“It looks like Squidward, with an erection, beckoning you to fight him,” said a friend upon his first impression of this toy. Later on, he compared it to a bunched-up rendition of Squidward’s “masterpiece” self-portrait. It’s not quite a...
Buzzy is skin-deep. Rumbly is to the bone (sometimes). “Rumbly” and “buzzy” are two descriptors that sex bloggers use to describe vibration quality. The former is deep and often low-pitched, while the latter is surface-level or irritatingly high-pitched. What...
If you’re overwhelmed by the air pulse/clitoral suction toy options on the market, I don’t blame you! Womanizer is the pioneer and most well-known, but many other companies have hopped on the bandwagon. The options are endless! Today, we’re...
Behold the Zumio E — the best Zumio model yet! I ADORED the Zumio X Classic when I first tried it. At the time, its concentration of power was unprecedented; RUMBLY pinpoint oscillations are rare in Toyland. And the...
The Le Wand Arch gives me yet another reason to love stainless steel dildos! Many metal sex toys I’ve tried are god-tier (or at least close to it) by fierce pressure and effortless momentum. These heirloom-quality beasts bully the...
I need to purge my editorial calendar of this shit, okay? The LELO Sona 2 and Sona 2 Cruise have been sitting the review queue for months. It’s not even that I don’t enjoy them, but I must warn...
If you’ve ever felt like wands had too much drab and not enough fab, you’ll want to read today’s review. The ROMP Flip and Blush Nöje W4 are both compact and rechargeable mini-wand massagers with vibrant color schemes —...
Hot Octopuss knows their rumbly motors from powerful bullets to oscillating guybrators penis masturbators. Perhaps their fanciest creation is the Pulse Duo Lux, a couples’ vibrator that claims to do it all. I’m in the “any toy can be...
You don’t fuck with perfection. Why did Le Wand try to do that again? My single favorite dildo is the njoy Eleven. Beyond its sexy exterior and lethal construction, there’s a reason it’s in my avatar. Simply, the njoy...
Despite its average-sounding name, Mr. Hankey’s Topher Michels medium dildo is anything but that. Don’t be fooled: with a 2.68″ diameter near the shaft, this dildo looks gargantuan next to my other “realistic” toys. I put “realistic” in...
Today, I’m reviewing three basic but be-a-Uu-tiful G-spot dildos! In this fast-blast round-up, there’s a little something-something old (the Tantus Sport), something new (the Silc Arts Renaissance), nothing borrowed (I wouldn’t be comfortable with that), and something blue (the...
Today’s review is a blast from the past, featuring the Zeus Arcana electrosex wand. It delivers electrical shocks and vibration in one self-contained unit. That might sound futuristic to some. Still, this massager comes from an era where wavy...