Review: VUSH Myth G-spot vibrator & Rose 2 bullet

2016 called. It wants its Millennial Pink, rose gold, and com­mer­cial­ized well­ness girl­bossi­fi­ca­tion self-​love back.

I per­son­i­fy VUSH vibra­tors as some basic-​bitch Millennial drink­ing cel­ery juice, sport­ing thick eye­brows gradient-​filled and cheek­bones con­toured to oblivion.

In oth­er words: the entire brand looks stuck in the mid-​2010s. (Honestly, same — but I nev­er pre­tend­ed to be hip.)

“We explore the tech so you can explore your body,” VUSH avows on their web­site. They also boast that they have over 1,0000 reviews on their prod­ucts, and of course, that's noth­ing to scoff at. People like what they like. But it’s all glitz and glam for noth­ing special.

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VUSH Rose 2 and VUSH Myth vibrator first impressions

The VUSH Rose 2 bul­let has decent zing and con­trols. And its sib­ling, the VUSH Myth G‑spot vibra­tor, is a curvy queen that pleas­es my Millennial eyes. But that’s about the kind­est thing I’ll say in this VUSH vibra­tor review.

I wouldn’t be upset if the VUSH Rose 2 were my first and only vibra­tor when I start­ed col­lect­ing sex toys. It’s okay, I guess, and the pos­i­tive cus­tomer reviews aren’t with­out merit.

But how many of those buy­ers have sam­pled a wide range of sex toys of vary­ing price ranges? Because I have. And as far as my cur­rent cur­mud­geon self is con­cerned, the rea­sons to get a VUSH vibra­tor aren’t compelling:

1. You saw a cer­tain VUSH vibra­tor in a Cardi B music video.
2. You like the aes­thet­ic moon dust of the well­ness indus­try — what­ev­er the fuck it means when it uses buzz­words like “empow­er­ment” and “self-​love” to oblivion.

Don’t get me wrong: of course, I love it when any brand advo­cates for plea­sure and undo­ing shame, espe­cial­ly for women. AFABs deserve to cater to them­selves at least as much as they do for others.

(VUSH claims their toys are “for every body,” and yes, you could use a vibra­tor on a penis, but I don’t see flared bases for safe anal use.) 

However, many oth­er brands are already doing good work, and they don’t charge $90 for a mid-​tier bul­let or $100 for a bland G‑spot vibra­tor. At VUSH’s prices, you’re pay­ing for the aes­thet­ic and ide­al­ized lifestyle. Not for stel­lar sensations.

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A closer look at the VUSH Myth G-spot vibrator

“Powerful vibra­tions for incred­i­ble sen­sa­tions,” claims the VUSH Myth’s pack­ag­ing. My two-​word response: bitch, where? Its motors are pitiful.

If I turn the inten­si­ty all the way up and think, “That’s it?” that’s a bad sign. And if it can’t make me come via cli­toral vibra­tion at the high­est steady speed, the pat­terns have no hope. Bummer.

I’ll occa­sion­al­ly for­give a sub-​par G‑spot vibra­tor if it works well as a dil­do, though. Unfortunately, that’s not the case with the VUSH Myth. On paper, it com­bines many ele­ments I’ve loved in oth­er G‑spot massagers:

• A curved shaft, bul­bous head, and slim neck
• Textures and ridges galore for my front wall
• A vel­vety mat­te fin­ish with just a lit­tle drag

Unfortunately, between the VUSH Myth’s rigid­i­ty and head slope, it just doesn’t feel like much to me. Its apex miss­es my G‑spot. By default, my vagi­na pulls the VUSH Myth far­ther past my pubic bone than my G‑spot would like. I have to wran­gle to get it any­where near the right spot.

I can’t even say it’s “good for begin­ners” in this case, considering:

1. The VUSH Myth’s price tag
2. A G‑spot vibra­tor for begin­ners should ide­al­ly have some flex­i­bil­i­ty to accom­mo­date dif­fer­ent bodies.

There are some super stiff begin­ner vibra­tors on the afford­able end of the spec­trum. But when a lux­u­ry vibra­tor does did­dly squat for my G‑spot OR my cli­toris? It’s just a phal­lic paper­weight to me.

Save some cash. Get the Cloud 9 G‑Spot 7 Inch Slim vibra­tor instead. It lacks VUSH's flashy mar­ket­ing, but its vibra­tions and G‑spotty shape will take you way farther.

VUSH Myth measurements and specs

• 7.75” total length
• 5” insertable length
• Maximum bulb diam­e­ter: 1.25”
• Narrowest neck width: 0.75”
• 5 vibra­tion pat­terns, 5 intensities
• 1‑year war­ran­ty
• $100 at Betty’s Toy Box

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VUSH Rose 2 flexible bullet vibrator review

Meanwhile, I don’t hate the VUSH Rose 2 bul­let. It has suf­fi­cient strength for its size, splash­ing just a lit­tle when turned on and dipped in water. The bul­bous head shape is poten­tial­ly fun for inser­tion and clench­ing around.

And the con­trols are fine, I guess. One but­ton cycles through the inten­si­ties (start­ing at 3/​5), one switch­es the pat­terns, and one turns the VUSH Rose 2 on/​off.

It gets the job done.

But again, at the VUSH Rose 2’s price, I wish I could say more than “it’s decent.” I’ve tried over 300 sex toys, and it’s that much hard­er to impress me nowadays.

If you decide to get the VUSH Rose 2, I hope you love the rose quartz shade, the flo­ral design, and the con­trol pan­el. It’s all about the aes­thet­ic at that point.

In a lux­u­ry bul­let of this price range, I’d expect a “down” but­ton like the Dame Products KIP and Hot Octopuss Amo have. Or, bet­ter yet, get a We-​Vibe Tango X for the max­i­mum rum­ble in a bul­let.

VUSH Rose 2 measurements and specs

• 5.25” total length
• 1.25” max­i­mum bulb diameter
• 0.5” nar­row­est neck width
• 5 vibra­tion pat­terns, 5 intensities
• 1 year warranty
• $90 at Betty’s Toy Box

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