Emojibator Chickie Review: Chick Emoji Clitoral Suction vibrator

I've heard of iso­lat­ed inci­dents of cli­toral suc­tion toys caus­ing users bruis­ing. The rumors sound­ed dis­tant, like urban leg­ends or stats that I'd nev­er per­son­al­ly encounter. It wasn't until I tried the Emojibator Chickie that shit got too real.

My cervix paid trib­ute for my review of the vag-​shocking Impulse Intimate E‑stim Wand. And with the Emojibator Chickie, it was my clit's turn.

Unlike the Womanizer and Satisfyer pres­sure wave toys, which pulse the air in the cham­ber back-​and-​forth, the Emojibator Chickie offers one-​way cli­toral suc­tion. That makes it unique among toys I've tried, but that doesn't make it useful.

"The Butt Chicken" a.k.a. the Emojibator Chickie

My fel­low review­ers call this toy The Butt Chicken for a rea­son. About 25% of this THICC chick's body is booty. It's quite the oppo­site of what peo­ple imag­ine when they think "chick­en legs." (I'm not ashamed to admit that I Googled, "can chick­ens do squats?" But what is Google's pur­pose, if not for asi­nine inquiries you're too embar­rassed to ask a human?)

It's not canon to the chick emo­ji, as far as I know. But there's no deny­ing that it sparks joy in my heart to view this lop­sided crea­ture and behead it to expose the cli­toral suc­tion noz­zle. Ah yes, noth­ing sex­i­er than a toy where you shove a sev­ered neck against your bits. I laugh at every­thing about the setup.

The Emojibator Chickie's over­all frame is true to size. Dainty and only a lit­tle big­ger than a large chick­en egg, it's remark­able how some­thing so cute can be so men­ac­ing. Even its eyes, which look in slight­ly dif­fer­ent direc­tions, are more endear­ing than any­thing else.

I stroked the silky-​smooth mat­te sil­i­cone and exam­ined the details. The Emojibator Chickie is still adorable from every angle. Three bumps on The Chickie's head com­prise its comb. On its feet are two con­trol but­tons: one to turn it on and cycle through the vibra­tions, and the oth­er to cycle through the suction.

Emojibator Chickie vibrations

The Emojibator Chickie's cute­ness ends once I hold the "on" but­ton. I wouldn't pay $89 for the Chickie. I wouldn't even pay $29 for it. Not when The Chickie's vibra­tions are buzzi­er and weak­er than the mosquito-​like VeDO Bam Mini.

At least the Bam Mini is pow­er­ful enough for me to get off on a pat­tern because the tip is pointy and the vibra­tions are con­cen­trat­ed. Even an elec­tric tooth­brush has that going for it. The Chickie's motor, mean­while, is in its round AF rump. And there's noth­ing left by the time the vibra­tions trav­el to The Chickie's comb, which is what I was more look­ing for­ward to using.

The Chickie's vibra­tions are use­less. I could have a shit­ty orgasm with them dur­ing an oth­er­wise good day, except attempt­ing that would put me in a worse mood. It's a pity that the Chickie can't com­pare to a cheap bul­let that costs less than a third of its price. That alone is enough to earn two X's on my list of sex toys I own.

Worst sex toy I've ever tried

But it gets even more dis­mal— the Emojibator Chickie is per­haps the worst sex toy I have ever tried. The bare min­i­mum of a sex toy that doesn't suck (no pun intend­ed) is that it doesn't cause me phys­i­cal pain.

Sure, the Chickie is body-​safe and not porous, but using its suc­tion feels like putting my clit in Satan's but­t­hole. Not in a kinky way, but in a fire and brim­stone way.

My lippy clitoral hood vs. clitoral suction toys

Clitoral toys like the Emojibator Chickie work with the assump­tion that your junk can fit inside the suc­tion noz­zle. I don't con­sid­er my cli­toris large, so that has nev­er been an issue for me with the Womanizer Classic or Satisfyer Pro Plus Vibration.

If any­thing, my cli­toris itself is on the small side. My cli­toral hood, how­ev­er, is super fleshy, and that doesn't jive well with the Chickie. Your anato­my might be a bet­ter match, but even in that case, I'd rec­om­mend you stay away.

Think of the suc­tion noz­zles' inte­ri­ors as fun­nels. The Chickie's is a shal­low fun­nel with a very nar­row and tight stem. The Womanizer Liberty's fun­nel cone is a lit­tle deep­er and with a sub­stan­tial­ly wider stem than the Chickie's. Maybe three or four times as wide. Its stem is also long enough that my cli­toris run­ning out of space isn't a con­cern for me.

The definition of "fucking ugh"

With the Chickie, there's just about enough room to fit my clit and part of its hood. Initially, the suc­tion does noth­ing for me. Maybe it's not sealed cor­rect­ly? Nope, it's undoubt­ed­ly latch­ing on. I adjust the angle a tad and feel a sharp, abrupt pain in my clit. As if The Chickie's suc­tion is try­ing to pull my cli­toris against (or into) the funnel's nar­row stem.

At best, the suc­tion is use­less and loud. Like a buzzer or an old flip phone's vibra­tions rat­tling against a hard table. If you thought the Chickie would be a dis­creet cli­toral toy, you are sore­ly mis­tak­en. At worst, the sharp angles inside the "fun­nel" feel like a tense­ly toothy blowjob.

Yeah, I like pin­point pres­sure when applied over my clit hood, but hell to the no if it's direct­ly against my clit, espe­cial­ly with no lube. If I were a Bad Place demon tor­tur­ing humans, I'd be delight­ed to reverse-​engineer this and pair The Butt Chicken with some Butthole Spiders.

Emojibator Chickie Cherrypub Bluetooth app

But wait, there's more. Check out this delight­ful page of the instruc­tion pam­phlet. "No man or woman is worth your tears, and the one," the first screen­shot remind­ed me.  And those graph­ics, though.  I've come pret­ty fuck­ing hard with the VixSkin Gambler, but I don't think I've ever come hard enough to sprout a mustache.

"When con­nect­ed, there are 3 dif­fer­ent play method, click any­one you like to start the joy­ful jour­ney. Click 8 modes to con­trol vibra­tion and suc­tion on Cherrypub APP"

The app has 2.8 stars in the Google Play shop. I didn't take that as a good sign until I read the neg­a­tive reviews. The app wouldn't con­nect to the toys, they said. My heart beat a lit­tle faster. Could it be? Will it not con­nect to the Butt Chicken?

Sure enough, the Chickie wouldn't pair with my phone app. YESSSSSS! I don't have to con­tin­ue using this fuck­ing thing!

My verdict on the Emojibator Chickie

The Emojibator Chickie is an over­priced gag gift— cute enough for me to keep, but too expen­sive for me to rec­om­mend my read­ers buy, even if only for the shig­gles. It's some­thing I'd enjoy tak­ing pho­tos of in the shop to show to a friend. But I'd nev­er actu­al­ly buy it.

For less than half of The Chickie's price, you could buy a Satisfyer Pro Traveler. Better yet, get a Satisfyer Pro Traveler and a Maia Jessi. You could even throw in an I Rub My Duckie if you so eager­ly want a sex toy that's cheap, kitschy, and sex geeky. And the total would still be less than the price of one Emojibator Chickie. All three toys are petite and dis­creet (as is every­thing on this list of sex toys that fit inside my sun­glass­es case).

I don't buy my sex toys mere­ly to look at their cute­ness. Moreover, I don't buy clit toys that teach me pain. And to the Emojibator Chickie, I say, "Thank u, next."

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Great news! SheVibe pulled the Chickie from their shop after I post­ed this review. You're welcome.