Why I Don’t Hunt For “Unicorns” / FFM Threesomes

Why I Don't Hunt For "Unicorns" / FFM Threesomes 1

Given a long enough time­line, prac­ti­cal­ly every straight dude I’ve been with has asked me for:

  1. an FFM three­some, espe­cial­ly with one of my (unspec­i­fied) cis female friends
  2. butt stuff, but with only me receiving

My response to the for­mer used to be, “Sure, as long as you accept the pos­si­bil­i­ty that the girls will be more into each oth­er than into you.” True sto­ry: when I was 19, a cou­ple (27F and 35M) at a par­ty attempt­ed to Unicorn Hunt me. It end­ed with me fist­ing the woman while her boyfriend watched but was oth­er­wise exclud­ed. I could almost hear the world’s tini­est vio­lin play­ing in the background.

How I feel about Unicorn Hunting now

Nowadays, I out­right say, “No, I’m not will­ing to put effort into mak­ing that hap­pen.” There are too many vari­ables and too much poten­tial for some­thing messy.

For one, let’s look at the sheer num­bers. I don’t have many girl friends, to begin with, let alone many who are queer. And with­in in that sub-subset, there’s an even small­er sub-sub-sub-subset of women who are into both part­ners and both part­ners are into. And, final­ly in this Venn dia­gram, a tiny dot of women who fit those cri­te­ria and are DTF right away.

But I’d only need to find one, and she does­n’t have to be in my pre-existing friend network.

Emotional constraints on setting up an FFM threesome

Okay, so think of the poten­tial dra­ma of mod­ern courtship between two people:

  • awk­ward and not-so-sexy encounters
  • catch­ing feel­ings when you’re not “sup­posed to”
  • imbal­ance in power
  • dis­com­fort with dynam­ics changing
  • jeal­ousy and possessiveness

…and so on. I’m hap­py for cou­ples who can make it hap­pen and have fun with it, but these issues get expo­nen­tial­ly more like­ly and more dif­fi­cult when you add a third per­son — espe­cial­ly in the long run.

Logistics aside, it does­n’t feel great when I’m the tar­get for Unicorn Hunters. For hookups, I would­n’t want two peo­ple to (simul­ta­ne­ous­ly!) treat me like a toy or an add-on or an extra piece of equip­ment. I don’t exist for oth­er peo­ple’s sex­u­al grat­i­fi­ca­tion. And for some­thing long-term, I would­n’t want to be auto­mat­i­cal­ly placed on a tier below the “pri­ma­ry” cou­ple. I’m human. I find the feel­ings unset­tling, and I would­n’t feel right impos­ing them upon anoth­er per­son. The con­nec­tion would have to hap­pen organically.

Unicorn Hunting is also a not-so-subtle way of instat­ing a One Penis Policy in non-monogamy. Finding specif­i­cal­ly a cis woman to have an FFM three­some or tri­ad with means lim­it­ing my selec­tion to only the gen­der that my part­ner does­n’t find threat­en­ing. (Which is prob­lem­at­ic.) Meanwhile, there would be more of an emo­tion­al bur­den on me to work on my jealousy-handling skills. My part­ner does­n’t have to do jack shit emo­tion­al­ly. And that’s not an equal contribution.

When and how would I pursue an FFM threesome?

I’m not say­ing there’s no right way to go about Unicorn Hunting. If it works for you, more pow­er to you!

However, I don’t think I’d per­son­al­ly go unicorn-hunting with a casu­al sex part­ner. I might con­sid­er pay­ing cour­te­sans for an FFM three­some if I was in a long-term rela­tion­ship where my part­ner pulled his weight in oth­er forms of emotional/mental labor. To me, that kind of invest­ment would feel fair­er and less emo­tion­al­ly loaded. The point of an FFM three­some is to have fun, after all.


Hey! This post is spon­sored. As always, all thoughts expressed are my own.

5 Responses

  1. Kieran says:

    Hey, cool post. As a guy I don’t get the whole fmf. I think they use it as a way to sleep with their GF’s hot friends. My wife and I are on Red Hot Pie (Adult dat­ing site) and 90 % of the cou­ples are look­ing for the uni­corn. Are that many women bi? Don’t get me wrong the female body is so sexy.

  2. Nichole Smith says:

    This is why sex work should be legal. I hate the thought of using some­one but that’s exact­ly what I want to do. I want to pick up the phone, hire a con­sent­ing adult and not be afraid of get­ting myself or some­one else arrested.

  3. Randy Rascal says:

    Thanks for shar­ing your view and expe­ri­ence. Yes, fan­ta­sy ver­sus real­i­ty. When con­sid­er­ing extras for a mem­o­rable per­for­mance, a pro­fes­sion­al is usu­al­ly a safe and wise choice.

  4. Jeff says:

    We’re in a long term monog­a­mous rela­tion­ship and while we freely fan­ta­size about theee­somes FFM and MMF, I doubt it would ever hap­pen. A more real­is­tic option would be inter­act­ing with or even just watch­ing anoth­er sim­i­lar cou­ple and see­ing if any­thing nat­u­ral­ly transpired.

  5. D. Dyer says:

    These days I am most­ly over uni­corn hunt­ing because as an intro­vert, it requires way way too much ener­gy. We have been known to hire sex work­ers of var­i­ous gen­ders and I don’t rule out the pos­si­bil­i­ty of things hap­pen­ing organ­i­cal­ly but look­ing is a lot of work.

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