Given a long enough time­line, prac­ti­cal­ly every straight dude I've been with has asked me for:

1. an FFM three­some, espe­cial­ly with one of my (unspec­i­fied) cis female friends
2. butt stuff, but with only me receiving

My response to the for­mer used to be, "Sure, as long as you accept the pos­si­bil­i­ty that the girls will be more into each oth­er than into you." True sto­ry: when I was 19, a cou­ple (27F and 35M) at a par­ty attempt­ed to Unicorn Hunt me. It end­ed with me fist­ing the woman while her boyfriend watched but was oth­er­wise exclud­ed. I could almost hear the world's tini­est vio­lin play­ing in the background.

How I Feel About Unicorn Hunting Now

Nowadays, I out­right say, "No, I'm not will­ing to put effort into mak­ing that hap­pen." There are too many vari­ables and too much poten­tial for some­thing messy.

For one, let's look at the sheer num­bers. I don't have many girl friends, to begin with, let alone many who are queer. And with­in in that sub-​subset, there's an even small­er sub-​sub-​sub-​subset of women who are into both part­ners and both part­ners are into. And, final­ly in this Venn dia­gram, a tiny dot of women who fit those cri­te­ria and are DTF right away.

But I'd only need to find one, and she doesn't have to be in my pre-​existing friend network.

Emotional Constraints on Setting Up an FFM Threesome

Okay, so think of the poten­tial dra­ma of mod­ern courtship between two people:

• awk­ward and not-​so-​sexy encounters
• catch­ing feel­ings when you're not "sup­posed to"
• imbal­ance in power
• dis­com­fort with dynam­ics changing
• jeal­ousy and possessiveness

…and so on. I'm hap­py for cou­ples who can make it hap­pen and have fun with it, but these issues become expo­nen­tial­ly more like­ly and more dif­fi­cult when you add a third person—especially in the long run.

Logistics aside, it doesn't feel great when I'm the tar­get for Unicorn Hunters. For hookups, I wouldn't want two peo­ple to (simul­ta­ne­ous­ly!) treat me like a toy or an add-​on or an extra piece of equip­ment. I don't exist for oth­er people's sex­u­al grat­i­fi­ca­tion. And for some­thing long-​term, I wouldn't want to be auto­mat­i­cal­ly placed on a tier below the "pri­ma­ry" cou­ple. I'm human. I find the feel­ings unset­tling, and I wouldn't feel right impos­ing them upon anoth­er per­son. The con­nec­tion would have to hap­pen organically.

Unicorn Hunting is also a not-​so-​subtle way of instat­ing a One Penis Policy in non-​monogamy. Finding specif­i­cal­ly a cis woman to have an FFM three­some or tri­ad with means lim­it­ing my selec­tion to only the gen­der that my part­ner doesn't find threat­en­ing. Meanwhile, there would be more of an emo­tion­al bur­den on me to work on my jealousy-​handling skills. My part­ner doesn't have to do jack shit emo­tion­al­ly. And that's not an equal contribution.

When and How Would I Pursue an FFM Threesome?

I'm not say­ing there's no right way to go about Unicorn Hunting. If it works for you, more pow­er to you!

However, I don't think I'd per­son­al­ly go unicorn-​hunting with a casu­al sex part­ner. I might con­sid­er pay­ing cour­te­sans for an FFM three­some if I was in a long-​term rela­tion­ship where my part­ner pulled his weight in oth­er forms of emotional/​mental labor. To me, that kind of invest­ment would feel fair­er and less emo­tion­al­ly loaded. The point of an FFM three­some is to have fun, after all.

Hey! This post is spon­sored. As always, all thoughts expressed are my own.

Super Smash Cache

PLEASURE PRINCESS. COMPACT, HIGH-​CAPACITY HUMAN. CERVIX SORCERESS.

I've test­ed over 400 sex toys and love div­ing deep for cer­vi­cal orgasms, A‑spot stim­u­la­tion, and kinky odysseys into the subconscious.

Mesmerizing mind­fuck­ing or phys­i­cal fist­ing? Opening books or legs? Why not all of the above?

Can't get enough?

• • Read more about me and my plea­sure protocol/​philosophy
  • Book a plea­sure pep talk with me for one-​on-​one peer sup­port calls
  • Leave a tip via Ko-​Fi or PayPal