How do you make yourself cum so easily?

If something felt like unlocking a secret on the fringes of human knowledge, I loved it.

I’ve always liked learning about science and the occult — I wanted to know everything.

So I’d hear or read about someone who could reach orgasm just by sheer force of will and think, “That’s gonna be me.”

How my orgasm journey started

It wasn’t super easy to believe in my capacity for pleasure in early college — when I hooked up with 18- and 19-year-old guys who didn’t know what they were doing.

But I ultimately decided that I wasn’t going to let the narrative of “Male orgasms are simple and a given, but female orgasms are difficult and rare” be my destiny.

I’m unsure how I discovered Barbara Carellas or Annie Sprinkle. But I heard about Barbara’s MRI scans at Rutgers University, showing activity and evidence that she, in fact, had orgasms by breathing, clenching, and visualizing.

I figured that the human brain was powerful, and if I could make myself cum by thought, breath, and energy alone, I could cum while doing just about anything:

After a teenage heartache and asking myself, “What did I actually like about him?” I concluded that, if it really was about sex, that was something I could fulfill for myself.

I didn’t need any man—I didn’t need my hands, either. I needed little more than my brain, my spine, and my sheer force of will.

It took me a couple of weeks of meditation, but I did it: I made myself cum by breathing and clenching when I was 19 or 20.

Over a decade later, I don’t just believe in the magic of sex or the power of the brain anymore — I know sex is magic.

How I keep expanding my orgasmic capacity

I’ve expanded my pleasure practice through ritual and repetition — or, in layman’s terms, making a habit out of meditation and masturbation.

Every time I have another orgasm and another orgasm, I’m reinforcing that pathway and strengthening the neural connections in my brain.

Sometimes, pathways are discovered, sometimes they’re built, and sometimes wires get crossed into kinks.

Cervical orgasms via deep penetration were unlocked for me relatively early on, but other orgasm cues I’ve cultivated include:

• Tip drilling or tapping on the outside (to the point where I’d joke, “You can save me in your phone contacts as Cyra Trigger Tap”)

• My underwear seam rubbing on my clit

• My nipple being bitten (and cumming nearly instantly)
• Other intensely concentrated, well-timed pain when I’m on the edge, even if just a direct clit swipe
• Cumming while giving a blowjob because I was just SO FUCKING EXCITED

…and so many more.

I didn’t consciously set out to cum in so many different ways — not every orgasm cue was planned — but my past self imprinted my subconscious mind with that intention. With every act of pleasure, I showed my brain and body, “Yes, this practice is important; pay attention,” like refining my laser focus on what felt good.

Being stupidly horny itself turned into a turn-on that looped and grew the more I fixated on it (and came again and again). Once I was in that suggestible headspace, whatever I did next became more erotically charged and intensely connected to pleasure in my mind.

In short: oops, I created another kink. The brain is a funny place.

I find that I’m generally happier when I’m open to possibilities and a wide range of (fMRI-supported!) ways to feel good. I want to make room for all kinds of enthusiastically risk-aware and consensual pleasure.

That’s what I mean by expanding orgasms everywhere and making vanilla a spice again.

— FAQ: Why do you write about sex toys? How did that start?

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Further Reading & Recommendations:

Want to prime your pleasure pathways? Start where you are, and be open to the possibilities that unfold.