"Oops, That's My Kink": 2 Turn-Ons I've Discovered on Accident

Do you ever jack off to some­thing unortho­dox and then, in the post-​nut clar­i­ty, think, “Oh gosh, what have I done?” Sometimes, a kink catch­es you off guard. And some­times, you own it. The human brain is a fun­ny place.

I have count­less tales of times I acci­den­tal­ly dis­cov­ered a kink, but here are just a couple. 

---

Ahegao Orgasm Face

The OnlyFans pages that I’ve checked out dis­pro­por­tion­ate­ly involved a cer­tain sil­ly orgasm face:

• Rolled or crossed eyes
• A flushed face
• Tongue stick­ing out
• (Sometimes) sweat­ing or drooling

I’m prob­a­bly telling on myself about the kind of smut I was drawn to, but I digress. I didn’t know the term, "ahe­gao," until I start­ed my blog post about what women want­ed more of in porn.

Or less of. One of my read­ers said she didn’t want to see so many “stu­pid, crazy faces”  — imme­di­ate­ly con­jur­ing the men­tal image men­tioned above. (I agreed at the time; I didn’t quite under­stand this plu­ral­i­ty.) Another read­er replied, “I’m not a fan of ahe­gao, but it’s a niche to make easy mon­ey from if it doesn’t both­er you.”

I lat­er asked my then-​boyfriend, “Is it a far-​off inter­net thing, or do you know peo­ple who actu­al­ly like it?”

“I don’t think any­one would admit to lik­ing it.”

“Your friends seem like they would like it,” I point­ed out. They’re capital‑B, Boys™, who wield mul­ti­ple com­put­er mon­i­tors, light-​up key­boards, and VR head­sets for gam­ing and prob­a­bly cos­play porn. You know the type.

“I like it a lit­tle,” he hesitated.

Ah, I thought. So you like it a lot but are afraid to say how much. Got it.

The next time we had sex, I asked, “Do you want me to go cross-eyed?”

“A lit­tle…” A lit­tle. There it was again.

I don’t think any­one would admit to lik­ing [ahe­gao] … I like it a little.

I indulged him to see how he would react. Rolled eyes dur­ing orgasm weren’t unusu­al for me, but I took my per­for­mance to the next lev­el with crossed eyes and patent pant­i­ng with my tongue extended.

He came not too long after that.

“It’s one of those things where you think, ‘Who would be into that?’” he con­fessed, “And then you stare at the com­put­er screen and think, ‘Fuck, I’m into it. It’s an exag­ger­at­ed expres­sion of pleasure.”

Honestly, it’s start­ing to grow on me, too. It feels ani­mal­is­tic. When your orgasms are extra AF and involve four-​octave scream­ing of four-​letter words while a hand is inside you, the ahe­gao orgasm face befits the hyper­bol­ic hedo­nism. It seems like a nat­ur­al progression.

Lesson learned: don’t even jok­ing­ly kink-​shame — you might find out your partner’s into it. I post­ed about it again on my Instagram sto­ries, and mul­ti­ple read­ers respond­ed with vari­a­tions of, “I love this hap­py ending.”

That makes a nice segue into my next turn-on.

---

Roleplaying Virgins

Hell yeah, my type is the guy with the two mon­i­tors and an RGB key­board who looks like he’ll blow away in the wind.

Why would a girl like you even give a guy like me a chance?

I out­right told the ex from the pre­vi­ous sto­ry, “My great­est fan­ta­sy is a dude dressed up as Milo Thatch,” on our first date.

And I know that the Sims 4 fan­dom hates Strangerville, but have you seen Erwin Pries? I’m not above admit­ting that I’ve installed the Wickedwhims mod because of him.

My point is: geeky guys are sexy. They have active imag­i­na­tions that feed their fan­tasies, both inside and out­side the bed­room. And the inter­net has giv­en them a more exten­sive play­ground to explore their eccentricities.

Nerds can hyper­fo­cus (#ADHDlife) and want to learn every ency­clo­pe­dic facet of a top­ic — which can some­times include sex. (Case in point: the exis­tence of this blog, where I’ve reviewed over 300 sex toys.)

I also find nerds and geeks eager to please. Many weren’t appre­ci­at­ed in high school and some­times ear­ly col­lege, but make up for it. (I, for one, couldn’t take a hint. I still can’t.)

Some of the hottest role­play scenes I’ve ever done were when my then-​boyfriend dou­bled down on the nerdi­ness and wor­shipped me. The gist:

• “Why would a girl like you even give a guy like me a chance?”
• “You’re so beau­ti­ful. What can I do to earn and keep your attention?"
• “Teach me what you want. I’m so clue­less and have so much to learn from you.”
• In some cas­es, pre­tend­ing we were strangers study­ing bIoLoGy in the library. 
  • Teasing him with a wand vibra­tor while he’s read­ing aloud
• Pretending he’s nev­er seen pussy before and re-​enacting the awe and fluster

It start­ed as a joke, but we real­ized: it’s also a deli­cious recipe for a Pillow Princess + ser­vice top situation.

Then there’s the flip side.

You make me feel like I'm losin' my vir­gin­i­ty
The first time, every time when you're touch­in' me

— Katy Perry, Hummingbird Heartbeat

I do think vir­gin­i­ty is an out­dat­ed con­cept. Sometimes, though, kink is less about your ethics and more about the subconscious’s desire to explore oth­er possibilities.

For me to role­play being a vir­gin is to say, “I’m tired of the expec­ta­tions and assump­tions about sex edu­ca­tors, and I want a space to sub­vert that and take a fuck­ing break.”

But also, let’s relive the excite­ment of explor­ing the bases with some­one with­out expec­ta­tions of hit­ting a home run. Fingering is so underrated.

(Hey Siri, play Hummingbird Heartbeat by Katy Perry. I still think that song — and, for that mat­ter, the whole album — slaps/)

---

This post was spon­sored. Opinions expressed are my own.