Latest posts on Super Smash Cache

Why I Don’t Hunt For “Unicorns” / FFM Threesomes

Given a long enough timeline, practically every straight dude I’ve been with has asked me for: an FFM threesome, especially with one of my (unspecified) cis female friends butt stuff, but with only me receiving My response to the former used to be, “Sure, as long as you accept the possibility that the girls will...

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njoy Eleven 2.75 lb stainless steel dildo review

My reunion with my toy suitcase wouldn’t have been complete without kissing my njoy Eleven and sobbing. “I’ll never leave you again. Be with me. I want to be buried with you when I die.” (To my future children who have to arrange my funeral: I’m only a little sorry.) If a fire burned my...

5 Easy Ways to Have Better Sex

Partnered sex is one of the most complicated things we’re expected to teach ourselves. Some parts come naturally, while others are less intuitive at first. Here are some small adjustments in the bedroom that can have an explosive impact. Adjust your breathing It sounds deceptively simple: oxygen circulation to the brain, genitals, and muscles is...

What CAN’T Sex Toys & Dolls Replace From a Partner?

Sometimes I worry that my love of big dick might eventually be the reason I die alone. For that reason, I got a VixSkin Colossus cock extender to put on the dildo attachment of my handheld fucking machine and pound me into oblivion. “Modern problems require modern solutions,” I joked. Of all people, I’d know...

[Image: Vibease lay-on / wearable Bluetooth-controlled vibrator review]

Vibease wearable Bluetooth app-controlled clitoral vibrator review

I left my Vibease behind in a hotel room during my recent sexcapade. “Do I want to go back and retrieve it?” I asked myself. My hesitation wasn’t solely because the room was booked under my partner’s name— he’d probably be embarrassed to claim a sex toy from the hotel desk. There’s a more obnoxious...

[Image: Zalo Sweet Magic Desire and Temptation thruster review]

Zalo Sweet Magic Desire thrusting dildo and Temptation bullet review

I can’t just use my power drill-sounding fucking machine whenever I want. One week, I’m living with my boyfriend, and the next, I’m in an Airbnb with a stranger and her 4-year-old kid. Discretion matters, friends. And self-thrusting dildos (also known as pulsators) like the Fun Factory Stronic Real and Zalo Sweet Magic Desire have...

Dame Products Kip and BMS Factory Mini Swan Rose silicone clitoral bullet mini-reviews

Mini reviews: Kip by Dame Products & BMS Mini Swan Rose clit vibes

It’s no secret that I love consuming huge insertable pervertables, but some days, I’m lazy with masturbation and want a clit vibe through my panties. Conveniently, bullets like the Dame Kip and BMS Mini Swan Rose carry a fantastic fun-to-size ratio for that. Though they’re very different and target different audiences, they’re (to me) equally...

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Uberrime Dildos mini reviews: Dragon Claw, Splendid Large, and Amo

There are few things in this world I love collecting more than glossy, hand-marbled silicone dildos. Here are three by Uberrime Dildos that give me heart-eyes-emoji feels every time I look at them: Uberrime Splendid Large Uberrime Amo Uberrime Dragon Claw Uberrime Splendid Large dual-density silicone G-spot dildo You never forget your first. The Uberrime...

What I learned about STIs the hard way (and what else kept me up at night)

[Content warning: sexual assault. If that’s a hard topic for you, skip #5.] I wish we talked about chlamydia the way we talk about strep throat. It’s not the infection that terrifies people, but the stigma of sexual abnormality. It’s the scarlet letters that I can’t erase from my history. “Dirty.” Damaged. It’s the fear...

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Blush Novelties Neo Elite 7.5″ affordable dual-density dildo review

I’m damned if I don’t smack a toxic jelly dildo out of someone’s hands at some point in my life. Friends don’t let friends settle for that shit. That hypothetical “someone’s” protests preemptively buzz in my mind; I’m ready to strike every one of them down. “But jelly dildos are cheap!” “Cheap, body-safe plastic vibrators...

[Featured image for the post, "The angelic chef, the kind of love I wanted, and how he melted my heart"]

The kind of love I wanted (thank u, next!)

I want a love where we have an amazing(ly silly) story about the day we met up. For our first date, we cooked together, because I wanted an excuse to use the spiralizer I impulse-purchased. And when he knocked a knife off his tiny kitchen counter, he did exactly what he was NOT supposed to...

Lumberjill Grace ebony wood G-spot dildo review

I gasped when I tilted the Lumberjill Grace‘s voluptuous bulge against my G-spot. The intense pressure of the wood and wicked curves could have made me come right then and there, within a matter of seconds. But when I was testing it for the first time, I had to delay that gratification. I forced myself...