas­tur­ba­tion expe­ri­ence.

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NS Firefly Glass G-Spot Wand: ultimate anterior fornix dildo

One glow-​in-​the-​dark color available:

Clear glass with off-​white (in light)/green glow-​in-​the-​dark speck­les. There are oth­er not-​glowing col­or options for this glass dil­do, too: black, pink, and clear with noth­ing added.

Measurements

• 6.5" total length
• 1.5" max­i­mum diameter
• 0.75" wide neck

How does the NS Novelties Firefly Glass G‑Spot Wand feel?

OOOOH, it's one of the most intense A‑spot dil­dos I've ever used, after (of course) the bludgeon-​like njoy Eleven and Le Wand Contour. It's a fuck­ing mis­sile for firm pres­sure in front of my cervix. All it takes is a few thrusts before I'm gasp­ing and scream­ing (if I have the house to myself, anyway)!

To quote my NS Novelties Glass G‑Spot Wand review:

“How could some­thing make me cry so much?” I thought to myself in the after­glow of using it.

Its pen­chant for firm force is inescapable. It’s my go-​to for when I want deep pen­e­tra­tion with the pre­ci­sion of fin­gers. Thrust it, rock it, swiv­el it. Whatever motions I use, it’s the insertable ana­log to an “instant orgasm” button.

It doesn't work for my G‑spot, but my A‑spot couldn't ask for much more.

Learn more about the A‑spot/​anterior fornix or shop the NS Novelties Firefly Glass G‑Spot Wand. They have oth­er glow-​in-​the-​dark toys in the Firefly line, but this dildo's my favorite of them.

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Clone-A-Willy glow-in-the-dark at-home silicone dildo casting kit

The name is self-​explanatory: you can make your own glow-​in-​the-​dark dil­do! This kit con­tains every­thing you need. Here are the results from when I did it with my boyfriend:

Read my full Clone-​A-​Willy kit review and guide.

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Wrapping it up!

It's not just niche arti­sans mak­ing glow-​in-​the-​dark dil­dos any­more! Mainstream man­u­fac­tur­ers are catch­ing on, too. What would be your dream glow-​in-​the-​dark sex toy?