Uberrime Helios Sun God textured dildo review

My first dil­do from Uberrime wasn't the Helios, but the sto­ry begins the same way: it almost too pret­ty to use. Almost. I oohed and aahed the delec­tably tight mar­bling of the colors.

I com­mand­ed my boyfriend to hold a lamp over the sink as I took dozens of pho­tos of the Night King in shim­mery bath bomb water.

But it took me two or three weeks before I used it— how could any sex toy feel as good as the Night King looked?

What if I was hyp­ing myself up for dis­ap­point­ment? What if insert­ing the dil­do fucked up the Night King's ini­tial hon­ey­moon mag­ic? When I stopped drag­ging my feet and start­ed test­ing, I real­ized how unfound­ed my trep­i­da­tion was.

The Uberrime Night King end­ed up being one of my favorite sex toys in the his­to­ry of ever. My review of it is the pin­na­cle of the sex blog­ger dream. "Gosh, I'm so lucky to have the oppor­tu­ni­ty to do more of this as a job!" I'd remind myself.

First Impressions of the Uberrime Helios Sun God

When Peepshow Toys more recent­ly sent me the Uberrime Helios, I pro­cras­ti­nat­ed for the same rea­son. But this time, my heart sank at first thrust. What have I done? Hindsight is 20/​20.

UPDATE: There's a new-​and-​improved Uberrime Helios! The remain­der of this review is about the first-​generation version. 

I can come with just the Helios. Sometimes. But not with ease or con­sis­ten­cy — it takes too damn long, and I'd pre­fer to switch back to my Night King or Avant D4.

To its cred­it, the ridges that wrap around the Helios Sun God's shaft feel good. However, because they're not as pro­nounced as the tex­tures on the Night King, they can't get me off on their own. The Helios' coils are mere­ly an inter­est­ing extra. And beau­ti­ful icing can't save an unstruc­tured cake.

That's what it comes down to: I find the Uberrime Helios Sun God dil­do too indef­i­nite to do much for my inter­nal zones. It slides and squish­es behind my cervix, but lacks the def­i­n­i­tion to mas­sage the right spot.

The head doesn't excep­tion­al­ly jut out for­ward, and there's no curve. And if I try to aim against my cervix, the tip con­tin­ues to evade and slide past the most sen­si­tive deep spot.

Uberrime Helios for cervix & G-spot stimulation

I can come by bot­tom­ing myself out and push­ing the Helios Sun God in place, all the way in. However, that's not unique to the Helios. I could prob­a­bly just as eas­i­ly do that with anoth­er, more afford­able dildo.

Plenty of indie toys can ade­quate­ly stim­u­late my G‑spot — a depart­ment I also find the Uberrime Sun God lack­ing. When my pubic bone catch­es in the Helios Sun God's sulcus/​dip under the coro­na, my G‑spot is aware of the pro­trud­ing head. It feels good.

But again, it's only pleas­ant. It's not that the head isn't pro­nounced — there's just not enough "oomph" to push me over the edge.

Dildos I'd recommend instead of the Helios

The gist of almost any stim­u­la­tion I get from the Sun God is that the head, shaft, and tex­tures feel good, but rarely enough to make me come on their own. For that rea­son, the only fea­ture I find out­stand­ing about the Uberrime Helios Sun God dil­do is its good looks. If I'm crav­ing twistable and thrustable tex­tures, I'll keep wax­ing poet­ic about the Uberrime Night King.

I'm sor­ry, Marco! I admire the work you put into Uberrime, but the Helios Sun God dil­do isn't for me. If a read­er needs firmer G‑spot stim­u­la­tion, I would (and I know I sound like a bro­ken record) steer them toward the Uberrime Night King.

I'd rec­om­mend the Helios Sun God dil­do for peo­ple who want a bendy and squishy dil­do with girth and small ridges. The sul­cus pro­vides some drag and mild G‑spot or prostate stim­u­la­tion, and maybe that's your thang.

But for me, the Uberrime Helios Sun God will stay on my shelf for dec­o­ra­tive pur­pos­es only. In my house­hold, that's all the Uberrime Helios is good for — being eye candy.

Dildos mentioned in this review

• Uberrime Helios Sun God
• Uberrime Night King
• Blush Novelties Avant D3/​D4

Peepshow Toys coupon code

Take 10% off when you buy the Uberrime Helios Sun God dil­do or any oth­er toy from Peepshow Toys with coupon code SUPERSMASHCACHE

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