Why do you write about sexuality & sex toys? How did that passion start?

So many facets of my life con­verged into sex blog­ging — includ­ing my apa­thy towards hookup cul­ture and my explo­ration of med­i­ta­tion to orgasm.

But if I had to choose just two piv­otal moments, they would be:

• When I was 18 and decid­ing which toys to add to my spicy wish­list, won­der­ing, “What the fuck even is jel­ly?”
• When I was 23 and fuck­ing loved cer­vi­cal orgasms — while also tired of sweep­ing gen­er­al­iza­tions about women's pref­er­ences in the bed­room. I felt like an out­lier for lov­ing deep pen­e­tra­tion even more than cli­toral stim­u­la­tion. So I stepped up to be the rep­re­sen­ta­tion I want­ed to see in the indus­try — and col­lab­o­rat­ed to cre­ate cocks I love.

Oh, how the toy land­scape has changed since I start­ed! Let's break it down.

[E]xpanding orgasms every­where and mak­ing vanil­la a spice again.

Why I started writing about sex toy materials

What is this mys­tery mate­r­i­al that cheap sex toys are made of? And why did that one sex shop site tell me to lick a toy to see if my tongue would go numb? That's not very reas­sur­ing to a shopper!

If some­thing goes inside me, know­ing what it con­tains is crit­i­cal. A sex toy not harm­ing a human is the bare min­i­mum standard.

I learned many alarm­ing things about tox­ic sex toy mate­ri­als, includ­ing that they:

• Are porous, allow­ing germs to grow under the surface
• Can melt, leech plas­tic soft­en­ers, and pos­si­bly irri­tate your tissues
• Contain endocrine dis­rupters, mean­ing they affect your repro­duc­tive health
• And yes, it's true that cheap sex toys can con­tain carcinogens

There’s no reg­u­la­tion on how toy mate­ri­als are labeled in the indus­try. I've had friends ask, "Why would it be legal to sell if it was harm­ful?" — not real­iz­ing that sex toy mate­r­i­al safe­ty isn't a top­ic most politi­cians would want to touch.

It wasn’t com­mon knowl­edge at the time, and I want­ed more peo­ple to know that.

The state of the sex toy industry back then

Nowadays, the aver­age con­sumer is more aware of the impor­tance of high-​quality materials.

But that didn't hap­pen overnight; it was a slow spread made pos­si­ble by the blogs of the 2010s. (Hi, you're read­ing one now!)

• Sex toy review­ers and inde­pen­dent sex shops edu­cat­ed shop­pers on what to look for…
• Which shift­ed buy­er demand…
• Which incen­tivized man­u­fac­tur­ers to pri­or­i­tize body-​safe sex toys…
• Which means less guess­work and more great toys that won't break the bank!

I don't take for grant­ed every­thing it took to get here.

But I didn’t want to stop at the bare min­i­mum for a sex toy that doesn’t suck — one that doesn’t harm human tissues.

I want­ed to share sto­ries of the toys that took my plea­sure to the next level.

Why I wanted to dive deeper (literally)

Cervix stim­u­la­tion was piv­otal to my pleasure.

It's not about jack­ham­mer­ing; it's about finesse and rhythm once you're all the way in. The orgasms feel deep, full-​bodied, build­able, like I could have many back-​to-​back with just anoth­er nudge or shift of my weight.

Cervix mas­sage via deep pen­e­tra­tion — stim­u­lat­ing the vagus, pelvic, and hypogas­tric nerves— is my favorite way to get off.

And some peo­ple find that con­tentious, con­sid­er­ing that the cli­toris is the MVP for most women. 

Here's the thing: the MVP for oth­er women isn't at odds with what works for me. Why not advo­cate for both and more?

I love all kinds of plea­sure:

• Cervical orgasms
• Clitoral orgasms
• Nipple orgasms
• Breath and ener­gy orgasms
• Orgasms from pain
• Orgasms from just being real­ly fuck­ing turned on, hear­ing your partner's voice, psych­ing your­self out when cuddling
• Vanilla, kinky — you name it!

I find that I'm gen­er­al­ly hap­pi­er when I'm open to pos­si­bil­i­ties and a wide range of (fMRI-​supported!) ways to feel good. I want to make room for all kinds of enthu­si­as­ti­cal­ly risk-​aware and con­sen­su­al pleasure.

That's what I mean by expand­ing orgasms every­where and mak­ing vanil­la a spice again.

Further reading

• How do you make your­self cum so easily?