Latest posts on Super Smash Cache

Velvet Thruster Jackie handheld fucking machine review

Velvet Thruster review: self-thrusting dildo & portable fucking machine

I’m so lazy in bed that I don’t even take my pants off to use clit vibes. My spoiled disposition means I’m down for anything that does most of the work for me. For penetration, the Velvet Thruster does precisely that. It’s a self-contained fucking machine that delivers 3-inch thrusts, up to 140 times a minute....

A guide to organizing your sex tools for easy access and fun presentation!

5 ways to optimize sex toy storage and organization!

If you don’t have the freedom to display a metric fuckton of sex toys, could you say you’re living life to the fullest? Upon moving into an apartment with my boyfriend, it’s the first time in YEARS that I’ve had that option. The cherry on top is the built-in bookshelf in the walk-in closet. Naturally,...

A guide to vibrating cock rings for vagina-owners

Vibrating Cock Rings 101: a guide for vagina-owners

When I moved to a new state, one of the first things I did was check out a nearby sex shop. There, my boyfriend and I found a Picobong Remoji Lifeguard cock ring on clearance for $20 (regular price: $100), and I leaped at the chance to try something new. The Remoji Lifeguard‘s vibrations were okay—...

B-Vibe Snug Plug 3 large weighted silicone butt plug review

So many things about the B-Vibe Snug Plug 3 make me say “yaaaasss.” Its designers especially know what they’re doing, making it comfortable and pleasurable. I previously wrote that the njoy Pure Plug large is soooo goooood that it’s the reason I rarely review butt plugs. But I think B-Vibe’s butt toys are different enough from...

Woodhull Dinner with Epiphora, Kate Sloan, Rae Chen, and Super Sleepy Dude

“I just had dinner with Epiphora, Girly Juice, and The Notice last night!!!!” I texted a friend. “WHAT THE FUCK,” she responded. “WAS EPIPHORA JUST AS ADORABLE IN PERSON?!” “UH YES she’s so down-to-earth and endearingly dorky.” My past self would have probably reacted the same way as my friend: “WHAT THE FUCK” to even...

Womanizer Classic review: clitoral suction and pressure wave stimulator

The Womanizer’s unique pulsations have forcibly extracted orgasms from the many who have used it. Instead of vibrating, the Womanizer applies pressure by encircling the user’s clitoris and rapidly alternating between sucking and blowing. Basically, it makes air in the enclosed space vibrate. And it does this job so well that sex bloggers lost their...

3 better alternatives to my first sex toys: Chrystalino Champ, Noje G Slim, Silicone Willy's review sampler

3 of my first sex toys and better alternatives (includes noje G Slim & Silicone Willy’s 8 inch review sampler)

“Health care gadgets,” read the customs label when I ordered my first dildos. $16 for two, shipped from China, paid with a Visa gift card I loaded up because I was too young to have a credit card. Imagine the mini-heart attack when my mom not only insisted on coming with me to pick up...

Uberrime Night King review: long fantasy dildo

The Uberrime Night King dildo feels like it was made just for me. I have all but died and come back to earth from heaven. I’d clutch it hissing, “PRECIOUS” if anyone tried to take it. Because, if you love texture and cervix stimulation, this silicone dildo is the fucking truth. When Peepshow Toys first...

Pretty Love Dylan “Come Hither” rabbit review

When it comes to sex toys, I’m always starry-eyed and swayed easily by the new and novel. Maybe to a fault. My curiosity got the best of me when I saw the Pretty Love Dylan— a $60 G-spot vibrator that bends back and forth, like fingers beckoning, “come hither.” Could this be an affordable and better...

njoy Pure Plug Large stainless steel plug review

The njoy Pure Plug Large’s perfection is the reason I seldom do butt plug reviews. Until I try another plug that’s genuinely and amazingly unique, the Pure Plug is on its own tier. Worthy of being buried with me when I die. It should be no surprise, coming from njoy. njoy is, after all, the...

Blush Novelties Temptasia Elvira / Luxe Mio review

The Temptasia Elvira is one of the best body-safe dildos under $25. Its silicone is buttery-smooth with very little drag, it’s girthy, and the coronal ridge is well-defined.  The design is in many ways minimal, but enough to stimulate my G-spot and sometimes A-spot. I consider the Temptasia Elvira (and its purple counterpart, the Luxe...

Fun Factory Darling Devil Review

Fun Factory Darling Devil rabbit vibrator review

There are few vibrators as cheeky in design as the Darling Devil. Fun Factory’s past muses have included ocean waves, flowers, and vulvas, but this one best epitomizes Fun Factory’s playful experimentation with shape and color. This Fun Factory Darling Devil is first a rabbit / dual-stimulating vibrator. Its slightly bent neck stimulates the G-spot, A-spot...