"Hey, I want your thoughts on this vibrator's safe­ty warn­ings list," I mes­saged a friend.

"I don't know where this is going, but it's already my favorite part of the day," he responded.

You see, the Cal Exotics Impulse Intimate E‑stimulation Wand is a G‑spot vibra­tor with zinc alloy plates that shock the user's vagi­na. Electrostimulation (or e‑stim for short) can be light and tingly, or prick­ly, or in this case, deep and intense and muscle-​twitch-​inducing. Its puls­es' pen­e­trat­ing qual­i­ty cause invol­un­tary pelvic floor con­trac­tions for auto­mat­ed Kegeling. No con­scious thought required.

But that's prob­a­bly my least favorite thing about this vibra­tor. If any­thing, the thing I like most about it is the rich roy­al blue sil­i­cone and how its over­all appear­ance with the met­al plates reminds me of the Ravenclaw Hogwarts house. That's it.

2020 UPDATE: Read my review of the Petite G Cal Exotics Intimate E‑Stimulation wand. The small­er edi­tions of this toy are waaaaaay bet­ter, thanks to the shape and con­duc­tive plate placement.

The Cal Exotics Impulse E-stim wand's shape and vibrations

It's such a shame that the shaft is so flex­i­ble. With firmer sil­i­cone, this vibra­tor and my G‑spot could have been friends. Instead, it's like the fuc­cboi who only responds to you if he ini­ti­at­ed the con­ver­sa­tion. It's some­times G‑spotty enough if I'm already aroused and close to orgasm anyway.

My cervix and A‑spot enjoy the Impulse Intimate E‑stim wand's bulge and shal­low curve, but I don't see it ever being my first choice when I could grab a BS Atelier Max, Desirables Dalia, or Uberrime Night King instead.

The vibra­tions are quite run-​of-​the-​mill — nei­ther amaz­ing nor amaz­ing­ly dread­ful. Enough to come, but surface-​level and need­ing a high pitch to com­pen­sate for the lack of ampli­tude on the fastest of the three speed settings.

Let's be real, though: you prob­a­bly didn't vis­it to find out about the vibrator's stan­dard fea­tures. More like­ly, you want­ed to know whether the E‑stim is worth it— and whether it's safe.

Vaginal electrostimulation safety guidelines

The exten­sive safe­ty warn­ings list is akin to a pre­scrip­tion drug com­mer­cial. Contraindications galore in a fast but sto­ic voice-​over. The scene changes to smil­ing peo­ple play­ing with a dog out­side in the sun. This vibrator's guide­lines com­prise 17 full-​sentence bul­let points, which appear on the pro­mo video for all of two sec­onds. You can find the full list on the Impulse Intimate E‑Stimulator Wand prod­uct page.

Nine of the stip­u­la­tions start with "Do not use if…" My favorite is "Do not use if you have dimin­ished men­tal capac­i­ty or phys­i­cal competence."

Part of me reg­is­ters it as delight­ful­ly back-​handed, like "Do not try to stop chain­saw with hands." Another part of me thinks, "I get it. Do what­ev­er you have to do to cov­er your ass." Either way, I'm going to The Bad Place for chuck­ling at the watered-​down legalese.

For those who can safe­ly use elec­tri­cal stim­u­la­tion, there are a few prac­ti­cal usage guide­lines for the Impulse Intimate E‑stim wand:

• Always emp­ty your blad­der pri­or to using this product
• Ensure prod­uct is ful­ly insert­ed before activating
• Ensure prod­uct is turned off before removing
• Ensure prod­uct is turned off before washing
• Do not use this prod­uct in or around water

All sol­id advice. I'm rel­a­tive­ly priv­i­leged health-​wise, so with a sprin­kle of com­mon sense, this elec­tros­tim­u­la­tion vibra­tor is safe for me to use. The risks aren't the deter­rent. Not when the safe­ty con­cerns pale in com­par­i­son to how awful the elec­tros­tim­u­la­tion feels.

But how does the Cal Exotics Impulse Intimate e-stim wand feel?

Upon turn­ing on the Impulse E‑stimulator, it's imme­di­ate­ly too much for me. The inten­si­ty wavers, pre­sum­ably to facil­i­tate squeez­ing and rest­ing dur­ing Kegels, but it abrupt­ly starts at the peak of the wave. It'd be more for­giv­able if there were any sub­tle­ty, but no.

The Impulse's con­duc­tive plates are near the tip, mean­ing that I have to be care­ful of how I tilt the vibra­tor, lest it press­es against my cer­vi­cal os. It's not exact­ly easy to avoid because, giv­en the vibe's swelling shaft and tip, my vag tends to suck it all the way inside.

The lit­er­al shock to my cervix is one of the most ungod­ly sen­sa­tions I have ever felt. I've nev­er giv­en birth, but I imag­ine that hav­ing labor con­trac­tions induced feels some­thing like the California Exotics Impulse E‑stimulator wand against the neck of my womb.

