How do you make yourself cum so easily?

If some­thing felt like unlock­ing a secret on the fringes of human knowl­edge, I loved it.

I've always liked learn­ing about sci­ence and the occult — I want­ed to know everything.

So I'd hear or read about some­one who could reach orgasm just by sheer force of will and think, "That's gonna be me."

How my orgasm journey started

It wasn't super easy to believe in my capac­i­ty for plea­sure in ear­ly col­lege — when I hooked up with 18- and 19-​year-​old guys who didn't know what they were doing.

But I ulti­mate­ly decid­ed that I wasn't going to let the nar­ra­tive of "Male orgasms are sim­ple and a giv­en, but female orgasms are dif­fi­cult and rare" be my destiny.

I’m unsure how I dis­cov­ered Barbara Carellas or Annie Sprinkle. But I heard about Barbara’s MRI scans at Rutgers University, show­ing activ­i­ty and evi­dence that she, in fact, had orgasms by breath­ing, clench­ing, and visualizing.

I fig­ured that the human brain was pow­er­ful, and if I could make myself cum by thought, breath, and ener­gy alone, I could cum while doing just about anything:

After a teenage heartache and ask­ing myself, “What did I actu­al­ly like about him?” I con­clud­ed that, if it real­ly was about sex, that was some­thing I could ful­fill for myself.

I didn’t need any man—I didn’t need my hands, either. I need­ed lit­tle more than my brain, my spine, and my sheer force of will.

It took me a cou­ple of weeks of med­i­ta­tion, but I did it: I made myself cum by breath­ing and clench­ing when I was 19 or 20.

Over a decade lat­er, I don’t just believe in the mag­ic of sex or the pow­er of the brain any­more — I know sex is magic.

How I keep expanding my orgasmic capacity

I've expand­ed my plea­sure prac­tice through rit­u­al and rep­e­ti­tion — or, in layman's terms, mak­ing a habit out of med­i­ta­tion and masturbation.

Every time I have anoth­er orgasm and anoth­er orgasm, I'm rein­forc­ing that path­way and strength­en­ing the neur­al con­nec­tions in my brain.

Sometimes, path­ways are dis­cov­ered, some­times they're built, and some­times wires get crossed into kinks.

Cervical orgasms via deep pen­e­tra­tion were unlocked for me rel­a­tive­ly ear­ly on, but oth­er orgasm cues I've cul­ti­vat­ed include:

• Tip drilling or tap­ping on the out­side (to the point where I'd joke, "You can save me in your phone con­tacts as Cyra Trigger Tap")

• My under­wear seam rub­bing on my clit

• My nip­ple being bit­ten (and cum­ming near­ly instantly)
• Other intense­ly con­cen­trat­ed, well-​timed pain when I'm on the edge, even if just a direct clit swipe
• Cumming while giv­ing a blowjob because I was just SO FUCKING EXCITED

…and so many more.

I didn't con­scious­ly set out to cum in so many dif­fer­ent ways — not every orgasm cue was planned — but my past self imprint­ed my sub­con­scious mind with that inten­tion. With every act of plea­sure, I showed my brain and body, "Yes, this prac­tice is impor­tant; pay atten­tion," like refin­ing my laser focus on what felt good.

Being stu­pid­ly horny itself turned into a turn-​on that looped and grew the more I fix­at­ed on it (and came again and again). Once I was in that sug­gestible head­space, what­ev­er I did next became more erot­i­cal­ly charged and intense­ly con­nect­ed to plea­sure in my mind.

In short: oops, I cre­at­ed anoth­er kink. The brain is a fun­ny place.

I find that I'm gen­er­al­ly hap­pi­er when I'm open to pos­si­bil­i­ties and a wide range of (fMRI-​supported!) ways to feel good. I want to make room for all kinds of enthu­si­as­ti­cal­ly risk-​aware and con­sen­su­al pleasure.

That's what I mean by expand­ing orgasms every­where and mak­ing vanil­la a spice again.

— FAQ: Why do you write about sex toys? How did that start?

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Further Reading & Recommendations:

Want to prime your plea­sure path­ways? Start where you are, and be open to the pos­si­bil­i­ties that unfold.