FAQ: Vaginal Stretching & Big Dildo Starter pack

Frequently asked ques­tions on being a com­pact, high-​capacity human

I've writ­ten a lot about big inser­tions in vary­ing forms — long, wide, dil­dos, fin­gers, penis­es, one, two, red, blue.

Here's a com­pi­la­tion of resources and read­er ques­tions on the top­ic, from vagi­nal stretch­ing to whether size matters.

How do I get comfortable with penetration in general?

If you're get­ting used to vagi­nal stretch­ing for inter­course or work­ing your way up to mid-​sized inserta­bles, check out:

• My beginner-​friendly pen­e­tra­tion starter pack — it has a lit­tle some­thing for every­one, but there are sec­tions focused on small­er toys and tip drilling
• A small­er dila­tor kit for warm-​up — and my dila­tor how-​to guide!
  • I was review­ing the XL ones specif­i­cal­ly, but many of those tips could apply to you as well. Use code SUPER15 for 15% off your VWELL order.
• The Pelvic People's blog (which includes some con­tent writ­ten by me!) 
  • The Pelvic Gym is also accept­ing beta testers for its online cours­es — try it for free for the first two weeks, then $10 per month.
• CBD lube to help with relax­ation — not a long-​term solu­tion, but can be help­ful for occa­sion­al flares

A blog post or book that pro­vides a 101-​level overview of pelvic floor care can be a help­ful start­ing point.

However, as always, if you're expe­ri­enc­ing chron­ic pain or have very spe­cif­ic needs, you deserve feed­back that's tai­lored to your sit­u­a­tion. I can't help with, say, Ehler-​Danlos syn­drome or post­par­tum or post-​surgery care. Talk to a pelvic floor ther­a­pist if you can afford to see one.

How can I become more comfortable with larger insertions?

Let's get into my favorite posts about big inser­tions — whether with dil­dos, penis­es, or fisting.

• Mega-​guide to vagi­nal stretch­ing, fist­ing, and giant dil­dos — walks you through mind­set, breath aware­ness, hand posi­tion­ing, fist­ing tech­nique, and of course, big dil­do selection
• A guide to XL dila­tors and how to use them as warm-​up toys — helps whether you're prepar­ing for a well-​endowed part­ner or a big­ger dildo
• CrashPad's Guide to Fisting: sap­ph­ic fist­ing porn review — my favorite adult edu-​tainment video on the topic
• My favorite pussy plugs — includ­ing options that come in many sizes
• 4 com­mand­ments for size roy­al­ty — a plea­sure pep talk to hype your­self up!

Does size matter for cervix stimulation?

Yes, but not as much as you might think. With all oth­er fac­tors equal, sure, a longer toy will gen­er­al­ly have more:

• Ease going into the cer­vi­cal fornices
• Versatility with angling right where you want it
• Of a han­dle to grab onto and leverage

To stim­u­late the cervix, a short­er penis or strap-​on may take some par­tic­u­lar posi­tion­ing, e.g.:

• Cowgirl with the hips ele­vat­ed on a sex pillow
• Missionary with the receiv­ing party's legs pulled to their chest

A few oth­er fac­tors are also at play, like firm­ness and cur­va­ture — for many peo­ple with vagi­nas, skill­ful fin­gers reach the cer­vi­cal os plen­ty well! Going in all the way and mak­ing a "come hith­er" motion is just one way to plea­sure a cervix with­out a big dick or toy! And a super hard cock, aver­age or even some­what on the short side, can get the job done.

What about size in general?

Every body is different:

• One per­son might have a shal­low cervix and not need as much depth.

• Another might strong­ly pre­fer long dongs.
• Some care about girth for cli­toral stim­u­la­tion more than length for cer­vi­cal stimulation.
• Many don't care about size at all, and want to focus on the exter­nals. (An average-​to-​short penis can mean eas­i­er con­tact with the pubic bone against the clit!)

So while anato­my and pref­er­ence vary, the good news is you don't have to fret much about the exact length, focus­ing on fin­ger­ing, or using toys. The best car­pen­ters can still use pow­er tools for speed and pre­ci­sion, yeah? And hav­ing a car doesn't ruin long walks with some­one you love!

How did you get into fisting and huge dildos?

For as long as I watched porn, I had always loved the dra­mat­ic visu­al of a huge inser­tion: the stretch­ing skin, the lips that grip.

But in my mind, that was for oth­er people.

I didn't think it was for me to expe­ri­ence until:

• I over­came the fear of becom­ing loose by pro­gres­sive­ly using larg­er toys and reaf­firm­ing that I always snapped back!
• I had a part­ner who was enthu­si­as­tic about using more than two fin­gers inside me when I asked.
• I lis­tened to a pod­cast episode where some­one described in-​depth what fist­ing felt like — hear­ing the first-​person per­spec­tive made it feel more real and attainable.
• It felt real­ly fuck­ing good, unlock­ing next-​level orgasms, so I kept doing it. 🙂

In oth­er words, I was into watch­ing fist­ing for a looooong time.

When it came to actu­al­ly doing it, the ear­ly stages of my jour­ney were most­ly about get­ting over my men­tal hang-​ups and those of my partner.

What if I'm scared of fisting making me loose?

With love, I'm going to give you gen­er­al guide­lines to make the deci­sion that's right for you:

• Go grad­u­al­ly with warm-​up toys
• Listen to your body and slow down (or stop) when there's discomfort
• See how your mus­cles react over time — you can decide at any moment in the vagi­nal stretch­ing jour­ney to stop
• Check in with a pelvic floor ther­a­pist if you can afford it. They eval­u­ate many things besides raw strength.

That last bit is crit­i­cal: have a pro­fes­sion­al tai­lor your pelvic floor care plan to you.

No, big dildos won't necessarily make you loose

…but there's some­thing sneaki­er to watch out for.

As some­one who reviews huge dil­dos, my pelvic floor ther­a­pist said that my Kegels are strong. However, by default, I'm very tight and was fight­ing her finger's entry. She not­ed that my walls relaxed once man­u­al pres­sure was applied from the inside — so we worked on lower-​body stretch­es and deep breath­ing to facil­i­tate relax­ation with­out pen­e­tra­tion.

In oth­er words, Kegels aren't every­thing. Strength isn't every­thing. It is pos­si­ble to both enjoy big dil­dos and fist­ing and still be too tight at rest (or, to get back to your orig­i­nal ques­tion: be total­ly fine).

What's the biggest dildo you've ever used?

I men­tioned many of them in my guide to fist­ing and giant dil­dos, but here's the TL;DR.

My max­i­mum seems to be just under 3" diam­e­ter, with the likes of the:

• Topped Toys Cetos 90 — 2.9" across
• Uberrime Anurian — 2.7" across, and my per­son­al favorite of the three
• Tantus Fist Trainer 2.7" across

The Hole Punch Toys Moonshiner and Tantus Pawn were past my lim­its — I couldn't insert them much, I'm will­ing to admit that.