"It feels like it's pulling my cervix!" I told a part­ner. To which he respond­ed, "How can you be so sure it's not?"

And he's right— for all I know, the Impulse E‑stim wand pos­si­bly did induce cer­vi­cal mus­cle spasms for me. There's some smooth mus­cu­la­ture in the cervix that allows it to open and close. I can't con­scious­ly con­trol it, but it's unsur­pris­ing that E‑stim could make those mus­cles twitch. One of its med­ical appli­ca­tions is, after all, facil­i­tat­ing Kegel exer­cis­es in peo­ple who strug­gle with pelvic floor control.

Comparison: Cal Ex Impulse vs. MyStim Tickling Truman electrosex vibrator

I've used elec­tros­tim­u­la­tion toys for fun in the past, but this Impulse E‑stim wand design feels rel­a­tive­ly unre­fined and hack­ish. Consider the MyStim elec­tro­sex vibes, in con­trast. They offer a vari­ety of inten­si­ties and pat­terns of E‑stim, from surface-​level tin­gles and prickles.

There's only one Kegel set­ting on the MyStim Tickling Truman, but it deliv­ers grad­ual, con­trolled squeeze-​and-​release puls­es of elec­tric­i­ty to the mus­cles around my vagi­na. The big­ger plates are low­er down on the shaft, and the e‑stim more tar­get­ed. As it should be— tech­nique is essen­tial in a workout.

The Impulse is utter chaos. I have come using its elec­tros­tim­u­la­tion alone, sure. However, most times with this toy, my cervix feels like it's spas­ming, my vagi­na isn't get­ting a work­out, and my but­t­hole twitch­es. And not an enjoy­able twitch­ing. It's not like when you're so aroused that all of your junk throbs. It's more like an aggra­va­tion twitch when argu­ing with strangers on the inter­net, which isn't far from how I feel about this vibra­tor. (If you gen­uine­ly enjoy inter­net argu­ments, then you and I are of entire­ly dif­fer­ent species.)

Listen to your body, dear readers

I'd love the brag­ging rights of say­ing that I also con­quered the most intense elec­tros­tim­u­la­tion set­ting on the CalEx Impulse wand. But despite my com­pet­i­tive nature, I wouldn't love that near­ly as much as I love turn­ing this fuck­ing thing off and putting some­thing else in my vagi­na instead.

To the Impulse's cred­it, the inten­si­ties have pleas­ant incre­ments between them. It's not a sig­nif­i­cant jump between the first set­ting and sec­ond set­ting. "The sec­ond set­ting doesn't feel as intense­ly unhealthy as I thought it would, I guess," isn't exact­ly a com­pli­ment. However, it is one of the kind­est things I could say about this toy. I refuse to turn up the elec­tros­tim­u­la­tion any more than that, for the sake of my phys­i­cal and men­tal health.

On paper, it sounds like the list of con­traindi­ca­tions accounts for every­thing. However, it didn't include a key piece of com­mon sense that doesn't trans­late neat­ly to legalese: LISTEN TO YOUR BODY, FOOL. If it hurts, stop using it!

Insertable e-stimulation / electrosex toys for beginners

I ful­ly under­stand the allure of try­ing some­thing new, though. Your mileage may vary from mine. If you must have a self-​contained e‑stim vibra­tor, let me sug­gest anoth­er option.

California Exotics Impulse Intimate E‑Stimulator Petite or Petite G

Get the Impulse Intimate E‑Stimulator Petite G instead. The bulge is short­er and more volup­tuous, so it's more intu­itive to keep less of it insert­ed. It doesn't rest all the way inside, and there's less cervix irri­ta­tion. PLUS, it's way more G‑spotty AND A‑spotty!

If you try the Petite mod­els and you don't like the Impulse line's e‑stim, you're out a lit­tle less cash.

Offering afford­able choic­es is a pri­or­i­ty to me, and I think it's valid to want a cheap E‑stim vibra­tor. Just remem­ber that not all e‑stim vibes feel the way the California Exotics Impulse line does. Some, like the MyStim vibra­tors, are more tingly and less prickly.

In the mean­time, elec­tro­sex is still very much a niche mar­ket, full of shock­ing dis­ap­point­ments like the Impulse Intimate E‑Stim Wand by California Exotics. The only thing I love about it is the way it looks. That's it. Beyond that, its vibra­tions and elec­tros­tim­u­la­tion epit­o­mize "meh." Get the Petite ver­sion of the Cal Exotics Impulse wand and save mon­ey, or splurge and get some­thing better.

---

SheVibe sent me the Impulse Intimate Electrostimulator Wand by California Exotics in exchange for my freely-​given and hon­est review. Thank you, SheVibe!