Given a long enough timeline, practically every straight dude I’ve been with has asked me for:
- an FFM threesome, especially with one of my (unspecified) cis female friends
- butt stuff, but with only me receiving
My response to the former used to be, “Sure, as long as you accept the possibility that the girls will be more into each other than into you.” True story: when I was 19, a couple (27F and 35M) at a party attempted to Unicorn Hunt me. It ended with me fisting the woman while her boyfriend watched but was otherwise excluded. I could almost hear the world’s tiniest violin playing in the background.
How I Feel About Unicorn Hunting Now
Nowadays, I outright say, “No, I’m not willing to put effort into making that happen.” There are too many variables and too much potential for something messy.
For one, let’s look at the sheer numbers. I don’t have many girl friends, to begin with, let alone many who are queer. And within in that sub-subset, there’s an even smaller sub-sub-sub-subset of women who are into both partners and both partners are into. And, finally in this Venn diagram, a tiny dot of women who fit those criteria and are DTF right away.
But I’d only need to find one, and she doesn’t have to be in my pre-existing friend network.
Emotional Constraints on Setting Up an FFM Threesome
Okay, so think of the potential drama of modern courtship between two people:
- awkward and not-so-sexy encounters
- catching feelings when you’re not “supposed to”
- imbalance in power
- discomfort with dynamics changing
- jealousy and possessiveness
…and so on. I’m happy for couples who can make it happen and have fun with it, but these issues become exponentially more likely and more difficult when you add a third person—especially in the long run.
Logistics aside, it doesn’t feel great when I’m the target for Unicorn Hunters. For hookups, I wouldn’t want two people to (simultaneously!) treat me like a toy or an add-on or an extra piece of equipment. I don’t exist for other people’s sexual gratification. And for something long-term, I wouldn’t want to be automatically placed on a tier below the “primary” couple. I’m human. I find the feelings unsettling, and I wouldn’t feel right imposing them upon another person. The connection would have to happen organically.
Unicorn Hunting is also a not-so-subtle way of instating a One Penis Policy in non-monogamy. Finding specifically a cis woman to have an FFM threesome or triad with means limiting my selection to only the gender that my partner doesn’t find threatening. Meanwhile, there would be more of an emotional burden on me to work on my jealousy-handling skills. My partner doesn’t have to do jack shit emotionally. And that’s not an equal contribution.
When and How Would I Pursue an FFM Threesome?
I’m not saying there’s no right way to go about Unicorn Hunting. If it works for you, more power to you!
However, I don’t think I’d personally go unicorn-hunting with a casual sex partner. I might consider paying courtesans for an FFM threesome if I was in a long-term relationship where my partner pulled his weight in other forms of emotional/mental labor. To me, that kind of investment would feel fairer and less emotionally loaded. The point of an FFM threesome is to have fun, after all.
Hey! This post is sponsored. As always, all thoughts expressed are my own.
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Comments
5 comments on “Why I Don’t Hunt For “Unicorns” / FFM Threesomes”
These days I am mostly over unicorn hunting because as an introvert, it requires way way too much energy. We have been known to hire sex workers of various genders and I don’t rule out the possibility of things happening organically but looking is a lot of work.
We’re in a long term monogamous relationship and while we freely fantasize about theeesomes FFM and MMF, I doubt it would ever happen. A more realistic option would be interacting with or even just watching another similar couple and seeing if anything naturally transpired.
Thanks for sharing your view and experience. Yes, fantasy versus reality. When considering extras for a memorable performance, a professional is usually a safe and wise choice.
This is why sex work should be legal. I hate the thought of using someone but that’s exactly what I want to do. I want to pick up the phone, hire a consenting adult and not be afraid of getting myself or someone else arrested.
Hey, cool post. As a guy I don’t get the whole fmf. I think they use it as a way to sleep with their GF’s hot friends. My wife and I are on Red Hot Pie (Adult dating site) and 90 % of the couples are looking for the unicorn. Are that many women bi? Don’t get me wrong the female body is so sexy.