Can you still enjoy sex with a partner after using all those toys?

The short answer: yes! I enjoy sex with a part­ner more the more I use sex toys.

The long answer is that explor­ing my body with sex toys has:

• Trained my brain and body to respond with plea­sure to a wide range of stimuli
• Made me more aware of what works for me, in terms of step­ping on my “arousal accel­er­a­tor” and reach­ing orgasm, and hav­ing more orgasms
• Given some­thing to clench around, fur­ther strength­en­ing my pelvic floor via reg­u­lar exercise.
• Given me the option to show my part­ner what works for me
• Allowed me to enjoy pen­e­tra­tion even when my part­ner was too tired to stay hard
• Added nov­el­ty, sug­ar, spice, and plen­ty of things nice — using toys togeth­er is quite fun!
• Strengthened my bound­aries — if I know what I can do for myself, and what’s pos­si­ble, I feel com­fort­able say­ing “no” to the wrong peo­ple for me. Then, I’m free to find the right peo­ple for me.

In short, sex toys — even huge dil­dos and whirl­wind wand mas­sagers — made me more sen­si­tive and respon­sive to part­ner play, with or with­out a toy. And the repeat­ed, intense orgasms I’ve expe­ri­enced yield repeat­ed, intense con­trac­tions. I’m able to squeeze tight­ly for long peri­ods of time, which feels fan­tas­tic to both my part­ner and me.

It's not just what you do, but how you do it:

• I'm present in my body, pay­ing atten­tion to every lit­tle sensation.
• I take my time to focus my mind on plea­sur­able thoughts; the mag­ic begins from with­in. If I'm stressed, I slow down to stretch, breathe, and maybe fan­ta­size first — I don't expect a toy to do all the work for me.
• I mix up the sen­sa­tions so that my brain is accus­tomed to orgasms from many routes. I find that, when peo­ple get into a rut, it may be because they reach for the same toy on the same set­ting over and over again. Sometimes, ol' reli­able isn't what I need; I check in with myself about whether a wand is what I'm actu­al­ly crav­ing, or if it's just con­ve­nient. Sometimes, less real­ly is more.

Also, while I per­son­al­ly don’t need a vibra­tor to orgasm, there are many dif­fer­ent ways plea­sure can look.

For one, not every­one is built like me. And also, pref­er­ences change. It's okay to:

• Go through phas­es of dis­cov­er­ing intense turn-ons
• Discover that maybe what used to work for you doesn't anymore
• Use toys with a part­ner to cum
• Enjoy sex but with­out orgasm
• If you enjoy self-​pleasure but just don’t care for part­ner play

A big part of hav­ing a great sex life is get­ting curi­ous about what works for you — and redis­cov­er­ing that over and over again.

Further reading:

• How do you make your­self cum so easily?
• 4 men­tal hang-​ups about vibra­tors I've got­ten over
• Why "vibra­tor addic­tion" is bullshit

Super Smash Cache

PLEASURE PRINCESS. COMPACT, HIGH-​CAPACITY HUMAN. CERVIX SORCERESS.

I've test­ed over 400 sex toys and love div­ing deep for cer­vi­cal orgasms, A‑spot stim­u­la­tion, and kinky odysseys into the subconscious.

Mesmerizing mind­fuck­ing or phys­i­cal fist­ing? Opening books or legs? Why not all of the above?

Can't get enough?

Read more about me, my FAQs, and my plea­sure protocol/​philosophy
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