Even the most sup­port­ive friends can have misconceptions.

"I don't know how you still have sen­si­tiv­i­ty," I often hear when I talk about my We-​Vibe Tango. "Don't vibra­tors numb you? I mean, a man can't com­pete with that."

My short answer is, "No, vibra­tors don't numb you."

My long answer is, "Not nec­es­sar­i­ly, but tech­nique mat­ters. People's tastes can change over time, and that's going to hap­pen either way, whether you use vibra­tors or not."

1. Vibrator intensity isn't a problem; repetition can be

Repetition is what can become a prob­lem. A wor­ried state of mind about a vibra­tor ruin­ing your sex­u­al response is what can become a problem.

It's most­ly if you use one toy, on the same set­ting, in the same way, every sin­gle time. In that case, your body might get con­di­tioned to respond to those one or two uni­form meth­ods, but that depends on how quick­ly the per­son gets caught in a rut.

If you have a vibra­tor that you use on many set­tings, mov­ing it around your vul­va, mix­ing it in with mas­tur­bat­ing the way you did before you had toys, your body gets con­di­tioned to respond to those vibra­tions AND what it respond­ed to before.

If you're focused on what feels plea­sur­able, instead of fret­ting about whether you're going to orgasm, you're in a more respon­sive state of mind. What's more, using a vibra­tor can lead to long-​term ben­e­fits. The perks include increas­es in sen­si­tiv­i­ty because, 1.) you get to know your body bet­ter, and 2.) you're increas­ing blood flow to the area.

2. A vibrator can only cause temporary numbness

Sure, the uni­form motion of a vibra­tor might cause TEMPORARY numb­ness as your body fil­ters out repet­i­tive sen­so­ry infor­ma­tion it doesn't need. It's sim­i­lar to how you're not aware of the sound of your fan or air con­di­tion­er after hear­ing it all the time.

But hard­ly any­one has their vibra­tor turned on and attached to them 24/​7. You can start low and turn the toy up as you progress in the ses­sion. With nor­mal use, the numb­ing effect fades a few min­utes after­ward and is not a prob­lem in the long run.

3. Sexual ruts can happen even without a vibrator

What peo­ple think is long-​term desen­si­ti­za­tion due to intense stim­u­la­tion, is more often an issue of get­ting into a rut and being habit­u­at­ed to one form of stim­u­la­tion. That could hap­pen when you mas­tur­bate to a par­tic­u­lar kind of porn and noth­ing else for a long time.

That could hap­pen if you get com­pla­cent with a part­ner and don't mix things up, doing the same sequence and posi­tion every time. That could hap­pen if you grow so incred­i­bly close to a part­ner that you orgasm at their com­mand, but feel down­right weird the first time you hook up with some­one else.

And yes, get­ting habit­u­at­ed could hap­pen if you use a vibra­tor, but could the same could be said about attach­ment to any repeat­ed stimulation.

4. It's okay if someone can't get off without a vibrator.

If some­one wasn't orgas­mic with­out a vibra­tor, but eas­i­ly orgasmed once they tried one, it's not the ibrator's fault.

It just means that the oth­er meth­ods didn't work for their bod­ies that well. They're just doing what they've dis­cov­ered does work for them.

Let's imag­ine you don't fan­cy pis­ta­chio ice cream, but it was the only fla­vor wher­ev­er you went. You one day find an ice cream par­lor that also served man­go, lemon, and rasp­ber­ry sor­bets. They're frig­gin' deli­cious! It's not like the man­go sor­bet sud­den­ly made you find pis­ta­chio unpalatable.

It might raise your stan­dards for how good ice cream can be, but you had always dis­liked pis­ta­chio, to begin with. You're still excit­ed that you've found some­thing dif­fer­ent you like, and that's okay. Not every­one has to love pistachio.

But what about having orgasms with a partner?

Maybe you're on a date, and your part­ner likes pis­ta­chio, but you like man­go. You can order:

• One fla­vor to share this time and the oth­er the next
• A scoop of each in the same bowl and chow down
• Separate bowls

That is, you can take turns hav­ing your part­ner focus on your plea­sure, or a vibra­tor on your­self while plea­sur­ing them. Vibrators add vari­ety. They only "ruin" penis-​in-​vag if you let them.

And yes, some peo­ple like both pis­ta­chio ice cream AND tart fruit sor­bets because they're dif­fer­ent. The small, uni­form pres­sure changes from a vibra­tor don't make the larg­er rub­bing motions of a fin­ger obso­lete. Vibrators aren't inher­ent­ly more intense or bet­ter or worse than man­u­al stim­u­la­tion. They're just different.

5. Having a car doesn't ruin walking

In the case of extreme­ly pow­er­ful vibra­tors, it's kind of like hav­ing a car. Having a car doesn't ruin walking.

Sometimes you have more time to get to a place close by, and walk­ing isn't a big deal. Sometimes you dri­ve to the cor­ner store because you're just feel­ing lazy. Some peo­ple have lifestyles where they need to take long com­mutes, while oth­ers can walk every­where they need to go.

Someone who walks less MIGHT be less phys­i­cal­ly fit, but there's no inher­ent rea­son most peo­ple can't dri­ve AND stay in prac­tice with exer­cise. Cars and vibra­tors are mere­ly tools.

6. Sex toys don't replace people

Finally, you can also spoon-​feed your part­ner their favorite ice cream fla­vor. Sure, they CAN enjoy ice cream on their own, and that's valid. But expe­ri­enc­ing some­thing already fan­tas­tic with some­one who makes your heart skip makes it even better.

Ice cream and vibra­tors are plea­sur­able things, and cars are use­ful to have, but they don't replace human company.

Even with the tasti­ness and con­ve­nience of ice cream by your­self, an ice cream date can still be fun, and even with a car, you can enjoy a prom­e­nade with someone.